Currently one of the most useful tools among the population is the mobile phone, many people today would not know how to live without it, since it is useful for everything. Many people say that you can know someone just by looking at their cell phone, all our data is there from the most intimate to the most public. But, like everything in life, we have to know how to use it well so as not to miss other things around us. Despite being a very useful tool, it can also be a reason for addiction: nomophobia or mobile phone addiction. That is why we must rationalize our use of it.
One of the most common complaints in a couples therapy consultation is that the boyfriend or girlfriend is on their cell phone all the time and many relationship problems arise over the cell phone. Really, does the cell phone break couples? Is this the way to use it? What can we do about it? In the next Psychology-Online article we will talk about What to do when your partner is on their cell phone all day.
Why is your boyfriend/girlfriend on his/her cell phone all the time?
It is true that we spend more and more hours looking at our mobile phone. Sometimes we use it to communicate or carry out relevant tasks, but many other times we do it out of habit and waste time that we could dedicate to more important actions. Why does that happen? Why might your partner spend all day on his cell phone?
- Your partner may, due to the society created by new technologies, have the so-called “fear of missing out” and therefore you have to continually check your social networks if anything new has happened since the last time you looked at it, especially among the youngest it is well regarded to be the first to see an event. This fact can cause stress if it is not done for fear of being the last person to know things.
- Another reason why you may be constantly looking at your cell phone is because lack of interest in what the person next to you explains.
- Another reason that should be considered when your partner is very aware of his cell phone is the vital moment of this person, the circumstances around you, perhaps these lead you to be much more aware of your cell phone than usual (job search, illness of a family member, etc.)
- It is worth mentioning that the design of mobile phones invites their constant use. Its operation makes it very easy for the user to become addicted to use it. If you think that your partner is hooked on his cell phone, we recommend that you consult this article which cites the . If you think that your partner is addicted to cell phones, you can recommend that they go to a professional.
Consequences of phubbing
After seeing the reasons why your partner may spend too many hours on the phone, let’s see what consequences it has if your wife or husband is on the phone all the time.
The word phubbing It is the combination of two English words phone (phone) and snubbing (despise), so the term phubbing refers to the fact of ignore someone while paying attention to your mobile phone. This act can have the consequences mentioned below on the couple’s relationship.
Low self-esteem
The fact that a person is constantly looking at their cell phone can trigger low self-esteem in their partner. This may feel that it is not important enough and this can lead to feelings that it is worthless, that it is not enough and that results in damage to self-esteem. Every person needs to love themselves but also feel loved by the environment that surrounds them. In the end, when someone is looking at the phone all the time, she neglects her interlocutor, who feels ignored. In this article you can see the ones in a person.
Stress
The stress is both for the person doing the phubbing as if he is at his side. The first will be stress from being the first to see what is published or what is said (and anxiety if it is not), and in the second case, stress from not feeling valued in a relationship. Which can lead to relationship problems over the cell phone and even trigger a relationship crisis.
Conflicts
He , It makes the attention focus not so much on the couple but more on the mobile phone. That can lead to poor communication and lead to . Furthermore the phubbing It can make your partner feel undervalued and, if they do not have a space where they can express what they mean, it can lead them to be more sensitive for reasons that they were not previously and break out into conflicts that are not understood because there is one more underneath. important: the feeling of not feeling valued.
End of the relationship
He phubbing, Although in many cases it is not seen as such a serious problem, it can mean the end of a relationship: if your partner does not feel valued, it is very likely that they will end up leaving your side.
In this article we expose.
What to do when your partner ignores you by looking at your cell phone
If your partner is always on their cell phone, it is normal for you to feel undervalued and underserved. It is normal that it makes communication difficult, that the relationship worsens and that, in the end, you feel bad about the situation. Can you do something about it? First of all, you should keep in mind that the responsibility of controlling how much and how he or she uses the phone lies with him or her. With this clear, the following strategies may be useful to address the situation:
1. Express what makes you feel
It is important that we can express to our partner the feelings that are awakened in us by him looking at his cell phone all the time, always. assertively and empathetically. Understanding the other member of the couple’s point of view is very important. In this article we talk about the.
2. Negotiate
As a couple, you can negotiate moments in which looking at your cell phone would not cause a conflict and others in which looking at it harms feeling valued by the person next to you. Agreement and talking openly about this issue can be a good way to reach agreements to help you with the situation. Find intermediate points where both of you can feel comfortable.
3. Reinforce and value
On many occasions, it is also important to recognize the effort someone makes to change a behavior and a habit. In these cases, it is not just about asking for a change, but about valuing what he does. For example: if you leave your cell phone to go to dinner, say: “Thank you for not bringing your cell phone to the table today, I really appreciate it”.
It may also be useful for you to know these.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Lameiro, M. and Sánchez, R. (1998). Effects on the forms of digital communication. Documentation annals, No. 8, pp. 101-116.
- Links and the Internet: Qualitative research about new ways of linking. Bulletin of the Spanish Society of Psychotherapy and Group Techniques. Epoch IV No. 14, pp.45-66. Barcelona.