Although silence is usually seen as a scourge for communication and a recurring impediment that leads many relationships to failure, psychologist Marty Nemko believes that we have forgotten its great value as an expressive resource to the point of fleeing from it unnecessarily and wasting completely its benefits.
“When we talk to someone, we underestimate the power of silence”describes Nemko. “If a client or patient has stopped talking but you sense that they still have something to say, would you be more likely to get a response if you remained silent or if you asked the person to say more? I believe that silence is better because the person feels less pressured.“.
When you speak, try to make your words better than silence (Hindu Proverb)
Silence can be an extraordinary communication lever as long as it is used from a constructive and non-destructive approach. In this regard, some people resort to silence to express their anger, but also to manipulate others.
Making the decision not to express our feelings, thoughts or opinions regarding an issue of special importance that involves another person is a way of exercising control over them and “keeping” their behavior in check.
When the absence of words is oriented towards psychological punishment, blackmail or emotional distancing, relationships deteriorate and break.
If you value articles like this, consider supporting us by becoming a Pro subscriber. Subscribers enjoy access to members-only articles, materials, and webinars.
When silence is positive
For Nemko, silence is especially useful in situations of emotional tension in a relationship because “conveys disgust but is less likely to trigger a defensive or antipathy response toward you.” In addition, it allows us to return to a point of balance where possible reconsider the situation and choose the right words.
When the absence of words is oriented towards psychological punishment, relationships are broken
When verbal communication is inappropriate, silence can be classified as a useful resource if applied to the following scenarios:
Optimization of the communication process
A common communication mistake is talking too much and preventing others from expressing their feelings. When silence is seen as another element of the equation and we allow ourselves to resort to it periodically during a conversation, we give the other person the opportunity to share information (which is, ultimately, the goal of communication).
Expedite the resolution of a conversation based on objectives and not on trivialities
Some people forget that the purpose of the communication process is to transmit and receive a message, not to be absolutely right. Conversations heading into the ring are often characterized by the interlocutors’ inability to remain silent about details that are practically irrelevant.
Although the success of a conversation does not depend solely on one party, exercising silence as a support resource, even unilaterally, can avoid disputes and guide the conversation towards a resolution based on objectives (transmitting a message) and not on competencies. imaginary
Analysis and interpretation technique
Finally, some people incorporate silence into their conversations quite naturally, but completely miss its benefits.
They do not remain silent to listen to the other or to analyze their words, but to plan their own speech. In other words: they are people who find in silence a refuge from anxiety or an urgent need to be right.
As an effective communication element, silence should not be misused as down time but as a space to promote empathy and achieve a better understanding of the other’s feelings.
Sources: |