How many times has someone promised us that they will change and we trust that person? Does he manage to change or does he just modify her behavior for a while and then acts as usual? But the most important question is: can people change?
In Psychology-Online we are going to try to answer this question, but focusing on a specific personality, the narcissist. This personality tends to have a high ego, airs of grandeur, and a continuous need for admiration from those around them. We’ll see now whether a narcissist can change or not.
From the point of view of psychology, it is considered that, through the use of psychoanalytic theories and psychotherapies, it could be possible to achieve modify the personality of a narcissistic person and eradicate that socially inappropriate behavior. However, the narcissist is considered by many professionals to be an almost untreatable patient.
According to Kernberg, in those cases where narcissism does not turn out to be a serious case, no treatment is recommended, because in adulthood, when these people experience failures in their narcissistic gratifications, they will tend to modify their behavior on their own.
But, in those cases where it already presents a certain level of severity, it is advisable to apply what is known as psychoanalytic treatment. In this treatment, the patient learns to relate appropriately with others so that these interactions are more pleasant and rewarding. On the other hand, they are taught to understand their emotions and the reasons why they tend to act the way they usually do, that is, with the need to compete, devalue others, use others…
However, it is worth highlighting the difficulty in convincing a narcissist to carry out this treatment, since a person with this disorder He won’t accept that there is something wrong with him. and that is why it must change. They are proud of who they are and how they act with other people.
People with a narcissistic personality consider themselves superior and unique, so they do not understand that the rest of society considers that they have to modify something in them and be different from who they are. Therefore, when they are given the possibility of going to a specialist, they tend to think that the only thing that is happening is that the other person is envious of them.
Despite the challenge that this coexistence can be, it is possible to live with a narcissist. However, there are a series of tips or guidelines that will facilitate such coexistence:
- Empathy. We must connect with that person emotionally, but always leaving a healthy distance between our emotions and theirs so that, in this way, when there is an inappropriate reaction on their part, it does not condition our emotions.
- Caution. Don’t trust him with your weaknesses. Since they are very unempathetic people, if they know your weak points, they will not hesitate for a second to use them to their advantage.
- Assertiveness. Keep conversations as objective as possible with them. This is because narcissistic people tend to be very fanciful, so if the points of view of others are not the same as theirs, they will tend to discuss everything. Don’t try to convince him of your point of view.
- Negotiate. Learn to be a good negotiator. A narcissist by nature will not want to be helped, because he will not accept for any reason that he has a problem. Therefore, it is necessary that you be able to talk about both the limits of one and the other.
- Careful. If you feel that he is exerting his will on you and that you are experiencing a loss of your own self-esteem as a result, do not hesitate to distance yourself from him.
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As a result of his strong egocentric personality, a narcissistic person will not easily accept having to change and much less will he want someone he knows to be the one who can help him.
That is why if you really want to support the narcissistic person and help him in his change, the first thing you have to keep in mind is that you have to have compassion towards her. These people live looking for continuous approval from those around them and, this is basically a result of a lack of self-esteem. They are not able to recognize the real emotions of other people towards them, so a good way to help them is to express what you feel towards them. Here you can read.
On the other hand, we can teach them those acts in which their humility will be developed and where they can learn to treat the rest of society as their equals, without feeling like someone superior. But you always have to make you understand what your real achievements and limits are Well, although you will surely have a multitude of virtues, you must also understand and learn that you can make mistakes.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.