Feeling jealous can be normal, yes, to a certain extent. Do you want to identify when they start to be problematic?
Jealousy is the emotional response that arises when a person perceives the possibility of losing a relationship that they value to a third party. (Weiner and Craighead, 2010). Although they are not an essential part of a bond, different research has found evidence of jealousy in all cultures throughout history.
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It is normal for jealousy to appear in both men and women, at any time and in any relationship: Not only can you feel jealous in your relationship, but also in relationships with family, friends, and other people important to you.
However, like other emotions, Jealousy begins to be problematic when it has a strong impact on our well-being, that of other people, or the relationship. Some signs that this could be happening are:
- Thinking obsessively about what the other person is doing when they are not with you, having trouble carrying out your own activities
- Invade the privacy of another: spy on him, check his cell phone, constantly ask other people about his whereabouts…
- Have physical or verbal aggressive behaviordirect or indirect, towards that third party by whom you feel threatened
- Constant reproaches to your partner, or your loved one, for the things they do
- Deterioration and distancing in the relationshipfrequent discussions associated with jealousy
- Exercise control measures over the other: ask him to constantly tell you and show you where he is, who he talks to, what he does, prohibit him from going out to some places or seeing certain people
It is important to mention that sometimes it is completely normal to have difficulties trusting others, especially if there has been betrayal in the past. However, when making the decision to continue the relationship, both parties must come to an agreement about how to take things forward, and work to rebuild the bond: Excessive jealousy and especially control over the other are not a way to repair trust; on the contrary, they tend to generate avoidance and distancing behaviors in the other.
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In addition to reaching healthy agreements with each other, when our jealousy is affecting the relationship, it is important to take responsibility for it. First of all, It is in our hands not to convert what we feel into controlling or aggressive behaviors.: We cannot eliminate jealousy at will as if it were turned off with a switch, but we can avoid hurting others through manipulative, abusive, and controlling behaviors.
If you consider that it is important to set certain limits when interacting with another personFor example, asking your partner not to go out with his friend on a day when you celebrate something significant, say it respectfully and without demands, showing him why he is important to you.
Since jealousy is accentuated by constant thoughts about the other person, it is necessary not to lose sight of your own goals and activities:
Don’t lock yourself in your thoughts, allow yourself to go for a walk, socialize with other people, play sports, watch movies, or anything that comes to mind. Focusing on yourself helps you not feed ideas that hurt you and affect the relationship.
We also suggest you work on your relationship with the other person: when there is jealousy, you can lose focus and focus on that third party that makes us feel threatened.which ultimately distracts us from sharing those activities and moments that are part of the bond that we value so much: Less time thinking about that third party, and more time and thoughts with our loved one.
The above strategies are very general, can sometimes be difficult to apply, and do not work the same way in all cases. Therefore, consulting with a professional is always a good option. In , we are here to listen to you. Call us.
Bibliographic reference: Weiner, I.B. & Craighead, WE (Eds.). (2010). Jealousy. In The Corsini encyclopedia of psychology. John Wiley.