Grief for a baby is still a very big taboo in our society (although it is a very very common occurrence) and many mothers find it difficult to be able to talk openly about the death of their baby. The idea of this letter is to offer you support, company and encouragement.
Dear Mama,
I am very sorry that you were able to spend so little time with your baby. Losing our children is a terrible, horrifying drama; there is no human experience that equals the pain of feeling how our lives, in a very short period of time, crack under the weight of the inevitable reality that the death of our babies entails.
Dear Mom, when we lose our children, our hearts break into a thousand pieces. In order to put it back together and get back on track, we need a lot of time, a lot of love, comfort, affection, company and understanding. This love, this affection, this understanding, not only has to come from outside, but also from us. Don’t hate yourself, don’t blame yourself, don’t cause yourself harm thinking that it was because of a mistake you made, for not having taken enough care of yourself, for not having been cautious. Many times, in life, circumstances overcome us, they get out of control and we cannot do anything to prevent adversities from happening to us. Don’t judge yourself, love yourself, think about yourself, with affection, with respect, with understanding.
Dear Mom, do not feel like you are alone, many other Moms and Dads accompany you in your pain, we are by your side and we understand your pain. This grief, this pain, needs to be expressed, taken outside. Don’t listen to harmful advice that minimizes your loss, your pain. Don’t listen to those voices that tell you that you should remain silent and move forward as if nothing had happened. Your grief, your pain, your loss are real.
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Dear Mom, cry all you have to cry, don’t stop doing it, you are experiencing grief and your heart needs to relieve its pain, communicate its pain. Cry as much as you need, crying is essential to help you assimilate your enormous loss, to understand the immense drama that your baby’s departure entails. In addition, it is also important that you talk, that you express your feelings, do not keep them to yourself, communicate them and remember, whenever you need it, talk about your child, what your pregnancy was like, how you felt, the pain and helplessness caused by all the illusions that you have lost, the plans that you will never be able to make, the experiences that will never come. Talk about your baby, that your little one was with you, that you felt him/her and noticed how he lived inside you. You should know that your precious baby has its place in your life and in your family. Although physically she is no longer by your side, she existed and will always be with you, in your heart, in your memories, in your being. Don’t be silent, communicate, talk to your partner, with people who accompany you without judgment, without harmful opinions and who know, in these moments of deep sadness and pain, to give you love and shelter you selflessly.
Dear Mom, I know from my own experience that the first weeks and months after the loss are very hard. Please, take good care of yourself, pamper yourself, eat the things you like the most, if possible, some sweets, chocolates, treats. Don’t watch the news, don’t let people tell you sorrows or sad stories, now you have very little strength and you have to concentrate all your energy on yourself. When you can, go to a natural environment, the beach, the sea, the mountains, walk through a quiet, beautiful place, cry if you need to, release your grief. Furthermore, when you feel strong, express your deepest pain in some artistic way: paint, write, dance, model… let yourself go and empty into that art all your sorrow, all your pain.
Dear Mom, I’m sorry your little one left so soon. I understand your pain, I also know what it is like to lose a daughter and it is devastating. Remember, you are not alone, there are many Moms who understand you and support you. I’m here for whatever you need.
I send you all my love and understanding.
This letter was previously published on , a specialized blog that offers help and support for family members who have suffered pregnancy losses.