The term gaslighting refers to a form of psychological manipulation in which one person attempts to make another person doubt their own perception, memory, or sanity. This type of abuse is characterized by manipulating a person to the point where the victim questions their own judgment and believes they are losing their minds.
This term was coined by the film adaptation of a play, said film is titled “Gaslight”, and tells the story of a man who tries to convince his beloved that “she is crazy” through endless emotional manipulations. If you want to know more about the most subtle form of abuse in psychological abuse, we recommend you read this Psychology-Online article in which we will talk about What is gaslighting according to psychology. In addition, we will show you the most common signs in which the gaslighting so you can detect it.
What is gaslighting in a couple?
He gaslighting It is a very subtle type of emotional abuse based on making the victim believe that they are not in their right mind, that is, that everything she thinks, remembers and perceives is within her imagination. The manipulation in gaslighting It is one of its most heartbreaking characteristics, reaching the point that the victim himself comes to question his own judgment and memories of the events.
Origin of the term gaslighting
As we said at the beginning of this article, the translation of gaslighting It is “gas light” and this name has its origin in the film adaptation of the work titled “Gas Light”. The film released in 1940 tells the story of a man (Gregory) who tries, in a subtle but deliberate way, to get his wife Paula lose your mind and end up in a psychiatric hospital to steal her jewelry.
In this case, Gregory uses several methods to make his wife question your own judgment: She moves objects around and blames Paula for losing them. She also constantly questions everything she tells her and comments that “she’s crazy” and that “it’s all her imagination.” Furthermore, the husband also practices this abuse in front of his friends, so that they also think that Paula is crazy.
The abuse is such that Paula begins to believe that she has real problems and that her judgment is affected by her mental instability. 40 years later, in 1980, the term gaslighting It was coined to refer to two phenomena within the:
- Those people who YoThey unconsciously confuse their partner and feed your most unstable thoughts
- Those individuals who They consciously manipulate their partner with the aim of getting something from that person.
How do I know if someone is gaslighting me?
On many occasions, psychological abuse is evidently expressed in the form of insults, threats, humiliation, etc. However, there are other ways in which a pattern of severe abuse can be observed. If you want to know how to detect the gaslightingpay attention to the signs of psychological manipulation that we offer below:
- Deny something that you know is evident: If your partner denies an event or something you have said, it may be a symptom of gaslighting. For example, you know that your partner commented that he did not like X movie, however, he denies it by blatantly lying “I never said that!” thus planting the seed of doubt: “Have I heard it wrong?” either “Could I have made it up?” These are some of the thoughts that may appear in your head.
- Comments on your mental health: especially if you have gone through a mental disorder, you can use your past as a throwing weapon. For example, he can tell you “remember that you are not well, you have had problems and right now you are not thinking clearly“. It is important not to confuse someone who really wants to help you overcome a mental disorder with a psychological manipulator.
- Try to turn people against you: the person who exercises gaslighting can go a step further and involve your social circle so that you feel isolated and really think you have a problem. Some of the common comments in these cases are “your friends think the same as me“, either “that person knows that you are not right“.
- If someone agrees with you “they are a liar”: If someone around you cares about you and tells you that your partner is manipulating you, most likely, said partner will deny it, destroying the credibility of your friend or family member with phrases like “Do not believe him“, “he is lying to you to manipulate you“, etc.
- It directly tells you that you are crazy: the maximum expression of gaslighting It has only two words: “you are crazy“However, after multiple manipulations, this comment can end up breaking down your mental strengths until you doubt your own mental capacity.
How to detect the gaslighting in the Laboral scene
This phenomenon not only occurs in couples, in the work environment There are also cases where a co-worker tries to bring down a person’s mental stability through the well-known “gaslight” method. Normally, the goal of this abuse is to get her the job, or to get that person to leave the company.
Finally, it is important to comment that the abuse known as gaslighting It can also occur between friends and even familyso we must know how to detect the alarm signs that can help us get out of this situation.
Examples of gaslighting in a couple
The article published by Kate Abramson summarizes very well some of the examples of gaslighting in the couple. We show them to you below:
- Don’t be paranoid.
- They are your imaginations.
- I was just kidding!
- That never happened.
- I think you’re exaggerating.
- I think you are not mentally well, you are not a stable person.
We want to remind you that it is important to reflect on the situation you are experiencing. If you consider that your partner does not respect you, you can try to talk to her about how their attitude and comments make you feel. If you do not find a solution and see that the situation remains the same, continue reading about this pattern of abuse to detect it and get out of it as soon as possible.
How to get out of a gaslighting situation
Leaving a situation of psychological abuse can be a difficult process, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself and seek support.
- Recognize psychological abuse: The first step is to recognize that you are experiencing psychological abuse. This can be difficult, as manipulators often try to make you doubt your own perception. Educate yourself about the signs of emotional and psychological abuse so you can identify them.
- Seek support: Do not face the situation alone. Lean on trusted people, such as friends, family or professionals. Share your experiences and feelings with them. You may also consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor trained in domestic violence or psychological abuse.
- Set limits and maintain your autonomy: It is important to establish clear boundaries with the person who is mistreating you. Maintain your autonomy and do not allow them to invade your personal or emotional space. Identify your needs and rights, and work to defend them.
- Document the abuse– Keep a record of incidents of psychological abuse. Write down dates, descriptions of what happened, and how it made you feel. This documentation may be helpful if you decide to take legal action or seek professional help.
- Gradually move away or seek legal help: Depending on the severity of the situation and your individual circumstances, it may be necessary to gradually distance yourself from the abusive person. This may include setting firmer boundaries, seeking legal advice, or considering a restraining order if you are in physical or emotional danger.
- Take care of yourself: During this process, it is important to take care of yourself. Find activities that make you feel good, and maintain a strong support network. Consider activities such as exercise, meditation, therapy, or participating in support groups.
If you think you are suffering gaslighting, try to seek help from people outside of this emotional abuse. In this way, you will be able to understand that your judgment is not wrong and recover like this confidence in your thoughts and ideas. If you consider it necessary, you can also go to a therapist specialized in psychological abuse and emotional violence to help you overcome gaslighting. Additionally, in this article you will find.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- Abramson, K. (2014). Turning up the Lights on Gaslighting. Philosophical Perspectives, 28(1), 1-30.