What a topic yes!
Talking about addicted children is almost always just the tip of the iceberg of a much more serious and profound problem in the society of any country.
Many people have doubts about how to manage, help, treat their addicted children, when the real question should be, what should I do to change my vision regarding how it was that thanks to my decisions, my character and my personality, I have educated and raised an addicted son.
It is hard, too hard and painful, I know, but children will always be the result of the environment at home, the example of the parents, the social environment, the educational level, the socioeconomic level, the beliefs and the values.
Because what is indeed a great truth is that there are addicted children of a high social economic level and addicted children of a low social economic level. And it is here, when money, ceases to be a determining factor.
So let’s get to the root of the problem.
Addictions in Biodecoding only have three main possible causes:
– Father, Mother or both with an overprotective attitude.
– Father, Mother or both with a castrating, cold, absent, indifferent attitude.
– Transgenerational.
Of these three causes, of course, many others can derive, including circumstantial ones.
We must also clarify that the family figure that plays this role in the upbringing and education of the child or adolescent will be taken as the mother or father, and may be the grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, etc
The story of an addict begins months before conception.
When the mother or father, they already bring with them a history of fears, beliefs, fears and expectations.
A baby is thus conceived.
From here, the little one or the little one will carry two different but equally important family stories.
From here, strengths and weaknesses will be inherited.
Until the 3 years of any child, the essence of the mother and father are with him. Emotional essence that can include weakness, low self-esteem, fear of being abandoned or abandoned, resignation, conformism, etc. It is what we know as “Project Sense”, that is, the way in which I as a father and I as a mother program my son to meet my expectations, repeat my mistakes, achieve what I have not achieved, or behave how I expect it to behave.
After 3 years and up to seven, the little boy or girl will absorb EVERYTHING around them like sponges: love, heartbreak, rejection, strength, family union, abandonment, limits, worth, etc. This is very important and I will repeat it, the bases of personality are formed from 3 to 7 years of age.
Therefore, if a child lives dramas, crying, fights, arguments, hitting, shouting, jealousy, envy, bad words, etc. During these 7 years, it doesn’t matter that from his eighth birthday we begin to tell him that he is a pretty, brave, strong little boy or girl. The damage has already been done.
If, on the contrary, the minor lives during the first 7 years love, hugs, respect, attention, tranquility, harmony, it will be impossible for him to present addictions in the future.
We must also take into account that not all marriages, not all couples, are well formed at the time of conception.
In the same way, not all marriages, not all couples, are in harmony about how to raise or educate a child.
Let’s imagine that a human being is a cell phone.
Let’s imagine that the Android Operating System is the Sense Project with which it was programmed. A basic system that includes the essentials, but open to updates.
Now let’s imagine that from 3 to 7 years old, the little boy or girl will be continuously installed, various applications.
And this is how a new human being comes into the world, programmed with software called “this is what my family wants me to be” and until he is 7 years old, he experiences updates called “this is how I should be and this is how I should live”.
If we leave our cell phone in charge of our grandmother or grandfather, and we are not aware of the treatment they give to “my son”, my phone, when I come to realize it, they will have already installed, without my authorization, several apps It’s that as a mother or father, I don’t like them.
If before he is 7 years old, I am not aware day and night of that little one, that he receives love, attention, care, stability, communication, respect, etc. I have no right to ask myself in the future why my son turned out like this?
And there are many and very diverse cases:
- The parents who were not a well-conformed couple, and had a little one who they take care of here, leave there, or abandon with the grandparents.
- The mothers, who by retaining the “love of their life” get pregnant and seeing that the couple finally abandoned them, throw the child anywhere.
- Parents who see their children as “burdens” or as “impediments” to find a new love, a new partner.
- The mothers, who in order to work and raise the child, leave him in the care of grandparents, uncles or older children.
And I repeat it again.
Personality, strength, self-esteem, character, principles and values are absorbed until the age of 7. It is fundamental, to understand the life of an adult, to analyze this period in his life. That is where the greatest emotional damage will be found.
– If I allow my son or daughter to be capricious until they are 7 years old, hold on! Because he will be a capricious adult.
– If I allow my son or daughter to get everything they ask for until they are 7 years old, start praying so that tolerance for frustration will reach them by osmosis one moonlit night.
