Four things not to do during a duel

So that the pain of a loss does not become a constant discomfort that is difficult to manage, an expert advises four situations that should be kept in mind during this process.

We have talked about so that as the years go by the pain is more bearable, but the perspective of the ‘fleas’ of grief proposed by the neural therapist and grief companion Jorge Gómez Calle is interesting.

In his video ‘Duel with love’ published by , explains that this concept was coined by José Carlos Bermejo, an expert in the humanization of health and grief, in his book ‘The five fleas of grief’ (2016). This metaphor refers to the circumstances that add pain to the loss of a loved one. The ‘fleas’ of grief increase the person’s vulnerability; in addition, to reveal it.

The five ‘fleas’ exposed by Bermejo are:

  1. The inheritances and the disputes that can arise between the people involved, siblings, children, cousins, etc., regardless of whether the deceased left it organized or not.
  2. The blame that arises from thinking “if I had done such and such, would the situation be different?”
  3. Immortality virtualityThat is, the existence of his profile on social networks suggests, for some, that he is immortal.
  4. The sexuality It is affected because if the person who died was very close to one of the members of the couple, the latter will experience reduced libido and the relationship will be destabilized.
  5. The economy It changes with death, in the case of a partner, parents or children, as it refers to funeral expenses, not being able to pay the mortgage, among others.
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Gómez complements them with four situations that increase the pain of loss:

  1. Not forgiving a close person and carrying pain, resentment and anger in your heart. People believe that grief unites people more, but a family, for example, that has problems is going to explode when faced with grief. In this case it is important to make agreements, clarify misunderstandings or problems and exercise forgiveness.
  2. Believing that alcohol or psychoactive substances reduce or eliminate pain. Alcohol is a depressant of the central nervous system, because; Although it initially produces euphoria, when it reaches the liver and frontal lobe it generates depression. Sorrows are not drowned, they are embraced. Furthermore, those who recommend that you take it do not accompany you in the physical and emotional guava that you may feel the next day. The same happens with psychoactive substances.
  3. Deny sadness, we became toxic with happiness and it turns out that when someone is sad we try to eliminate their sadness so that it does not show us that the world can be very difficult, through a pill “to eliminate the difficulty.” In that sense, Offering an antidepressant during a grieving process is incorrect.
  4. The process of grieving is internal; of mind, brain and heart; In addition to this, the person is required to have the ability to slow down the pace of your life. They always advise doing activities that occupy the mind to dissipate the pain, but no matter how much the person is “distracted,” thoughts about the loved one continue to exist.
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This is faced, facing it, embraced, embracing it. It hurts, and a lot, because one loves. It can be 31 years since the death of a loved one and if it still hurts it is because you still love each other.

Instead of changing pain for unhealthy habits, let’s change it for love. It hurts because I love, I miss because I love, I cry because I love. Let love take care of uniting the wounds.