All people have a certain degree of needing to be approved by others. This appears due to our innate survival instinct in which in times past, belonging to a group and not being expelled from it was the key to survival.
Currently, although it is necessary to be accepted in a certain way by others, it is not essential. On many occasions, this need for approval becomes useless and even harmful, since it prevents us from doing many of the things we would like to do and we stop being ourselves. In this Psychology-Online article, we tell you what is the need for approval and how to eliminate it. We will examine the symptoms it presents and how to eradicate approval seeking.
What is the need for approval?
What does the need for approval mean? It consists of the fact that the value we give to ourselves depends on the approval of others. The need for approval in psychology is defined as the need to feel acceptance from others to be good with yourself. This search for approval is closely related to what psychologists call , which refers to acting in situations in which one is being evaluated, such as a psychological test or a job interview.
Due to the need for social approval, in these situations people act based on how they think the evaluator would like it. For example, if they ask us if we drink on the weekends, a person with high social desirability would answer no, since they think that is what they want them to answer. The reality may be the opposite if you have met up with some friends, but you will not mention it due to your need for approval, acceptance and affection.
If this happens to you, in this article, you will find more information about . Specifically, a person who has a high need for approval has surely received very negative messages since childhood and is accustomed to seeking praise from others when performing an activity. In general, they are people with low self-esteem If they don’t get those compliments they feel bad about themselves.
Symptoms of the need for approval
As we mentioned at the beginning, a certain search for approval is something natural and healthy. However, we must learn to recognize when that need becomes problematic. Next, we will see what the symptoms of the need for approval are:
- Not expressing one’s own opinion: in a conversation with other people, when they express an opinion or argument with which we do not agree, if we have a high need for approval we will not express what we really think and we will agree with the other person with the in order to please and not feel judged. This happens for fear that others will get angry or for fear of making a fool of themselves. Discover .
- Emotions and self-esteem: Another symptom of the need for external approval is that our mood depends on how others have treated us. If you were in a good mood, but when doing an activity you did not receive any praise, you will feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc. The same happens with our self-esteem. Depending on what others tell us about, for example, our appearance, we will feel better or worse about ourselves. In this article, we tell you.
- Assertiveness: It is quite common if you have a great need for approval. not being able to say no when they ask us for a favor, even though we have to sacrifice other activities or our rest to fulfill the favor. Learn more about this topic in the following article: .
- introversion: Due to the fear of making a mistake or attracting attention, it is quite common to end up not saying anything. Therefore, it is common for people with a high need for approval to find it difficult to start new activities for fear of not being liked by others.
- Physical appearance: Another signal associated with the need for approval is the wanting to be perfect always. The moment someone sees us ungroomed, we fear that they will have a bad opinion of us and will no longer want to be part of our lives.
In the next section, we tell you more about what the need for approval is and how to eliminate it from your life completely.
How to eliminate the need for approval?
How to eliminate the need for approval? As we have seen, the basis of this problem is self-esteem. It is necessary to learn to send us positive messages to ourselves. Some examples could be the following: “you look very handsome today”, “nothing happens if this job doesn’t turn out perfect, you are still valuable” or “you are doing well”. This would be done instead of waiting to receive such messages from others. In this article, you will see.
On the other hand, to eliminate the need for approval in adolescence or at any time in your life, it is important to correct those negative messages that we send to ourselves when we believe that we have not been approved by others. If someone gets angry with us or doesn’t compliment us, instead of continuing to beat us down, we have to start sending ourselves positive messages.
Following the line of self-esteem, to reduce or eliminate the need for approval and recognition, it is important perform self-care routines, not to please others, but to feel that we are giving ourselves self-love. Some examples of this could be taking a good bath or learning something new.
To eliminate the need for approval train your assertiveness and your ability to contradict others, say your opinion or say no. You can do this by facing situations or people that you don’t care about so much. Maybe it could be a neighbor or someone you know from work. Once you manage to do it in these types of situations, you can put it into practice in situations that matter more to you. In any case, the ideal is to do from the hand of a professional.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What is the need for approval and how to eliminate it?we recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Aumann, J., Lanzguerro, S., Velasco, P. and Domínguez, A. (2017). Need for social approval and resources for development in Mexican adolescents. Teaching and Research in Psychology, 22(2), 204-211.
- Franco, C. and De León, V. (2015). Increase self-esteem. Logos Scientific Bulletin of the Preparatory School, 3(2).
- Kelly, R. A. (2010). Social skills training: practical guide for interventions. Bilbao: Desclée de Brouwer.