Jealousy is present in many different areas, from work to friends or acquaintances, but it is especially common in relationships. However, they tend to be harmful, as they lead to the development of quite negative dynamics for the relationship. This jealousy has different causes, that is, it does not just happen, there are various reasons why it arises.
Is jealousy good or bad in a relationship? At Psychology-Online we want to resolve this question. Today we will tell you where jealousy can come from in a relationship, trying to understand the reason for this jealousy a little better. In addition, we will try to show you possible ways to confront and treat jealousy, as it is something that usually has a solution, although it is not always easy.
Is it normal to feel jealous? Where does jealousy come from?
To know the specific origin of each person’s jealousy, it is necessary to know a little about each person. However, there are two fundamental causes that explain why a person is jealous. We talk about: lack of confidence and .
These two factors apply to many areas and do so in different ways and with different intensity. In this way, a person can be jealous because of a lack of selfesteem, which translates into a lack of self-confidence, which generates insecurity about one’s own abilities and personal worth. It may also be because is not able to trust others or even for lack social skillswhich prevents them from being able to deal with these insecurities by transmitting them to those who can help them solve the problem.
On the other hand, we find fears, which cause many attacks of jealousy and jealousy. Among the most common are the fear of loss, the fear of not being able to find someone as good as the current partner or . These fears are usually compounded by the insecurities mentioned above.
Jealousy in a couple is good or bad
Experts differentiate between two types of jealousy, on the one hand there would be reactive jealousywhich are based on real and verifiable facts, such as a recognized infidelity, while psychological jealousy has no real basis.
In this case, reactive jealousy is a natural defense mechanism, biologically explained by the need to have the fidelity of a couple to ensure survival, especially of the offspring, referring to the entire animal world (in which the human being must be included biologically speaking). While psychological jealousy does not provide any benefit in terms of the biological effectiveness of a species.
In this way, the psychological jealousywhich are the ones usually referred to when talking about jealousy in couples, are not beneficial. This is so given that they are based on a feeling of jealousy, accompanied by strong insecurity on the part of the person who feels jealousy and obsessive and recurring thoughts such as: What will he be doing? or with who will be?. All those doubts affect the health of the relationshipwhich in more than one case ends up breaking due to jealousy, since the person who has to live with someone who is jealous usually becomes exhausted and feels that the other does not trust him/her.
Consequences of jealousy in a relationship
When one, or both, members of the couple suffer from attacks of jealousy, whether punctual or permanent, it is difficult for the relationship itself not to be affected. Usually, the existence of obsessive thoughts, distrust, continuous reproaches and the accusations make both members of the couple feel distressed, sad and, above all, very unhappy. All of this affects the functioning of the couple, leading to it breaking up on many occasions.
Furthermore, pathological jealousy, which is unfounded and excessive, can have other repercussions. Some examples refer to when the accused person is more submissive, as he gives in to the requests of his partner, such as prohibiting him from having friends of the opposite sex, dressing in a certain way, and so on.
As we see, jealousy is not productive neither for the one who suffers them nor for the one who experiences them. But there is also evidence about the coexistence between jealousy and emotional dependence, and it is highly common for both phenomena to occur together. Therefore, to the disadvantages of jealousy we must add, in many cases, those of , such as the need for constant contact with your partner to feel secure about their future.
What solutions are there for jealousy?
As we have said, jealousy is usually caused by several factors. That is why the best thing to end jealousy is to solve those underlying problems, which we sometimes ignore or want to ignore.
If we notice symptoms in ourselves or in our partner that jealousy is developing or even if it is already evident, It is best to stop and reflect deeply about it. This jealousy must be analyzed, evaluating how it is expressed and how it arose. They may show themselves as or distrustful of the other person’s words and actions.
We will have to analyze the origin of fears and insecurities causes of that jealousy. Some of the possible origins include bad experiences in past relationships or problems that the person has had throughout their life, both as an adult and as a child and youth.
Once the cause has been identified, it is time to treat it. In some cases, if the jealousy is mild, it is enough to work on it yourself, and it is better if you have the collaboration of your partner. Some tips to improve are:
- Improve communication: Speaking constructively and empathetically improves communication between couples. It is about opening up to dialogue and exposing thoughts and feelings. In this way, while maintaining respect and calm, delicate topics can be discussed without leading to discussions that can be very damaging.
- Work on you: Strengthen your self-esteem by enriching your life, take care of yourself, practice your hobbies, exercise and share time with people who make you feel full and satisfied.
- Enjoy the relationship: For it is important to spend time together, enjoy moments in each other’s company or do activities that you both like, everything is good to promote enjoying a quality time together.
However, it is usually recommended go to a professionalespecially in those cases in which jealousy is noticeable, because in this way we can solve the problem in a faster and more effective way.
Dealing with jealousy is very important, since if you don’t, the relationship may end because the other person can’t take it anymore or the relationship may simply become tense and this will affect the well-being of both parties.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
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- Mathes, E. W. (1986). Jealousy and romantic love: A longitudinal stu-dy. Psychological Reports, 58, 885-886. http://dx.doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1986.58.3.885
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