The idea of space in a relationship usually has a negative connotation and can be associated with a breakup, however, it is an important element in creating healthy relationships. Intimate relationships thrive when they balance time together and time alone. That balance is vital, so it is not only important to bond and commit to the relationship, but also to respect the space to dedicate yourself to other important areas outside the couple.
Depending on the stage of the relationship and attachment style, one person may crave more space, while the other person craves more closeness. In these cases, telling your partner can be difficult, especially if your partner doesn’t seem to need as much space as you do. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article, we explain how to tell your partner that you need space.
How to know if you need space in your relationship
There are some signs that will help you realize if you need space in your relationship. We show them to you below:
- Constant arguments about small things: A sign that you need space from your partner is when there are constant arguments, especially over trivial things, and you feel more irritable. Sometimes, by distancing yourself and spending time apart, you can break this cycle of bickering. For example, try spending a weekend apart with other loved ones.
- Time together is not quality: if you are no longer having fun in your relationship, if you feel exhausted after spending time together, if the idea of your partner joining your plans is so unappealing that you minimize what you are doing or don’t tell him or her about your plans , it’s time to distance yourself. Being together should be a pleasant moment, but if it becomes increasingly difficult, it means that you need to take space. However, if you avoid spending time together at all costs, that could indicate that there is an incompatibility between the two of you.
- You don’t do anything without telling your partner first.: A very important sign that you need personal space in a relationship is when you can’t do anything without your partner knowing or without their approval. If you can’t even go shopping for basic products without telling your partner, it’s a red flag.
- You no longer like his quirks: If the little quirks that made your partner special and you found enjoyable are no longer fun to you, but rather uncomfortable and even annoying, it’s probably a good idea to spend some time apart.
- You are stressed or exhausted: When a person is going through a moment of stress or tension, spending too much time as a couple can cause friction and the person “exploding,” which could be detrimental to the relationship in the long run. Therefore, if there is a situation that you find stressful, it is a good idea to spend some time alone, even if the reason for your discomfort is external to your relationship. Taking time to be alone can help you discover where the stress is coming from, and when you figure it out, you can address it more constructively and without damaging your relationship.
- You don’t feel like yourself: If you feel exhausted, irritable or just don’t feel like yourself, it’s time to have more time for yourself. How can you if you don’t feel heard and there is no place for what you feel and want? Authenticity is the only way to develop a deep bond with your partner. Having time and space to better express your identity is essential.
If you identify with one or more of these signs, it’s time to tell your partner that you need space. It’s normal to be worried about their reaction, so whether you’ve just started dating or are in a long-term relationship, it’s very important. correctly communicate that need for space. Below, we give you some tips so that you can approach the issue in the best way and keep your relationship solid.
Communicate openly and honestly
Hints are never a good idea, as they are part of a passive-aggressive communication style and will not help your partner understand you. On the contrary, if you use them. He/she may wonder why you don’t communicate openly and honestly with him/her. For this reason, if you want your partner to understand that you need your space, it is important that you communicate honestly.
If you don’t know how to do it, don’t miss this article on .
Kindness and empathy
How to create your own space? It will be easier for your partner to understand your point of view if you remain calm and respectful throughout the conversation. Therefore, it is best wait to have the conversation in a quiet moment when you are both in a good mood so that he/she is more receptive. Naturally express what you need and don’t feel guilty for wanting time for yourself, but don’t blame your partner for how you feel.
Explain what you mean by “space”
Another aspect that you should keep in mind when telling your partner that you need space is to explain exactly what you need to avoid causing confusion. Many people associate the term space with the end of the relationship, and your partner may worry when you mention it.
Therefore, be specific about what it means to youiy offer details about what kind of space you want, whether it’s time alone or more time to develop your other relationships.
Mention why having space is important to you
People need space for different reasons. In your case, think about why you are looking to have a little more distance and tell him. If your partner knows why you need it, they will be more understanding.
In this sense, it is useful to use first-person phrases to describe how you feel to put more emphasis on your emotions and less on your partner. For example, you can say, “I feel exhausted when I leave work, so I need a couple of hours alone to relax and unwind.”
Resolve your doubts
If you need space in your relationship, it is important to communicate it. Even so, it is normal for your partner to have doubts or some type of confusion about your need for space, especially if it is the first time you let them know. For this reason, It is important that you clarify any doubts that you have so that there are no communication problems in the relationship.
Listen to what they have to say and think about your answers before responding. In addition, you can also take the opportunity to reaffirm that your relationship is important to you and, for that reason, you want both of you to be comfortable and happy in it.
Reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong
How to tell your partner that you need space? By doing so, he or she may feel guilty and worried or think that he or she could have done something to make you stay away from him or her. If this happens, Remind him that it is normal to spend some time apart in a relationship and that it is something necessary. Likewise, explain to him that it is not because of his behavior that he has driven you away, at least as long as that is not the case.
Explain how space can help your relationship
Likewise, another great way to tell your partner that you need space and that will make him or her more open to the idea is. explain the benefits of having space for each one. In this way, spending time doing things separately can strengthen the bond much more, since you can miss each other and grow individually.
Express your excitement about your time together
As we mentioned before, your partner may be worried about you moving away from them. For this reason, assure him that this is not the case reminding him that you still enjoy spending time together. Without a doubt, your partner will feel safer knowing that, even if you spend time alone, you also want to be with him/her.
To do this, you can let her know how much you want to spend quality time with her and make plans together in the future.
Reaffirms its value
In any case, it is important that your partner feels valued, so it is important express how much it means to you. Therefore, when you go to tell him that you need space, remind him that he is still a very important part of your life and that you are only asking for that space to strengthen your relationship. This article can help you in these cases.
Don’t feel guilty
Having space to focus on yourself and your friends, family, career, and hobbies is essential, not only for your own well-being, but also for maintaining a healthy relationship. For this reason, even if your partner doesn’t respond well to your need for space, It is important that you stay firm and don’t feel guilty.
To make her feel calmer, explain that you love her and that your need for space is something completely normal that does not have to diminish the importance of the relationship.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Hagemeyer, B., Schönbrodt, F.D., Neyer, F.J., Neberich, W., & Asendorpf, J.B. (2015). When “together” means “too close”: Agency motives and relationship functioning in coresident and living-apart-together couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 109(5), 813.
- Mashek, DJ, & Aron, A. (Eds.). (2004). Handbook of closeness and intimacy. Psychology Press.
- Sanz, RM (2010). Keys to psychotherapeutic intervention in couples. Psychological information(98), 33-41.