– If I show my son until he is 7 years old, that my priority is finding love, and that he or she “gets in the way”, I can already imagine the adult who hates me for not wanting it, for not seeing it as my priority.
– If during the first 7 years of my son the only thing I show him is my bad character, my constant tears, my fears, my doubts, my frustrations, I will make him or her the weakest adult in the world.
And to all these examples, we must add that parents do not always stay together to see their children grow, to raise them, to educate them.
We live in a society where divorced parents play a totally toxic dynamic.
Where the mother educates, limits, and raises the child however she can, while the father only sees them on weekends to “walk” him, buy him everything he asks for and pamper him.
In this way, the child receives 7 years of training to see the mother as “the witch” and to see the father as “my cute daddy” (and vice versa of course), making him or her an expert adult in manipulation. .
Have you already realized that addictions are really only the tip of this immense mountain?
Because when the mother or father discovers that their child is addicted, it is ALWAYS too late.
And really, thinking that “it can be cured” is a commitment to free ourselves from our responsibility as material authors of their addiction.
And it is that any treatment against addictions is a struggle to make that adolescent, young person or adult see how valuable he was before he was even born.
It is about making them see (and that is why many of the anti-addition treatments touch on religious themes), that they, as human beings, are essentially strong.
But starting to peel away layer after layer of poison is hard, and sadly, not always possible.
It is normal, or we could say, usual, that most children, upon entering adolescence, already have contact with peers or environments where they are offered alcohol, pills, cement, drugs, etc.
It is also usual that a large majority of these children or adolescents try these substances out of curiosity.
And in turn, it is also common for this to be the exact moment when, if the emotional bases of the child or minor are not well established, they decide to continue consuming said substance to avoid “their sad reality”:
– Look mom, look dad, I’m here drugged or drunk, because of you, because you were never there for me.
Other children or adolescents experience addictions “as a challenge”:
– Let’s see mom or dad, if you love me so much, open the door for me, I come drugged or drunk, accept me like this, show me that you love me, that you care.
And still others, experience it as an imitation to achieve acceptance:
– Look mom, look dad, I come just like you, just as drugged or drunk, just like you always did, I’m like you, we’re family.
If the child has seen that alcohol is common in family life, if the child has seen that his mother, father or siblings drink frequently, if the child has seen that his mother tolerates, seeks and cares for his father taken, it will be easier for the child to assume that he also has the right to drink, and also, to be tolerated, sought after and cared for.
If, on the contrary, the child has never seen a bottle of alcohol in his house, if he has never seen his father or mother drinking. If alcohol is a very occasional drink at home or totally alien to it, it will be much easier for him to distinguish between what is wrong and what is right. Between the necessary and the superfluous.
All of the above simply contributes an element to the case of addictions and this element would be “the example” that the child or adolescent sees at home and perceives from the adults or people in charge of him.
Now let’s look at another element of addictions, the emotional aspect.
If the child or adolescent enjoys extraordinary communication with his parents, if he feels valued and recognized as intelligent, if he knows the difference between right and wrong, if he has seen his mother and father overcome obstacles and problems in a healthy and harmonious way, the child will be perfectly capable of knowing, that in no way, a drug or alcohol, are necessary to finish a job, to relax after a long day, an evader of responsibilities, a tool to forget, a tool to stay up late. He will realize that drugs are not the answer.
If, on the contrary, the child is mistreated or ignored at home. If there is no healthy father or mother figure in the home. If you constantly witness fights or arguments. If no one listens to him or cares about him, if the minor sees his father or mother taking a drink or taking drugs every time they are happy or every time they are sad, and even more serious, if their parents are addicts and they have witnessed the The moment his parents get high, he will easily decide that that first test is the entrance to the tools that he will need in life to support him in his achievements or stumbles.
And it is that the home, the house, the family, are the “safe place” of any human being. But when that safe place, full of protection and love, is really a fighting ground, a world of shouting, orders, and contradictions, the first thing a young person will think of when he learns about drugs or alcohol is: “with this, I’m better than at my place”.
There are people who begin to use drugs and alcohol until they are adults, when they have to face a situation for which they are not emotionally prepared, because they did not receive the necessary foundations. But whatever the stage, it will always be an unconscious “search for love”,…