Being alert and identifying them in time can help prevent any type of violence within a relationship.
‘Red flags’ are a term that has become popular in recent months when it is used on social networks by young Internet users to talk about warning signs that draw attention to a behavior or thought of the other person that may be harmful or incompatible.
They can be of various kinds, some have general characteristics related to physical or emotional abuse, emotional invalidation, manipulation, etc., but others are related to compatibility in the objectives and goals in a relationship.
It is a secret to no one that they are not easily evident at first glance. Generally, during the first months of a relationship we do not show ourselves as we really are and we only show one side, the best, of us. However, it is just in that first stage of love where it is key to identify some signs in order to prevent any type of violence in the future.
Elena Sánz, psychologist and portal writer these are the reasons why you should identify them:
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Why identify them?
- To avoid problems and emotional discomfort in the future in a relationship. It is more useful and less harmful to choose a person with whom you share a large majority of situations, tastes, hobbies, thoughts about life and your daily life.
- To prevent emotional exhaustion in which dissatisfaction, unhappiness and frustration are the protagonists.
- Because it is less complicated to leave a relationship at the beginningthat after sharing and living together for several months or years.
- To prevent the creation of psychological wounds in which self-esteem will be very involved and will require psychotherapy work to heal.
What aspects can allow them to be identified?
- We give up our essence
We abandon our tastes, interests, hobbies and hobbies in order to conform to the other person. We disguise what we are a little to fit in.
- We isolate ourselves
We reduce our circle of friends and family to enjoy only our partner. This behavior may seem voluntary, but sometimes that decision can be made to avoid arguments or bad attitudes in the relationship.
- We feel that our emotions are invalidated, we feel mistreated or dissatisfied
All the emotions we feel are valid and it is necessary to express them, if by doing so we receive comments such as: “how dramatic you are”, “you are exaggerating” or “you are crazy”, it is a clear alert. It is recommended to analyze the situation and take action.
- We hide or lie about the relationship
If we reach that point of hiding certain situations from our family and friends for fear of being criticized or receiving advice like: “don’t accept that situation” or “you should end it.” Doing so does not mean that a ‘red flags’ situation is not happening.
- The visualization of the future is accompanied by fear and not illusion
This is one of the most significant signs because thinking about a future as a couple must be accompanied by excitement, tranquility and hope, in this way the idea of being in the right place is reaffirmed. If instead it feels like a constant struggle, something is clearly not right.
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Can we leave on time?
When identifying ‘red flags’, it is usually thought that there is a way to solve it if both parties recognize it, dialogue and work committedly on it, but sometimes the situation becomes unsustainable.
If you detected red flags in your relationship and some are non-negotiable, it is best to end the relationship and avoid moments of unhappiness and situations of violence in the future, no matter what they may be.
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