dan
07/05/2023
It’s screwed, I have a toxic mother who has several traits. Disqualify, despise, nothing is ever enough, you are useless, etc.
The best thing I did was distance myself emotionally from her, the issue is that being financially dependent plays on that side. But hey, life goes on. My greatest wish is to achieve economic stability and leave. I don’t plan to maintain the link when I leave.
Ali
03/09/2022
And when a mother has several traits of a toxic mother? how do you solve it? because if the first step is to accept it, it is difficult for them to want to see it.
Daniela
09/08/2021
I am forty years old and I have a toxic mother who meets most of those characteristics, I no longer know what to do, it really makes my life bitter, I was married for 19 years and I separated for two years, she tries to control me, her comments that I should stay alone, not having a partner, they are recurring, he doesn’t want me to work because my 17-year-old daughter will be alone, I have told him that all this is my decision, but whenever he can he repeats it to me, I am fed up with this, I really feel very overwhelmed, I feel a lot of anger, sadness and helplessness, I no longer know what to do, I also feel very ashamed that my parents control me at this age, I feel afraid of trying to have a relationship with someone because of my parents, my dad thinks the same as me. Mom, I feel cornered, like I can’t breathe, when I separated I wanted to feel free but with them it’s impossible.
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Hope
01/14/2023
My story is similar, it is very hard to admit it before it was taboo, now I have a toxic mother who does not love me, I do not have children and well I lived in another country, I had to return and coexistence is not easy at all, since I was a child I It made me cry a lot and get bitter, but I have faith in God that one day I will get rid of this pain, I am old enough and I want to be free… people like that will not change; It is better to get the idea that there is no mother, to have tools and face life with the first love that is for God and ourselves; But how can we love others, in short there are people who should not procreate as is, blessings and good vibes to all.
Nice
01/16/2023
Hello Daniela. Thank you very much for sharing this, I know that your freedom is very important to you because of what you mention, so as a suggestion I would say that you take away that power that they have over you, forgiving them for the mistakes they have made but at the same time cutting the cord umbilical that unites you both. They are adults now and so are you, it’s not like when you were a child and depended on them. I think the need for your parents to want you to be single comes more from not wanting to let you go as a daughter and wanting to keep you close to them, perhaps as a response to their own loneliness. But I feel that it would do you a lot of good to practice some type of breathing and daily affirmations, giving yourself courage and self-love so that the comments of other people, even if they are your family, will have less impact on yourself. I wish you the best and send you a big hug.
MA ELENA LERMA JARALEÑO
08/23/2021
I WANT TO SUPPORT MY NIECE-
MY NIECE HER MOTHER ABANDONED HER AND ALWAYS TOLD HER THAT SHE DIDN’T LOVE HER AND BLAME HER THAT WITH HER BIRTH SHE WAS LOSING HER LIFE, HER MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER WHO IS MY MOTHER TOOK CHARGE OF HER, WHEN SHE IS BAD, SHE BLADES HER IN FACE WHAT IS A BURDEN, A HINDERMENT, AN ANCHOR, I CAN’T TALK TO MY GRANDMOTHER (I MEAN MY MOTHER) BECAUSE I WOULD GRAB HER MORE AGAINST MY NIECE, BUT I WANT TO HELP MY NIECE EMOTIONALLY WHAT CAN I DO
Maria
08/18/2021
Very good. We are 7 brothers. My mother has been fighting for 25 years and they have not spoken or maintained contact with 5 of them. Another of my brothers lives in the United States. Mom, apart from having done very serious things with me and my brothers, has at least 7 of the characteristics mentioned as “toxic” for which I feel guilty because I don’t want to take responsibility even though I know I won’t have any other option. Meanwhile, she is already turning 84 and calls me every day on the phone. She lives alone two and a half hours from home and I work very long hours from Monday to Saturday. You don’t want to sell and move closer. The truth is, I don’t know what to do, her life is screwing me up, as much as it screwed me up in the 18 years I lived with her when I was a minor. This is a bit of a catharsis but hey, thanks for the space and for the note.
Paula
08/09/2021
My mother-in-law has the complete combo!
VICTIMIZATION: Every day he complains about a new invented and exaggerated pain. He downplays the pain of others, only his pains are important. He has a couple of pathologies that would disappear if he ate properly and trained, he doesn’t want to do it, he prefers to complain about his “bad luck” and that “it’s age.”
CRITICISM AND CONTEMPT: Take advantage of any occasion to criticize your children and despise them. She usually says that she prefers to harshly criticize her own children, before others do so. They think that this way they will be prepared for the harshness of real life…the reality is that their self-esteem has been ruined and they are insecure. He never says positive things to them. Just pay attention to the few negative aspects they have. She sees the fault in others, she never criticizes herself, she is perfect. When told that her behavior is hurtful, she cries, plays the victim, and claims that it is our fault.
