There is a lot of talk today about the need to be positive, to have a permanently happy attitude, in any situation in life, to “always see the good side of things”, but this, although it may seem like it, is not always convenient.
What is toxic positivity?
The toxic positivity It is, in short,the obligation to allow ourselves only positive attitudes and feelings. From the rising wave of new age From the late 80s to the rise of personal motivators and meditation gurus, during the last decade, there are countless ways in which the so-called “positive psychology” (which Martin Seligman would inaugurate) spread. Many of these practices have promoted an optimistic lifestyle and have helped some people to face the difficulties of life. However, the trivialization of positive therapies, the simplification of optimistic discourse and, of course, the corresponding commodification of “the good vibesof the “Carpe Diem” or of “good vibes” became a risky problem: the generalized pressure to be totally positive, in every situation, always.
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The media pressure of positive discourse, and its integration and dissemination in society (through social networks, advertising, etc.) represents a real danger for mental health. Specialists consider that exacerbating the practice of “positivity” can become symptomatic, since avoiding suffering at all costs is in itself another way of suffering.
As psychologist Antonio Rodellar explained to BBC Mundo, we cannot ignore or ignore everything the range of human feelings and emotions, including those that they don’t seem positiveas the sadness, frustration, anger, envy, anxiety, etc., since these emotions also help us cope with life and understand the world we inhabit, they protect us, guide us and alert us. Disregarding them is a serious mistake, very typical of cultural fashions, but very inconvenient for our overall well-being.
Signs of toxic positivity
- Ignore the reactions or actions of anger, anger, irritation, fearetc.
- Inability to identify feelings
- Impossibility of communicate emotions
- Inability to identify what we dislike and its causes
- Need exacerbated to hide or hide emotions
- Impossibility of validate the emotion and tendency to replace it (“it could be even worse” or similar)
- Block either repress feelings that are considered negative
- Implement emotion displacement strategies (force oneself to perform any act that involves distracting attention towards another object of interest)
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Repress emotions and disguise this act under the mask of positivity can overload us and affect our mental health and physics. Stress, anxiety, anger and others can be consequences of this toxic positivity. The absence of consciousness criticism of one’s own emotions will end up resulting in the impossibility of managing appropriately our affectivity.
Four tips to avoid toxic positivity:
- Validate our emotions (whatever they are): The best way to act when faced with negative emotions is accept them and give them the value they deserve. We feel what we feel for numerous reasons and we must be aware that all of them our emotions are legitimate and, although we must understand them to manage them, They are not wrong or bad in and of themselves..
- Authenticity is a good ally: Not hiding ourselves is always a great virtue. We do not have to be afraid or resistant to expressing ourselves or recognizing that, sometimes, We feel bad. Being honest with ourselves seems easy, but it isn’t always.
- Self-awareness: The exercise of self-awareness is essential to manage our emotional and affective life. Be aware of what feel and try reveal the origins and causes of these feelings is fundamental for our mental health.
- Being bad is not bad: We are not obligated to feel good all the time. Although the Social networks are full of toxic positive messagesno one has a perfect life or emotionality or emotional condition completely stable and healthy always. We all deal with problems and the best way to do so is to know that it is not wrong to feel bad and that being aware of it means being honest with ourselves and not being naive about life.