I need guidance. I started a relationship with a girl who had broken up 5 months ago, after a relationship with her 17-year-old ex. Now we have been together for 4 months. Everything started well, almost idyllic, but then she realized that she still had things to process from her previous relationship and the separation from her, her fears appeared and now everything went cold. For me it is disconcerting, because there are days when we are like at the beginning and then a period of 1 week, 10 days, 2 weeks can follow in which she changes the way she treats me, we only communicate by WhatsApp or a call, she is less affectionate. She herself admits that she is afraid of not being ready for a new relationship and that she has backed away.
I am aware of the risk of rebound relationships. I don’t know, I don’t think it’s the typical case of that type of relationship, it doesn’t seem to me that she is totally emotionally unavailable but rather that she is in the middle of a logical process regarding her previous relationship, but she is doing her best to continue with me. I’m also trying to do it well, respect their spaces, their moments. We have talked about it several times, she asks me to go slower and I try to adapt, but it is difficult. I also recognize that I am somewhat anxious and that complicates things for us.
She has many things that attract me and I like. When she is well she is a wonderful woman, we share tastes, hobbies and values. I understand the moment that is happening, I myself went through a similar separation after 13 years as a couple, the big difference is that I separated more than 6 years ago, I had other relationships during that time, and she only 9 or 10 years ago months and I am the first after the ex. I think, and I have talked about it with her and she agreed, that the difficulty is where everyone is in relation to her previous relationship. I want to be patient, but I find it difficult to handle so much instability and as I said before, I also have my anxiety.
I’ve thought about ending the relationship, leaving the door open to resuming it in the future, but I don’t know if it’s the right decision, and I don’t really want to do it now. But maybe I’m not thinking straight, and that’s why I’m writing this and asking for advice. Thank you so much.