Through language you also express your freedom of decision. There are words that, despite their brevity, can be quite a personal challenge. For example, people may find it difficult to say “no” to requests for plans or a possible favor if we have a distorted view of what it means to say “no.” A refusal does not imply a rejection of that person, but rather a temporary and specific response to that message.
You can feel guilt both when you say “no” and when you say yes to what you wanted to say “no.” And then you experience the side effect of the inner struggle. How to say no without offending? At Psychology-Online we give you ideas.
We begin by listing what are the possible factors why a person feels guilty for this reason:
- He emotional blackmail. When you say “no”, that does not mean that the interlocutor assumes this refusal assertively. Sometimes a response comes in the form of blackmail or manipulation in order to change your mind at the cost of making you feel bad.
- Limiting beliefs. Your own beliefs around this behavior are what really condition you. That is, it is the interpretation that you make regarding what it means to say “no” that can produce this feeling of guilt. Although it may be a paradox, the fear of that emotional weight is what can condition one’s freedom of action.
- Fear of conflict and exaggeration of consequences. A person can give an exaggerated dimension to this word and visualize what the possible effects of this may be. For example, it magnifies the breakup of that friendship.
- and feeling of inferiority. By putting the other in a superior role, the desire to please arises as a way of receiving affection.
How to increase your level of confidence to face this situation from a new perspective?
- Visualization exercises. Through conscious visualization you can imagine yourself and visualize yourself in situations in which you safely face that moment in which you are exposed to this experience.
- Offers an alternative. In many situations, it may happen that your refusal is conditioned by specific circumstances at the time in which the idea was proposed to you. In all these situations, you can accompany your refusal with an alternative message in which you present another possibility regarding that matter.
- Explain your reasons. You are not obliged to do so always and at all times, however, if a person is important to you and you know that what they have asked of you also has value for the interlocutor, you can assertively express the reasons that justify your decision.
- Strengthens the autonomy of that person. Maybe it makes you feel as if you were essential, however, you can motivate her autonomy so that she can take care of that goal on her own.
- Start by saying “no” to people you feel most comfortable with. By achieving this goal, you will gain the ability to act in the same way with others.
Below, we give you five tips to achieve this goal:
Ask for time to think about your decision
When someone proposes a certain proposal to you, you don’t have to respond right away. You can tell him that you will give him an answer shortly. In this way, you have time to think and, in turn, the interlocutor also observes this reflection in you.
Find the best time
Having given you this extra time margin you can also plan the exact moment and message What do you want to convey to him? In relation to the appropriate channel to give your information, you can take into account what medium was chosen by that person to talk to you. For example, if I send you a WhatsApp message, you can reply in the same way. On the contrary, if he spoke to you in a face-to-face conversation and the matter is important, you can call him on the phone. Aside from these instructions, the most important thing is that you choose the channel with which you feel most comfortable. That is to say, have empathy with you.
Practice assertive communication
Model the freedom of those who have told you “no” with that same self-confidence and assertiveness that you want to practice. That is, learn from the example of other people. Another tip for saying no without feeling guilty is to learn to .
emotional intelligence
Even if you are afraid to take this step because you fear that a refusal will mean the end of that bond, think that that person does not deserve so much involvement on your part if this is the reason why they are leaving.
Write it before you say it
Maybe you just need put your ideas in order using the resource of writing as a way to anticipate that moment.
Therefore, saying “no” is a right. Listen to your inner voice and act from your freedom!
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.