Most people have gone or will go through, at least once in their lives, the devastating experience of having your heart broken. No one is immune to a breakup. This can cause psychological damage that impacts us in multiple ways: depression, insomnia, apathy, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, etc.
Maybe you are one of those who, between snot and songs of broken hearts, considers how to continue with your life. And by luck (or by searching), you have found this Psychology-Online article about How to overcome a break of couple. You have done well, because in this post we are going to help you and give you the key advice to know what to do to overcome a breakup.
How to get over a breakup according to psychology
When we are in a relationship our brain secretes hormones that give us pleasure, well-being, and happiness. These also help us strengthen the bond with our partner. One of the substances secreted is , a neurotransmitter that positively reinforces us, responsible for addiction.
That’s right, we turn addicted to love, to our relationship, and when it ends, the dopamine tap that gave us that feeling of satisfaction and well-being also closes. That’s when we start to suffer that kind of abstinence syndrome. Furthermore, to all this we must add the pain that a loss entails, because at the end of the day a bond that was important to you has just been broken.
Phases to overcome a breakup
The keys to overcoming a breakup, regardless of the type of relationship, are, indeed, going through each of the phases of the grieving and acceptance process. It should be said that these stages They do not happen in a linear way and they are basically the following:
- Closure. We need to close and put an end to that episode of our lives.
- Acceptance. Accept that it is over. To do this, we must take and accept the explanation they have given us for breaking up, or invent one, and stop insisting on seeking unnecessary and painful explanations.
- grieving. A breakup is a loss, the breaking of a bond that was important, which leaves a void. And that hurts. Taking time to feel and learn to deal with that pain is part of recovery.
- Want to move forward. We must have the determination to turn the page and continue with our lives. We can do it independently, for example by reading books to overcome a relationship breakup, or with professional help, attending therapy to overcome a relationship breakup. However, we all know that sometimes wanting something is not enough and depending on the type of relationship we get out of, it will help us more to focus on some aspects than others.
Avoid withdrawal syndrome
When we try to get over a breakup, we make some errors that unnecessarily prolong our suffering. These are, for example:
- Check your Instagram or other social networks.
- Write messages, look at your last connection.
- Check if you have read us or left us in view.
- Remember the good things about the relationship.
- Think and relive the beautiful and happy moments.
Doing all this is the equivalent of a junkie trying to get more drugs to get over his .
Don’t try to give him an explanation
One of the things that characterize breakups is the subsequent search for an explanation for that ending. We believe that if we are clear about why our partner has left us, that if we understand why exactly he has decided to end our relationship, we will be able to overcome it more easily.
But knowing the reason is often not enough, because for us it is such a dramatic and painful event that For our mind there must be an equally dramatic reason. However, often the explanation is too simple for our logic to handle.
Learn to be alone
You had your life together, your common project, your dreams, your expectations… and all of that is shattered by the damn unforeseen (or not so unforeseen, depending on the case) of separation.
Getting over a breakup after a long relationship is not easy, but you undoubtedly come out much stronger and reaffirmed. In these cases, it is important to learn to be alone, as we mentioned in the article, meet yourself againgo out, do things you like, meet more people, strengthen ties with those who love you and continue with your previous life to the extent possible.
Turn your back on social pressure
As we had already commented in another article cited above, society pressures us to find our ideal partner: it “rejects” us if we are weird for being single and “rewards” us if we follow the norm, it makes us feel like we fit in.
The pressure is such that it is not surprising that let’s long for that company, that we look for it and that we cling to it when we find it. We cling to it so much at first that we seem to go blind. And that blindness is what It doesn’t let us see the toxic things in the relationshipuntil it breaks.
Then comes the pain and all the mistakes we make trying to overcome that pain. Therefore, one of the important things after , apart from everything mentioned above, is not to idealize the person:
- Remember in what ways the relationship was not good for you.
- Keep in mind things that hurt youthings that bothered you, quirks that you no longer have to deal with, etc.
- Realize that before you were not happy and now you are free, and you have the opportunity to live beautiful and better experiences.
go to therapy
Even if you follow each tip, know that you don’t have to go through all of this alone. In any case it is always advisable receive psychological help to overcome a breakup, whether or not you find yourself with more difficulties than you can bear to face it.
The professionals will be able to do a better study of your case and give you advice adapted to your situation specific. And you can even turn the situation around if at that moment you are feeling a lot of suffering and see everything horrible.
Take your time
There is no stipulated time range for how long grieving a breakup lasts. Each person is a world and each relationship is different. That’s why, each one needs their time and space, and you have to grant them. Some take weeks and others years, but the important thing is that you overcome it. And remember, as Buddha said “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”
In case this post on how to get over a breakup has been helpful to you, we recommend you read and.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Winch, G. (2018). How to Fix a Broken Heart. Simon and Schuster.