Do you remember that ex-partner who was afraid to commit? Or on the contrary, do you feel that it is difficult for you to get close to your partner and that you want to run away all the time? These and other examples represent a person with avoidant attachment. Within this type of attachment, there are two others, anxious attachment and secure attachment. Anxious attachment would be the opposite of avoidant attachment, while secure attachment would be the ideal one. They are those people who are not afraid of commitment, and at the same time are not constantly afraid of losing their partner. They look for their own space but also closeness.
Attachments refer to the way we relate to others, especially with close people. They arise in childhood and can change depending on our life experiences. In this Psychology-Online article, we talk to you about the Avoidant attachment: what it is and how to overcome it.
What is avoidant attachment?
If you are wondering what avoidant attachment is, it consists of the inability or difficulty sharing feelings with your partner or close people. People with this type of attachment may need more space to themselves because of fears they have about personal relationships. The avoidant or evasive attachment style is usually linked to low self-esteem and fear of being rejected or hurt.
Analyze what you feel
If you have the avoidant attachment type, you probably have a disconnection with your feelings and emotions. Try to spend time observing yourself. You can even make a self-registration with three columns, in which the first is the situation experienced, the second what you think as a result of that situation and the third the emotions you feel.
This will help you discover why you feel, discover what your needs are and how you can cover them. In this article, we tell you.
Communicate
Once your needs have been identified tell your partner. Explain that the fact that you need space has nothing to do with your feelings. Also, ask her how you can make her feel more secure in the relationship. Maybe a message while you’re with your friends is enough. Think that if your partner has their needs covered, you probably won’t have to pay as much attention to them because they will feel much calmer and you will be able to enjoy your space more.
For example, you can express to him that when you are training you like to disconnect from your cell phone but that if you want when you finish the training you can call him.
Correct your irrational ideas
How to overcome avoidant attachment? Surely, although more unconsciously, one of the consequences of avoidant attachment is that you have many fears about relationships and this is what makes you flee at the slightest change. You fear that your partner will not be there when you need them most or that they will abandon you, so you prefer to abandon yourself first.
Understand how irrational this way of thinking is and the many things you are missing by thinking this way. When you see negative aspects in your partner because he is not very punctual, think of all the good things it has and that you are omitting because of a small defect. Discover .
Self-esteem
How to heal avoidant attachment? Many times avoidant attachment disorder is due to low self-esteem. One believes oneself insufficient so He doesn’t think he’s worthy of receiving love.. Thus, one of the examples of avoidant attachment is when one protects oneself against any possible threat, since one considers that whoever approaches has bad intentions. In this article, you will see the .
Linked to this, it is important to overcome past traumas such as bullying, childhood abuse or a very toxic past relationship. Understanding that the person in front of you is new, is not to blame for what happened in the past and is there because of who you are, is key to allow yourself to love and be loved.
Find activities as a couple
Your day to day is probably full of activities you do on your own. You see your friends, you play sports, you read, etc. However, your partner is not always involved in these activities. Try to start a new hobby that both you and your partner like. It is a way to spend time together doing a pleasant activity that does not involve a large invasion of space or feel that your partner is taking your time away from other things.
Invite him to do what you like so much do. She will surely be delighted and feel much calmer. An example of this is that you read the same book and then discuss it or that you watch your favorite series together.
Choose your partner well
Avoid dating an anxiously attached person, as they have high attention requirements. The ideal would be to find a securely attached person who can understand your space needs and does not feel threatened. Additionally, their security can translate into greater self-security, so you could become a more securely attached person. If at the beginning of meeting someone you notice that they speak badly about their ex-partners or that they show insecurities, they are probably an anxiously attached person, so these are your warning signs to start getting to know someone different.
If you are dating an anxiously attached person, try understand what your needs are like and as far as possible he tries to cover them. Try to make it much easier for your partner to reciprocate you and cover your space needs. Ask her how she feels, what she needs from you and let her know that even if you are not doing an activity together, you remember her. In this article, you will find more information about .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Avoidant attachment: what it is and how to overcome itwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Barón, MO, Zapiain, JG, & Apodaca, P. (2002). Attachment and emotional-sexual satisfaction in the couple. Psychothema, 469-475.
- Delgado, AO, & Oliva Delgado, A. (2004). Current status of attachment theory. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Psychology, 4(1), 65-81.
- Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2011). Ways to love. The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find love… and keep it. Barcelona: Uranus.