Being assertive is not an easy task, especially when we have to draw boundaries with our friends and family, but it is necessary for our mental health.
Assertiveness is the ability to express opinions, feelings and decisions at the right time, in an honest and respectful manner, in such a way that we do not end up affecting others. This social and communicative skill is somewhere between passivity and aggressiveness, since it involves asserting our position in a firm and persistent, but courteous manner.
Properly communicating our feelings and desires requires important personal and interpersonal skills. Being assertive can help us express ourselves clearly, openly and reasonably with other people, as long as we also listen to their opinions.
Using assertiveness is knowing how to draw limits and, likewise, give in, that is, you have to prepare to negotiate, and try to get what you want with the approval of the other, which will also have some benefits of its own.
It is important to know how to say no assertively
When we do something we don’t want, we feel manipulated by others, we begin to think that they are taking advantage of us and we begin to generate resentment towards those people who may be abusive to us.
That’s why, It is important to enhance self-confidence. Knowing how to say no allows us to develop our confidence and increase our self-esteem. Furthermore, if we do not exercise the right to say no, it is likely that we will find ourselves involved in situations that violate our principles, so that we create emotional discomfort and a negative feeling towards ourselves for having given in.
How to say no?
Saying no, assertively, has a series of benefits that we must consider as fundamental motivators to begin to improve our communication and self-esteem.
- Express a positive message before and after the no, for example: “I thank you for the offer, but I can’t accompany you. I don’t know if you’d like to make a similar plan next week.”
- Use body language to reinforce your position. Look your interlocutor in the eyes, with a clear and firm voice, accompanied by a half smile or a friendly face, without losing authority.
- Take into account the way the other person reacts. The situation you find yourself in may be stressful for both of you or the other individual may react aggressively, so make sure you fully understand what their request is and respond as assertively as possible.
- If you are not very clear, buy time. Answers like “let me think about it a little and I’ll get back to you tomorrow” or “I’ll check my agenda and get back to you later” will make the interlocutor prepare for the possibility that you won’t be able to do it.
Don’t forget that no matter how assertive we try to be, there will always be people who will feel your response as something personal. This is when you must understand that it is not your responsibility, since you were clear, kind and honest. Besides, No one is above you, and you have every right to say no to activities or topics that simply don’t make you feel comfortable.