Parents making differences between their adult children is often more common than many parents and siblings would like to accept. This situation has clear explanations, as always, based on the personality that the parents have built throughout their lives, mainly based on their childhood experiences fed, in one way or another, by the rest of the vital events that have occurred in their lives. .
In the following Psychology-Online article we will explain Why some parents make differences between their adult children and how it affects being the least loved child. In addition, we will also show you a series of tips so that adults who have gone through this situation can cope with it in the best way possible.
Why are there parents who make differences between their adult children?
These differences do not usually occur suddenly at the stage of adulthood, but rather it is something that parents develop unconsciously from the earliest childhood of their children. The reasons can be very varied, including physical and/or sex preferencea more pleasant parenting and with fewer complications, the parents’ personal situation During crucial moments of family life and parenting, personal expectations of parents or character of childrenbuilt as a result of his own childhood experiences.
The beginning of this favoritism of parents towards some of their children occurs in the interaction between the “semi-consolidated” personality of the parents (which never finishes being built and modulated throughout our lives) and the personality “under construction”. ” of their children.
Other aspects that favor a good relationship between parents and children include the most pleasant experiences with their children or, on the contrary, complicated but successfully overcome, the parents’ own personal construction (with its shortcomings, expectations and unmet demands), a greater connection or facilitating behavior (conditioned largely by their own primary life experiences), etc.
How favoritism affects adult children
Favoritism between children is something that in many cases is done unconsciously, which is why it is rarely recognized by parents. However, the consequences for adult children affected by this situation can considerably harm their physical and mental well-being. In this sense, They may internalize erroneous beliefs about themselves such as, for example, “I’m not worth it”, “no one will ever love me”, “I don’t do anything well”, etc.
These beliefs can negatively condition their lives and feed the little attention received from their parents as determined by the “self-fulfilling prophecy.” These boys and girls feel that their parents do not love them and, internally, something inside them breaks and separates them from them, which causes them not to approach them as they really need or as they would naturally do if they had not realized. this situation. When their parents come to them They will respond with bad behavior due to accumulated resentment.
Another aspect that usually suffers is the relationship with siblings. These “favoritisms” generate jealousy, envy and rivalries that continually damage the natural interaction between siblings. Likewise, the medium and long-term psychological-emotional results for people affected by this type of situation are usually not very encouraging. In this article you will find more information about .
What to do when a father makes differences with his children
In these cases, the awareness and the social intention to modify it It can mean a considerable improvement at a personal and social level in the functioning of families and, therefore, of society in general. That is, people affected by this upbringing must become aware of this reality in order to begin to forgive their parents, who in many cases are also victims of their own upbringings and the social system, and work on reconstruction of a more positive self-image consistent with your reality.
To strengthen ourselves, it is important to be clear that the vast majority of people with siblings have gone through these types of situations that can lead to rivalry and jealousy. Therefore, the failure is not so much that the parents have done poorly with one of their children, but rather in a society that does not prioritize child care, as well as adequate family and community upbringing.
The difficulties that parenting itself poses for most families, as well as the difficulties in reconciling family, work and social life or the increasingly dehumanized ways of life that are promoted, for example, give rise to great deficiencies childhood problems that can cause the development of “wounded” adults who, once again, begin family lives and upbringings accompanied by great difficulties.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Gutman, L. (2021). “The Power of Mother’s Speech.” Uranus Publishing House.