The self-pity, self compassion In English, it implies treating oneself with respect and kindness, without mortifying oneself, without excessive self-demands or self-punishment for mistakes.
It is a concept related to the emotional intelligence which involves the awareness that, as human beings, we have defects, deficits or negative characteristics. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
Self-pity seeks happiness and well-being of the person, prior acceptance of its own limitations. However, self-pity should not be confused with self-indulgence, which would imply victimization on the part of the person who does not consider himself capable of facing an adverse situation.
Self-compassion does not imply feeling of weakness, sorrow or pity towards oneself. Victimhood means being trapped by the emotional problem, exaggerating the problem and feeling like the only person who suffers. Self-pity, however, represents the complete opposite.
The researcher Kristin Neff He is the figure who has delved most deeply into the study of self-compassion, which he defines as a concept that has its roots in Buddhist psychology. He also connects with the notion of “unconditional positive regard” of Carl Rogers, promoter of the humanistic approach in Psychology in the middle of the last century, and with the “unconditional self-acceptance” of Albert Ellis, creator of rational emotive therapy.
The three components of self-compassion
Neff believes that self-compassion is made up of three main components that are related to each other:
- Self-kindness (instead of self-criticism): defined as a tendency to consider oneself in a more understanding and kind way, in the face of fierce and destructive self-criticism that hurts us. It involves accepting that one cannot always get what one wants, and that not accepting it can lead to increased stress and feelings of frustration. In the face of disapproval and self-criticism for our own limitations, try to be understanding of the personal traits that we do not like.
- Shared humanity (vs. isolation): A sense of common humanity that assumes that imperfection, failure, and failure are part of the human experience. We all have them and suffer in some way, since we are vulnerable and imperfect by nature. So we must be understanding with our mistakes. Faced with the feeling of isolation for having failed, see our failures as part of the human condition.
- Full attention (instead of identifying with thoughts or emotions): also called Mindfulness. A receptive state of mind that attempts to abandon prejudices and involves the experience of the present moment without repressing one’s own feelings and thoughts, but without magnifying them or over-identifying with them. Instead of obsessing and focusing on the negative when we feel bad or there is pain, try to have a balanced view of the problem.
Benefits of self-compassion
According to Neff’s research and other studies, self-compassion can provide a person with the following benefits, among others:
- Helps combat depression and reduce anxiety and stress levels.
- It allows you to face problems with less worry, perfectionism and fear of failure.
- Improve personal relationships
- Helps to better manage stressors
- Increases empathy, altruism and forgiveness
- It cultivates inner joy, so that people can change the way they face a reality through their attitude.
- Cultivate patience and calm.
- It allows introspection and strengthens the level of self-knowledge.
- Increases heart rate variability, which is helpful for self-soothing.
- Personal inner growth that helps transform difficult reality thanks to self-understanding interpretation.
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