Zero contact is cutting off all communication with anyone. It is a technique that is used after a breakup when we are not being able to move forward emotionally, either due to dependency, because we are having a hard time turning the page and moving on, because we are having a hard time ending the previous relationship or because we were involved. in a toxic dynamic and it is very difficult for us to get out of there.
It is important, however, to keep in mind that when we apply this technique we will not only feel things, the distance will have an impact on the other person who, in one way or another, will influence and affect us. Our ex-partner will experience different feelings, thoughts and emotions and will be responsible for the actions that this person will have towards us. In this Psychology-Online article, we will tell you: What a person thinks and how they react when you apply zero contact to themso you know when it is recommended to apply zero contact and how to know if the zero contact you are applying is working.
This technique is used for extinction of other-seeking behavior with the purpose of making the person disappear from our lives. After the necessary time of absence, the person who previously sought us out, either out of dependency or need, will become bored, disappointed, or begin their grieving and healing process Naturally, you may even find another person to fill the space that the old relationship left behind. But in order to really separate, it is necessary keep distanceif we are not opening hope in the other again and again, which causes them to come back to look for us with more strength.
Zero contact is used to:
- Definitely moving away from a former relationship that we consider harmful or toxic.
- Get away from a harmful person: with narcissistic, aggressive traits, etc.
- Break a cycle of emotional dependency. In the following article, you will find more information about .
- Being able to stop going back to the same partner over and over again and be able to rebuild our lives.
Here you can see.
What does a man or woman think when you apply zero contact? The person to whom you apply zero contact experiences different emotions with your distance, which will generate different thoughts and actions.
Below, we show you the different stages that a person goes through when you apply zero contact and the emotions and behaviors associated at each moment:
1. Relief
The first sensation you will experience will be relief, You will think that you have done well and it will reinforce the idea that you have made the decision to finish. At this moment you do not yet notice your ex-partner’s absence and may believe that the other’s distance is due to respecting your ex-partner’s decision to break up. He is likely to find the freedom and benefits of being single. It is likely that he will initially resume his activities and hobbies, go out with friends, start dating other people, etc. Initially, he will not notice the other’s absence since he will be sufficiently focused on his own things and, probably, internally justifying and validating his decision to break up.
If the person was the one left behind, they probably went through a initial stage a little more depressive which can be characterized by guilt and sadness or by excessive activities as a way to avoid contact with pain.
2. Notice the absence
In either case, after a while, it is likely that the other person will begin to slightly notice the absence of their ex-partner in the face of no contact.
We all hope that the person who walks away will come back, look for us or at least establish a small contact that shows us that he thinks about us and misses us even a little and this need arises more than anything from the ego. No matter how minuscule this show of attention may be, we believe that it is something that will happen no matter what and, when that does not happen, when the person really disappears from our lives, this distance generates a kind of confusion and strangenessbecause it is not what we expected to happen and we began to question many things, which makes it Let’s start thinking more about each other and wonder what they are doing and why they disappeared like that..
The person may stay in this loop for a while or try to rebuild their life and start new activities. At this stage, there may be search behaviors towards the other.
3. You will feel rejection
After the above or jointly, the person to whom you apply zero contact will slightly feel the rejection and then initially You will avoid thinking about your ex-partner so that it does not hurt you and perhaps you will begin to fill yourself with activities or try to have a life without the other person.
4. Worry
Over time and by maintaining zero contact, confusion will turn into concern: the person will begin to suspect that the other is beginning to forget him or that he has rebuilt his life and generally, especially in more dependent relationships, they will begin to actively seek it out.
5. Idealization
Along with this, as time has passed, cognitions will begin to change, The bad memories will disappear and you will begin to remember mostly the good. That is, the relationship is idealized and there is a tendency to highlight the good in the relationship more, which begins to be noticed more with the distance between both parties. This occurs due to a bias in memory, which tends not to forget the bad and remember the good and idealize it.
6. Forgetfulness or anguish
At this point, two things can happen:
- When the hitch is not so big, distance becomes a facilitator to move forward with life and confirm the decision to end.
- However, when there is still love or there is a lot of dependence, anguish over the loss can appear strongly. The person thinks that they are definitively losing the other person and that, apparently, they have turned the page. He feels pain and it makes him realize what he has lost. Start thinking about what you will no longer have and what you are leaving behind with your decision and that can lead you to open up to other people and begin the stage of forgetting or to think about recovering the other and fighting for him or her, in this case it is when new agreements can be generated, to start a new and different relationship from the previous one. In this article we talk about and, above all, when it is possible to resume a relationship and when it is not.