Why should there be mutual consent in a sexual relationship?

Building a relationship goes far beyond attraction and physical contact. It implies commitment, capacity for delivery and shared growth.

Going through the different levels of depth, from affection to sexual contact, is a process that always demands consent of the people involved. He sex without consent constitutes a rape.

According to studies carried out by In Europe, one in 20 women over the age of 15 has been raped and one in 10 women over the age of 15 has suffered some form of sexual violence. There, more than one in four people consider that sexual relations without consent could be justified in certain circumstances, such as:

• If the victim is drunk or under the influence of psychoactive substances.
• If you voluntarily go home with someone.
• If you wear suggestive clothing.
• If you don’t clearly say no or physically resist.

Faced with this panorama, it is essential to be clear about why reciprocity is important in a relationship and, even more so, in relationships. sexual relations and why he consent it must be clear, active, specific, informed and reversible.

What is sexual consent?

He consent It constitutes an agreement reached by two people to participate in an activity of a sexual nature. It indicates that the people involved actively and consciously express a reciprocal desire to have sexual relations (from kissing, oral sex to vaginal or anal penetration).

consent and ask consent It is essential to establish boundaries, generate a healthy bond with your partner, and create a safe sexual environment. The best way to feel comfortable in sexual activity is to talk.

When no consentany of these activities constitutes a sexual abuse.

Miscellaneous show that a large part of the sexual assaults They are carried out by someone close to the victim, often their partner or former romantic partner. For this reason, it is essential that both people actively and clearly consent to sexual activity.

Each person decides about their body

Some social norms they minimize the importance of consent in a sexual relationship, giving powers to romantic or sexual partners, parents or caregivers, among others, of decide on someone else’s body. Identify them and avoid normalizing these beliefs that put children, adolescents and women in a vulnerable situation.

• Attitudes that blame victims for intimate partner violence, or for forms of VAWG (Violence against women, girls and adolescents): due to their behavior, way of dressing, presumption of guilt: some women provoke their partners to the point of inducing them to exercise violence against them. If they kill a woman, there must be some reason (presumption of guilt).
• The belief that parents have power over the body and sexuality of their child/adolescent.
• The belief that girls/adolescents do not have autonomy over their bodies, due to their age and experience, and therefore adults can have control over their bodies and sexualities because they know more.
• Girls and adolescents are the property of their parents or dependent relatives, because they are the providers.
• Attitudes that subordinate women’s sexual behavior to the will of their male partners.
• The beliefs that women of African descent are always accessible for the consumption of male sexuality.
• The belief that a woman must comply with a man’s decisions.
• The perception that violence within the private sphere is different and therefore not subject to the same legal repercussions as violence committed in the public sphere (crime).
• The naturalization of sexual violence in the couple, due to existing marital ties.

Although it is a discourse repeated for decades, it is important to understand that these beliefs generate greater vulnerability and exposure to risks associated with sexual violence. Only people involved in a sexual relationship can actively and clearly give consent.

What should consent be like?

Consent tells the other person that there is a mutual desire of having sexual relations. Learn what that consent should look like:

• It must be given freelywithout pressure or deception.
• Must be awareboth people must know what they feel and what they want to do and they must never be asleep, faint, under the influence of alcohol or psychoactive substances, because in this case they cannot decide freely.
• A “yes” must be clearly stated. A doubtful “no” or a silence does not give clarity of the other person’s desire. Even if one of the people involved says “yes” but looks worried or unsure, there is no consent.
• Must be specificagreeing to kiss someone does not mean agreeing to another type of sexual activity.
• Must be informeda person can only accept something when he knows all the information about it.
• It is reversible, at any time a person can change their mind, even when it is something they have already done before. Having said “yes” once does not mean that the person cannot later withdraw that consent.

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NO means NO

Throughout history, victims have been blamed for sexual abuse and rape, from false beliefs that some of their actions allow another person to decide about their body and sexuality. That is why it is important to emphasize the following:

It is NOT consent…

Sometimes it is assumed that a small gesture endorses any sexual activity or that if consent is asked once, it always applies. Therefore, it is essential to be clear that It is not consent:

• The silence.
• A doubtful “no.”
• A forced “yes.”
• A “yes” from a minor.
• A “maybe”.
• A “I don’t know.”
• Having consumed alcohol.
• Being unconscious
• Flirt with someone.
• Wear a certain type of clothing.

This is not the time to remain silent. If you feel that your limits were violated and you are victim of sexual abuseCall to the National Sexual Assault Helpline at 800-656-4673 for help from trained staff, you can also chat online at

Also, you can join the supporting this April 30a space created in conjunction with the Yonkers mayor’s office and the to raise awareness about the sexual abuse prevention.