OVERPROTECTION: Her children are adults and she continues trying to protect them from any danger she invents. She is terrified of anything happening to them. For her everything is dangerous. We live in an area with low crime and good health centers. Covid triggered her exaggerated worries. When the dog chokes or has epileptic seizures…she reacts with screams and panic attacks. In real emergency situations, she is a liability.
DISCUSSIONS: She initiates all discussions. She asks hurtful questions to provoke conflict. She tries to cause fights weekly. If she is asked directly “what do you want? What’s wrong? What don’t you like? What do you want to solve?” She is not able to respond. She responds angrily by attacking, instead of honestly and clearly stating the problem that concerns her. She does not know how to verbalize her concerns correctly and honestly. She believes that we should all be able to guess what is happening to her, guess what is bothering her and therefore, that it is not necessary for her to verbalize it. Result? Lack of understanding, misunderstandings, poor communication, recurring conflicts.
JEALOUSY AND ENVY: Feel jealous and envious of anyone you know. She considers that only she has very bad luck in life, that other people have been given many facilities. Their conversations have 5 themes: excessively criticizing any acquaintance and/or family member, complaining about their “bad health”, complaining about the “shit world” in which we live and talking about celebrities from Telecircus (in their house you can only see Telecircus). He never speaks positively about anything.
SOCIALIZATION: He gets along badly with his co-workers and neighbors, he does not talk to his siblings and parents. She only has dealings with her husband, children and daughter-in-law. Supposedly the rest of the people have behaved very badly with her.
MENTAL HEALTH: You have daily anguish and discomfort. He frequently has panic attacks. He has been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Sudden mood swings. His anger is disproportionate and about ridiculous and unexpected things. He barely sleeps. She has been off work a thousand times due to anxiety. She has never been to a psychologist since “it’s not that serious, I’m able to handle it, I’m not crazy yet.” She usually takes anxiolytics as if they were ibuprofen. She is 50 years old and believes that she is too old, there is no remedy for her. MADIDO: her husband supports her neuroses and irrational beliefs, he is not aware of how harmful and manipulative her wife’s behavior is.
MANIPULATION: We have to do what she wants, okay? All kinds of blackmail and manipulations will come to light to convince you. He likes to make you feel guilty.
LONELINESS: She is terrified of being alone and reproaches things like “You always go about your business, you don’t take me into account at all. You don’t care about me.” or “You don’t love me, you only live with us while you study because it’s free”, “You’re not affectionate with me, you have to give me hugs and kisses…that’s why I’m your mother.” What has she achieved? Person who touches, person who knows
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Noelia
01/26/2022
Hello Paula… my mother is exactly the same as the description you have given of your mother-in-law.
And he is 69 years old
moni
07/13/2023
I stole it from you hahaha you described my mom.
CRITICISM AND CONTEMPT: Take advantage of any occasion to criticize your children and despise them. She usually says that she prefers to harshly criticize her own children, before others do so. They think that this way they will be prepared for the harshness of real life…the reality is that their self-esteem has been ruined and they are insecure. He never says positive things to them. Just pay attention to the few negative aspects they have. She sees the fault in others, she never criticizes herself, she is perfect. When told that her behavior is hurtful, she cries, plays the victim, and claims that it is our fault.
Ronald Miguel
07/09/2021
My mother lacks certain symptoms, thanks for the advice, now she is willing to change
Alexander
06/27/2021 My mom always gets angry about my school grades, but I never look for problems and I go with the best, but she always says “and yes, you never do your homework”, and that gets tiring as the day goes on day by day and I just want to live my life calmly and happy with what I do but she with her selfishness, I know I’m doing badly at school but she doesn’t want her to harass me either.
I’m 13 years old and I don’t feel like studying and I only spend time on social media being happy with myself but everything changes when I see my mom
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Lina
09/22/2021
What a pity that you can’t see that your mother only wants to see you happy, you are aware that being the worst in the class no one will take you into account and you will always believe that nothing matters to you but the reality is that your happiness is there in doing your part so that your life is as pleasant as possible. change, do your part and you will see that the solution is not in your mother but in you and the relationship you have with real and not virtual friends who do not tell you how proud they are of you.
Lia Yamileth Osuna L.
06/19/2021 Since I turned 9 my mother became much stricter and one of the most radical changes was that if I had not finished my homework she would not feed me that was Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday since those days the teacher I left easier tasks and Thursday and Friday I had to have completed at least 1 task out of 2 that was more difficult and if it took me too long, in the opinion of my mother, she would start reproaching me and saying ugly things to me like: not yet, screw it, mother, you don’t understand. animal, hurry up escuincla, even the dog is more attentive than you, here you are worse than a donkey among other very ugly and irritating things and my sister was the only one who enjoyed seeing me suffer since she was envious of me and still is because our father He gave me money or bought me things from time to time, he always rented the living room with the pool while my sister, since she was already an adult, didn’t give him anything, she even gave me…