Many times, for fear that our opinion will not be well received, we do things we do not want or tolerate certain behaviors that harm or hurt us. On the contrary, it may also be that we say things with very little tact, without taking the other person into account.
We do not have to accept behaviors that harm us, nor can we always have the same opinion as others. It is okay to have disagreements and express them, however, sometimes it is not just about “what” you say, but “how” you say it. This nuance is important because it can make it come across differently to the other person. In this Psychology-Online article we will talk about What is the sandwich technique, what is it for and how to apply it Step by Step.
What is the sandwich technique
The sandwich technique consists of using sincere praise, or the expression of positive feelings, before and after expressing something that may upset the interlocutor. According to psychologist Elia Roca, it is about offering an opinion in a positive and, above all, more decisive way.
This technique allows you to mediate with the other person in a friendly and being able to say what makes you uncomfortable or their behavior makes you uncomfortable without being aggressive, which allows a . Specifically, the sandwich technique consists of three steps:
- Formulating a sincere praise: Genuine and true praise is expressed about the other person in a clear and concise manner. You define the situation or comment on something positive about the other person.
- Request for change of behavior: the criticism or request towards the other person is developed and explained.
- Expression of positive sentiment and proposal of alternatives: It ends by explaining a positive proposal, with words of encouragement and confidence.
In this way, something positive is said at the beginning and at the end of the interaction, and in between the criticism or request is expressed assertively. For this reason, it is called the sandwich technique, since it resembles the layers that make up this food.
Example of the sandwich technique
So that you better understand the steps of the sandwich technique, we will show you a practical example:
- I understand that you had a bad day at university today, I am very sorry that you did not pass the exam.
- But I don’t like the way you talked to me. Please, she talks to me in a more respectful way.
- I know that you will take it into account and try to prevent it from happening again. Talking to each other with respect strengthens our relationship. I trust you.
What is the sandwich technique for?
The sandwich technique is a conscious and sensitive communication strategy that all people can use to transform our relationships as a couple, with friends, family and co-workers.
The sandwich technique is a strategy used to modify behavior from the . This resource helps us express negative criticism without it being received badly by the other person. Furthermore, this communication strategy is important because it emphasizes the positive without hiding the negative and allows it to be expressed in an appropriate and healthy way.
Relationships strengthen when you express your needs and thrive when both people feel accepted. In this sense, the feedback of the sandwich takes tact and empathy into account when communicating. We all have problems to solve in relationships no matter how good the partner, friends, family, etc. are. Therefore, we need have difficult conversationsbut with tact, empathy and respect.
How to apply the sandwich technique
Below, we give you a series of important tips so that you know how to apply the sandwich technique correctly:
- It is a type of assertive communicationwhere we express our rights, opinions, ideas, needs and feelings consciously, clearly, honestly and sincerely, without hurting or harming others.
- It is not intended to be false or simply to silence others.. As we have specified in the first point, one of the bases of the sandwich technique is sincerity and not hiding important information, even if it may offend the interlocutor.
- Requests are usually better received than demands: Generally, people do not like to feel that they are ordered or commanded to do something.
- Try to express how you feel without accusing the other and speaking from the “I”: “I feel” instead of “you make me feel.”
- Focus on a single dilemma: We can have many problems simultaneously that can be overwhelming for ourselves and others. The best way to communicate is to share one problem at a time. Too many change requests at once make them seem impossible to resolve.
- Try to propose alternatives to your criticism: When making a proposal for change or constructive criticism, try to propose alternatives to the person so that the entire weight of improving the relationship does not fall on them, and they see the real possibility of improving the situation.
- Tolerance is essential: Try to act more thoughtfully and less reactive to comments to avoid tension and possible escalation of conflict. In this article you will see.
- Try to keep a calm tone of voice and take breaks when you need it. It is normal to be overwhelmed by shouting and loud voices. Plus, it’s unproductive and hurtful. If the conversation gets tense, take a break and resume it when both parties are calmer.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- Rock, E. (2014). How to improve your social skills. Spain, Valencia: Acde.
Bibliography
- Orloff, J. (2017). The empath’s survival guide: Life strategies for sensitive people. Sounds True.