Hello, first I want to congratulate you for the courage to present your case here and to ask for admirable help; I clarify, I am not a psychologist, but perhaps some of these tips that I have put into practice will work for you.
I got some of the advice from my Bible readings and although my goal is not to change your beliefs or talk about religion. But it is undeniable that good advice can be extracted from that book.
Always remember that you are the adult, you have to set a good example and sooner or later your child will imitate you. Take into account that he is going through a stage of natural mourning after the death of a loved one, it could be a pet, family member or friend; In this case, the death of your grandmother, it is common for us as men to express feelings of sadness with annoyance and anger or even anger. This is when you have to be very patient and not give in to the feelings of anger that this could cause, by Contrary to what we may think, we can earn respect by treating others with love and dignity. If we want to earn respect through terror, we are committing terror because this stops working. Let me explain when, as children, we were told to do your homework or I hit you, that scared us and it worked as children but what happens after? This technique stops being useful, and children at a certain age could even confront their parents. The current situation in your country is very difficult, I congratulate you and commend you to continue working and worrying about your family as you have done until now, striving to maintain peace and unity in the family nucleus.
Everyone goes through problems in the family but you have to know how to deal with an argument, if your answers are full of hate it will only cause them to respond with hate, as an adult you always maintain composure and calm, remember that violence is the resource of incompetence and this can come in verbal or physical form. Always speak to calm the situation if it is necessary to allow a moment for the matter to cool down and when everyone is calm then it may be a good time to speak.
I read that your son bathes and lives with friends, which is good, it means that he does not have very severe depression, but perhaps he is facing this illness.
Take time to spend with your family.
How do you show your children that they are important to you? Surely he already does a lot for them so that they have food and shelter. He wouldn’t make those sacrifices if his children didn’t matter to him. Still, if you don’t give them enough time, they may think that you care more about other things—like work, friends, or hobbies—than you do about them.
Maybe he is not interested in spending time with you, he could get bored or consider it annoying, that is why I did not force these coexistence situations, he could start eating as a family, make sure that when your son goes to eat you all sit down to eat with him, do not do it. Force him to stay there until everyone finishes, just accompany him, try to do this every day, he might get interested in his topics of interest such as video games, and talk a little about it, but don’t question him, just talk and you’ll see that with him time will take effect.
In biblical times, men actively participated in the education of their children. God encouraged them to make time for them regularly, as demonstrated by Deuteronomy 6:6, 7.
Good parents know how to communicate
Knowing how to communicate with your children means knowing how to listen to them and learning not to react in an exaggerated way to what they say.
If your children fear that you will lose your temper and criticize them harshly, they will not feel free to express what they think and feel. But if you listen calmly, you’ll show them that you care about them from the bottom of your heart, and they’ll be more likely to open up to you. Whatever the topic is