Is thinking or putting others above what we feel an act of love or selfishness? An expert answers.
Before helping others, it is very important to help ourselves. We understand that many times there are people who believe that they should care for and help those around them before themselves, however this should not be the case.
In order for you to help others, you must look for strategies that work for you to raise your spirits a little; You definitely should not hide what you are feeling, nor pretend to be fine when you are not, it is important that you resort to strategies that may be useful for you and/or someone who may be going through a difficult time. Here we leave you some recommendations:
- Talk to a professional. This is a fundamental part of caring for your mental health, a psychologist or a psychiatrist are the professionals that we recommend you use in these cases, since they have the training to care for you and guide possible treatments that will help you manage the situation.
- Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to, but don’t be left alone and/or without activities. We know that when we are in a bad mood the first instinct of many is to stay alone waiting for the sadness to pass, however, this does not work. The best way to boost your spirits is to do small activities that you like. It is not necessary that you attend large social events, or participate in many meetings, try to include something simple in your routine every day that gives you happiness and try to share it with those you love. If someone else is going through a difficult time, try to find an activity that you both enjoy and try to concentrate on the moment, making the most of that small space, it can be very useful for both of you.
- Try to include physical activity in your daily life. Physical activity has been shown to have many mental health benefits. It doesn’t have to be something specific, the important thing is that it is something you like, it can be walking, running, cycling or dancing. You can also share these spaces with someone else, this way you take care of yourself and help others.
- Do not force yourself or others to fulfill social commitments or to have the “Christmas spirit.”. It’s okay if you decide to create new traditions and invite people who feel the way you do and live this time in the same way.
Is it an act of love or selfishness?
We believe that putting the needs and desires of others above our own is a true act of love, however this is not so true. As we said before, to take care of others it is important to first take care of ourselves. This self-care is basic and will never be a selfish act; Being able to accept that sometimes we are not in such a good mood and looking for strategies to take care of our mental health is key to being able to live peacefully at this time and at any other time of the year.
In the midst of the bombardment of messages about the importance of self-love, is it valid to do so?
There is a lot of talk about self-love, there are many messages on networks and in other media about the importance of self-love, but we don’t always really understand what it is.
Self-love is not something that we can build solely with beauty rituals and it is not limited to a state of “feeling good.” If beauty rituals can be part of our self-care routine and help us feel better about ourselves, it is valid. However, this is much bigger.
According to Dr. Deborah Khoshaba (2012), self-love “It is a state of self-appreciation that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love, furthermore, is dynamic and grows through actions that make us mature. When we act in a way that expands self-love in ourselves, we begin to accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths much better, we have less need to explain our flaws, we have compassion for ourselves, as human beings struggling to find a personal meaning, we are more focused on our life purpose and our values, and we hope to live fulfillment through our own efforts.”
In this sense, yes, self-love is very valid, because it implies build a good relationship with ourselves, promote our own development and build a meaningful life. This includes taking care of ourselves and understanding that, even in bad times, it is important to look for actions and people that help us feel better.
Could it mean hypocrisy?
It is not hypocritical, trying to care for others, even when we feel bad, may be the result of what we have learned from our environment. Culturally, the idea has been greatly promoted that we should put others first and, furthermore, that the best way to manage our emotions is to hide them.
This should not be like this, it is very important that we can talk about how we feel, that we can accept when we are not well and, above all, that we can look for strategies to take care of ourselves.
Whoever receives these gestures, how should he act?
If you notice that a person close to you is not having a good time, but it is difficult for them to say so and at the same time they are trying very hard to “cover up” what is happening or leaving their self-care aside, it would be very valuable for you to offer your Support and understanding. It is not necessary to do anything very special, but tell him or her that he or she does not always have to take care of others, that it is okay if he or she needs space and that you are willing to help him or her with whatever he or she needs.
Offer your company and tell him/her that you are willing to listen to him/her; If at any time you see that perhaps they are going through a difficult situation with their mental health, it is very valuable that you invite them to consult with a professional who can provide them with better guidance. Don’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to, but try to invite her to do things that might be enjoyable for him or her.
Above all, validate it and do not judge it; This is always very important.