You know when you feel bad, but you don’t want to feel that way, so you try not to feel bad, but that’s frustrating, and you end up in that endless cycle of negative feelings. Is that your case? Yes, science says that feeling bad about yourself when negative emotions invade you does not help you in the long term. Rather, research has shown the importance of feeling emotions for what they are, rather than falling into the trap of feeling bad about feeling bad.
It has been shown that people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience fewer negative emotions, which translates into good psychological health. In this Psychology-Online article, we tell you what you can do if you have the thought of “I feel bad about myself: what can I do?“
I feel bad emotionally: How do negative messages work?
If one of your recurring thoughts is “I feel bad about myself, what can I do?”, you may be sending yourself negative messages about yourself. Many people do. These are messages that you received and with which you have been building your self-esteem since you were a child from many different sources, including other children, teachers, family members, caregivers, even the media, and prejudices and stigmas. in our society.
Once you have learned them, these negative messages may have been repeated over and over again, especially when you don’t feel good about yourself or when you’re going through difficult moments. You may have come to believe them, you may even have made the problem worse by inventing some negative messages or thoughts on your own. These negative thoughts or messages make you feel bad about yourself and lower your self-esteem. Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include:
- “I’m an idiot”
- “I’m a loser”
- “I never do anything right”
- “No one would ever like me”
- “I’m a clumsy”
Most people believe these messages, no matter how false or unreal they are, they appear immediately under the right circumstances, for example, if you get a wrong answer you think “I’m so stupid.” The messages tend to imagine the worst of all, especially from you, and they are difficult to turn off or unlearn. You may even think the negative messages or say them to yourself so often that you barely notice them.
How to change those negative thoughts?
Pay attention to them and keep a notebook as you go about your daily routine for several days and write down negative thoughts about yourself when you notice them. Some people say they notice more negative thoughts when they are tired, sick, or during times of high stress.
Cognitive restructuring technique
Also, try to take a closer look at negative thought patterns to see if they are true or not. You may want to have a close friend or someone professional help you with this. When you are in a good mood and have a positive attitude toward yourself, ask yourself the following questions about each negative thought you have noticed:
- Is this message really true?
- Would a person say this to another person? If not, why do I tell myself?
- What do I gain by thinking this? If it makes me feel bad about myself, why not stop thinking about it?
You could also ask someone else, someone you love and trust, if you should believe that thought about yourself. Often, simply looking at a thought or situation in a new light helps.
I feel bad emotionally: steps to improve
The next step in this process is develop positive statements What you can tell yourself to replace these negative thoughts every time you notice yourself thinking them. You can’t think twice at the same time. When you are thinking a positive thought about yourself, you cannot be thinking a negative one. When developing these thoughts, use positive words like happy, peaceful, loving, enthusiastic…
Avoid using negative words like worried, scared, upset, tired, bored, no, never, can’t… Don’t make a statement like “I’m not going to worry anymore.” Instead, say “I focus on the positive” or what feels right to you. Replace “it would be nice if” with “should.” Always use the present tense, for example, “I’m fine, I’m happy, I have a good job,” as if the condition already exists. Use “I,” “I,” or “your own name.”
For , you can do this by folding a piece of paper in half the length to form two columns. In one column write the negative thought and in the other column write a thought. You can work to change your negative thoughts to positive thoughts in the following way:
- Replace negative thinking with positive thinking every time you realize that you are thinking the negative thought.
- Repeat your positive thoughts over and over to yourself, out loud whenever you have the chance, and even share them with someone else if possible.
- Make pieces of paper or signs on which they appear, hang them in places where you can see them frequently, such as on the refrigerator door or on the bathroom mirror, and repeat the thought several times when you see it.
Other tips to avoid feeling bad emotionally
The first thing you need to do is realize that you are talking negatively about yourself. If I tell myself “I’ll never do it,” the result is that I stop trying, because why should I bother? Therefore, these negative thoughts prevent us from doing new things and thriving as people, that is, they interfere with our lives.
Second, ask yourself a simple question. If you heard a child say these words, how would you respond? As adults with responsibilities and experiences, we forget to be kind and encouraging to ourselves. While there is a time and place for tough, reality-checking conversations, the daily dialogue we have in our minds should focus on what is possible, not excuses for what we don’t think we can achieve.
Finally, talk to someone who can help you put things in perspective. Most of us have someone like that. Typically they are older with more experience in life, such as grandparents, parents… You are not looking for compliments in this conversation. Instead, you are asking that person to remind you of the big picture or a time when they thought things were bad but they really weren’t or turned out to be a significant learning experience.
Put negative thoughts in context It helps us because our choices and mistakes are rarely as bad as we think they are. Creating that positive spin is motivating and sets us up for success.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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