Fidelity is often considered one of the fundamental aspects of a romantic relationship. Crossing this line can jeopardize the quality and stability of the relationship, potentially breaking it. The notion of fidelity for the proper functioning of a relationship is widespread, especially in the Western world. Therefore, we usually pay special attention to any sign that alerts us that our partner is interested in someone else.
In this sense, is it normal to find another attractive person while in a relationship? This question is very common among most people who have ever fallen in love. At some point, we have all wanted to think that our partner will only have eyes for us. We are conditioned to believe that if someone is really in love with you they won’t notice anyone else, but that’s not always the case. In this Psychology-Online article, we will explain what to do when your partner likes someone else and how to identify this situation.
If your partner becomes interested in another person, you may feel threatened. In this sense, Jeff Guenther explains that most of us, at least on a subconscious level, we look for threats to the relationship. Feeling attracted to someone who is not your partner is usually the first step towards the relationship ending or being disloyal to you. The person who suffers from it often experiences it as a great betrayal. In addition, Guenther adds that it can cause insecurity in the partner of not being good or attractive enough.
So, is it normal to feel attracted to other people when you are in a relationship? In a study published in Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, approximately 70% of participants said they had experienced some type of attraction to someone other than their partner. The researchers observed that being attracted to other people, even when engaged in happy, monogamous relationships, it’s something common.
The brain makes automatic judgments about the physical attractiveness of other people. Psychology professor Gary Lewandowski points out that when we look at another person our brain processes visual information very quickly and, almost instantly, we make a judgment about the other person’s attractiveness. We cannot help but make these judgments, as it is more of an automatic thing.
What happens if my partner likes someone else?
If we are talking about feeling attracted to other people while in a relationship is a human tendency, why does it hurt so much? Is it considered infidelity? Is jealousy justified in this regard? The Belgian psychologist Esther Perel speaks openly to us about this contradiction of modern love. She claims that we have some Higher expectations than ever in relationships, incompatible in many cases and almost impossible to achieve. We give you some examples below:
- Bring novelty and adventure.
- Let it behave in a way that is familiar and predictable.
- May he be our lover, best friend and family member.
- May it encourage us in our personal growth.
- That you have beauty but no one else finds you attractive.
Even so, no couple can satisfy all needs from another person, no matter how much you love and value them. Placing all our expectations of well-being, happiness, and purpose in life on the person is a recipe for failure, since we expect them to give us things that, in reality, are our responsibility.
Therefore, in one it is important to know what to expect from the other, but at the same time, adjust expectations and be reasonable and realistic. Commitment in a monogamous relationship can be reformulated from “I will never notice anyone else” to not breaking the trust and commitment that the relationship itself entails. It is not about controlling thoughts or feelings, but about choosing how to act, without fear of being judged.
Ultimately, it is important to understand the nuances of being attracted to other people while in a relationship. No one can completely turn off the natural attraction to other people, even if they are totally in love and committed. However, we can assess if it is a passing trend or if it is intense enough to endanger the relationship. In itself, it is an opportunity to talk to your partner about your feelings.
Furthermore, it is very important recognize in oneself any insecurity personnel that may affect the way you view the situation. If you had a relationship in the past that ended because your ex-partner cheated on you, you may have difficulty trusting another person again. It is vital to learn to adapt to the current circumstances.
If you doubt how to know if your partner is hiding something from you, below, we will show you six signs that can help you know if your partner likes another person:
- You feel that he has distanced himself: If your partner has changed the way he treats you and seems distant, it could be a sign that he is interested in someone else. You may feel conflicted and confused if you have developed feelings of attraction for another person.
- Your routine has changed: A change in anyone’s routine can indicate many things. In this case, if you have noticed that your partner is spending more time at work, developing new interests, or not spending as much time with you as he used to, one of the reasons could be that he is dealing with an attraction outside of your relationship.
- Pays less attention to you– Generally speaking, people only have a certain “romantic energy” between them, so if you notice that your partner is paying less attention to you and devoting their time and energy to another person or group of people, such as spending a lot more time in the work or social events, it may be a sign that you are interested in someone else.
- Share less time or space with you: One of the ways to know if your partner likes another person is to identify if he or she has stopped talking to you about various topics, both everyday and important. This could indicate that perhaps you are sharing the details of your day or your life with someone else. You may be attracted to a third person, even if you haven’t acted on it.
- He has started talking a lot about someone else: Your partner may be thinking about this other person so much that they can’t help but talk about them in front of you. Listening to him gush about her can be frustrating, but it could be a good indicator that they have less to hide.
- Pay close attention to other people’s social networks: It is common for people to use them to “cheat” when they are not happy with their life and/or their personal relationships. When a person receives validation and attention from a third party, and feels appreciated and attractive to someone else, he or she will likely want to maintain this contact to continue feeling important. So, if your partner always searches for a particular person on social media and likes most of their posts, it’s likely to assume some level of attraction, especially if that other person is your partner’s usual “type.”
- You don’t share your everyday thoughts and feelings– This may be a sign that something needs to be addressed in the relationship. Talking about this topic can be difficult, but asking your partner how they feel can help and reveal if they are really interested in another person or if there is something else going on to change their behaviors. Clarifying what is happening can also help you know if things have gone beyond a passing interest.
If you identify any of these factors, it is very possible that your partner likes another person. Paying attention to signs of attraction is very important, but so is being able to express your feelings about the situation. These signs can help you identify that something is happening in the relationship, but Don’t assume facts or accuse your partner without listening to their perspective.. Instead, communicate with her openly and clearly. In this article you will find advice on .
Realizing that your partner is emotionally or sexually attracted to another person is painful and it is normal for you to question your relationship. However, don’t assume that if your partner finds other people attractive that it means the relationship is over. If you’re wondering what to do when your partner likes someone else, don’t miss these tips:
- Contextualize the pain you feel: Don’t generalize pain based on social constructs or lofty notions of movie romance. You can’t change the biological basis of attraction, but understanding it can help you respond more consciously to this discomfort.
- Understand that your partner may find certain people attractive, but that doesn’t mean I stop loving you. When you like someone, you have to recognize the attraction and then let it go to strengthen your commitment to your partner. As Shirley Glass, one of the world’s leading experts on infidelity, explains, one of the measures of true commitment is that you don’t allow distractions to distract you from your priorities.
- Learn to differentiate between physical attraction and real intimacy: Attracting new and novel things is a human tendency that does not disappear because a person is in love. The important thing is to learn to differentiate between physical attraction and real intimacy between two people who build a relationship together.
- Make your relationship a safe space: When in doubt about what to do when your partner likes another person, you should ensure that your relationship is a space in which you feel respected and can express your concerns, doubts, feelings and insecurities.
If, despite all this, your partner cannot stop thinking about being with other people, and acts based on impulses in the context of a monogamous relationship, it is important clarify the situation before it crosses the red line. The fact that you understand that your partner may be attracted to other people does not mean that you have to accept all of their behaviors, especially if there is a commitment to exclusivity.
In this sense, there are three components that allow you to handle this situation: not being ashamed, not feeling guilty and . Each couple can decide what is right or wrong and set the limits they want in the relationship. Therefore, if you feel that your partner likes another person, first of all, you must be honest and clarify the situation.