– What’s the matter?
– Nothing.
– Come on, tell me what’s wrong.
– Nothing’s wrong with me.
– I know something has bothered you.
– Really, nothing’s wrong with me. – A look of contempt runs across her face.
How many of you are familiar with this situation? How many times have we been clear that something was happening to her, but she just acted with indifference, giving us the law of silence? Well, I present to you a typical passive aggressive behavior. A person who is capable of harming those around him, but in the most subtle and secret ways you can think of.
These people have what is recognized in the DSM-IV as passive-aggressive personality disorder. And, today in this Psychology-Online article, we want you to discover a little more about this disorder, which accounts for 16% of the personality disorders diagnosed today.
What is passive aggressive behavior with examples
Passive-aggressive personality disorder is characterized by a pattern of behavior of opposition and passive responses towards those demands that require adequate performance of the person. It usually has its onset in early adulthood.
Below, I briefly present the symptoms that we can observe in a passive aggressive person:
- Passive resistance to surrender in social routine and work tasks.
- Complaints misunderstanding and feeling despised by others.
- Hostility and ease of discussion.
- Criticism and contempt irrational towards authority.
- signs of envy and resentment toward peers seemingly more fortunate than him.
- Open complaints or exaggerated by their bad luck.
- Threat alternation hostility and regret
Case in which passive-aggressive behavior is observed
Next to each symptom related to the disorder, you will find in parentheses the number to which it corresponds:
Vanesa, a 22-year-old girl, who is a university student. Currently she feels stuck for not being able to pass the last exams. She resides in her family home with her parents and her two older brothers. Outside of her home she has few friends. Vanesa does not know how to say no to the requests that are made of her, however many times she does not comply with what is required and complains of the obligation contracted (1). In situations where you perceive that you have not fulfilled your obligation gets angry, which brings negative consequences (3), especially in relation to their interpersonal relationships. To express her anger, the young woman takes revenge in passive and indirect ways, such as sabotaging activities (7). The people around her tend not to make requests or count on her, because they know that she will accept, but then she will not comply with what was proposed and even hinder its completion.
Mar, a 20-year-old young woman, a university student who lives in an apartment with her boyfriend and a friend. Regarding her intrafamilial relationships, the young woman reports having an absent relationship with her father and a bad relationship with her mother as a result of, according to her, both psychological and physical abuse in childhood (4). However, he gets along well with her two younger sisters. Regarding her social relationships, the young woman indicates that she has problems when it comes to relationships. She reports that she currently has problems with her partner and that she has even flirted with other people (1). They usually have quite a few couple arguments which, according to what he says, has decreased his self-esteem and dignity, making him feel more irritable and bad mood (3). As for her partner, she says that they have a love-hate relationship, due to the selfish and dictatorial personality of her friend for which she tends to want to be better than Mar in all aspects (5).
Focusing on herself, she describes herself as someone with little self-confidence and very rapidly changing emotions. She comments that does not feel understood and accepted by others (2) and that his behavior could sometimes be described as childish. He comments that he usually has avoidant behaviors with the people around you so that, in this way, they cannot make requests that you will not subsequently make (1), and that, therefore, will cause problems with said people.
Passive aggressive behavior in boys and girls
Infants are subjects in continuous learning for whom the positive acceptance of their superiors (normally parents and teachers) is extremely important. As a result of this, those who are characterized by passive-aggressive personality patterns tend to enter into confrontation with themselves, because they want to express the anger and annoyance they feel, but at the same time they They fear punishment and disapprovaln of adults.
For this reason, it is common for boys and girls not to express their anger openly, but rather to act in a secret and deviant way so that they cannot be reprimanded for their attitude. It is also common to see how children who are resentful of their parents tend to purposely underperform in school, knowing that this will hurt their parents’ pride.
Infants with passive-aggressive behaviors tend to show extreme reactions and, although they usually act passively and secretly when they manifest such behaviors, a small number of them can also act in a quite aggressive way.
Passive aggressive behavior in a partner
From the point of view of couple relationships, if one of the members exhibits passive aggressive behavior, it will give rise to a great multitude of conflicts. It can be said that this is due to the simple fact that this person does not allow him to express himself adequately, which is why he develops and accumulates feelings of anger and rage.
By not knowing how to express and communicate to their partner the concerns or assumptions that create discomfort in them, what they do is passively manipulate and punish the other person. There are a series of passive actions very characteristic of people with passive aggressive behavior in relationships it means:
- Use of silence, or what is known as “the law of ice”. The person distances themselves from their partner and acts as if they were invisible. Ignoring her needs or requests.
- Lack of cooperation. They choose not to take responsibility for some things, allowing them to enter a zone of “perfection” from which they can criticize the other member of the couple.
- They feign distraction. They know that making a person feel omitted creates a feeling of frustration in them.
- They are the masters of sarcasm. They will not say what is bothering them, but they will use the technique of sarcasm to attack the other person.
- They are constantly victimized. With this they try to make people believe that no one understands them and that therefore they are less cared for and respected by the other member of the couple.
How to treat passive aggressive behavior
From the point of view of psychology, a series of guidelines or treatments are recommended which can help reduce this passive aggressive behavior. Next, we show you the 4 keys to treating passive aggressive behavior:
- Psychotherapy techniques: From these, the patient will learn to understand the causes that generate anxiety and will begin to recognize the reasons why their behavior towards them is maladaptive.
- Put limits: You have to teach the people around you to confront their erroneous attitudes so as not to encourage negative feedback.
- family therapies They help the passive-aggressive person understand and learn to properly integrate into society based on positive attitudes.
- In some cases where the person has more serious symptoms or problems, health professionals may be able to recommend the use of antidepressant and anxiolytic drugs.
How to defend yourself against a passive aggressive
How to treat a passive-aggressive person? If you trust the person who has this disorder or these attitudes, first of all we recommend that you Do you advise him to go to a professional?since it is a quite complicated disorder.
- Tranquillity: In moments of anger or negative behavioral attitudes of the person, you must remain calm. They are people who tend to seek discussion and confrontation, so if we do not fall into these attitudes it will be easier for them to realize how wrong their behavior is in a given situation. If you feel that your words and his attitudes affect us, you will have a greater feeling of power.
- Without attacking: Create communication environments in which they can feel safe, because if they feel attacked they will react with frustration and anger.
- Ask: Even if they are not going to tell it, ask them what is bothering them, because this way they will feel that their emotions are important to us, as are their thoughts.
- Try not to challenge thembecause as a result of their low self-esteem they are not in a position to get involved in any competition.
- Resources to relax the environment: If the person has created a tense situation between both of you, use humor and small talk to break that ice.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Passive aggressive behavior: what it is, examples and treatmentwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- American Psychiatric Association (APA). (2002). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV. Barcelona: Masson. 200
- Aróstegui, Mª.J. Clinical case about a negativistic personality disorder. (Final Degree Project). University of Almeria. 2018
- Kernberg, O.F. (1999). Serious Personality Disorders. Mexico: The modern manual.