When we talk about attachment, it is common to assume that we are talking about a kind of obsession with someone we love or an undue idealization. However, this idea that has become popular today has little or nothing to do with the notion of “attachment” that psychology has studied extensively. Here we address this essential topic.
Leaving aside that colloquial use, it is important to understand what “attachment” really is and its importance in our adult emotional life.
The attachment is the emotional bond that a person establishes, from their earliest childhood, with their main caregiver (who are usually the parents). Attachment serves the child to provide security in his psychological and relational development.so that the development of your personality is healthy.
This emotional bond will be related both to the way the child has contact with the physical environment. (exploratory system) as with their relational development with other people (affiliative system).
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What are the types of attachment that exist and how do they influence our adult life?
According to the approaches to “Attachment Theory” (from Bowlby and Ainsworth, through Feeney and Nooler, to Hazan and Shaver, etc.), the way in which it develops this emotional bond is crucial in our psychosocial development in adulthood.
Attachment will, according to scholars, have a determining influence on the type of emotional ties that we develop in our youth and adulthood, including the bond between a couple, among others. The following are the four styles or types of attachment proposed by experts:
- Secure attachment: is characterized by a constant presence of the mother (or primary caregiver). It is a bond relationship unconditional. Securely attached children feel mostly accepted, valued and lovedthey are active, they usually explore the environment with confidence and security. Although the child has some type of tension or stress in the absence of the caregiver major, remains confident in the return, given the healthy interaction of the bond. This type of attachment promotes the recognition of anxiety and seeking support.
in adulthoodthis person would keep a positive feeling of self and others, with an adequate disposition to interact with others and become emotionally involved. Recognition of own emotions and self-regulation is usually present. In intimate situations, these people usually feel comfortable as well as in moments when autonomy is necessary.
- Resistant (or anxious – ambivalent) insecure attachment: is characterized by a inconstant presence in caring behaviors on the part of the caregiver. Children with anxious attachment feel loved or valued only partially and his exploration of the environment is often tense and unsafe. The child has a reaction exacerbated distress in the absence of the caregiver that does not relax with the return of this, but it emphasizes: crying, screaming and anger, which are common when the caregiver tries to console him. This type of attachment favors a hypersensitivity towards all types of negative emotions.
in adulthoodthis person keeps a ambivalent sense of self and of the others. Are less given to reflecting on emotions own. They maintain a certain acceptance of situations and intimacy, although they experience a marked fear of rejection and constant doubt regarding the other’s desire or affection, which frequently leads to rejection. emotional dependence.
- Insecure – avoidant attachment: is characterized by the absence of primary caregiver. Children with avoidant attachment feel undervalued and lovedWith which sufferand its exploration of the environment is, consequently, compulsive self-sufficient. The child with avoidant attachment presents a general disinterest and lack of concern in the absence of the caregiverdoes not cry but becomes more interested, for example, in the environment, and they avoid the close relational context. This behavior, in principle, can be confused for sure, but it is really the result of constant stress due to the absence of the caregiver, whose activation is permanent. This type of attachment does not favor the recognition of emotional discomfortbut a preference for emotional distance, emotional inexpressiveness and difficulty in intimate interaction.
in adulthoodthis person retains a notion of problems self-sufficiency and of distrust of others. To the confuse adaptation mechanisms caused by early caregiver abandonment with self-actualization and self-confidencethey tend not to pay attention to the means and efforts to achieve these conditions, even giving up intimate interaction. There is usually a contempt for emotional ties as an adjustment mechanism to the primary suffering found in others.
- Disorganized attachment: It is an amalgam between anxious and avoidant attachment. It is characterized by a negligent, inconsistent and unsafe conduct by the caregiver. The child with disorganized attachment may feel despised and violatedand the absence of care can lead to disinterest and behaviors such as anger, explosive reactions and avoidant. The child with disordered attachment Can’t find a way to emotionally manage situations and, generally, it presents an emotional overflow of a negative nature.
in adulthoodthis person presents variable behaviors that range between a negative self image with a significant load of frustration or an image falsely autonomous with a significant burden of disgust and go to. Although they experience the desire for intimacy with the other, extreme distrust of themselves, fear of rejection or great emotional dependence make them avoid emotional involvement.
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Is it possible to relearn or change the type or style of attachment?
The answer to this question It’s a resounding YES. Yeah It is possible to encourage other types of interactions in adult life. If possible modify our adjustment levels to relationships.
To the extent that we begin to be aware of our formation of attachment styles since childhood and relational ties that these helped us establish, in their evaluation and understanding with other actors, not only our primary caregivers, but also subsequent ones such as friends, family or partners, we will begin to relearn and configure new healthy attachment styles.
Do you want to relearn or change? Call us or write to us at 333 033 3588, one of our psychologists is willing to help you.
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