We’ve all heard that one nail pulls out another nail, but is that true? Does another person really heal the pain that the ex-partner may have left us? The following article from aims to talk about the myth that in a very short time another person can take away the void that that ex-partner may have left us. We will talk The characteristics and duration of rebound relationships and we will discuss your chances of success. Do you want to know if rebo relationships work? Keep reading.
What is a rebound relationship?
For most people, breaking up with someone is a painful process. Having broken up with your partner can leave us with a feeling of intense emptiness and, for this reason, some people quickly seek replace that person’s love with another relationship sentimental. This is when we find ourselves faced with the so-called rebound relationship or liana relationship.
Characteristics of rebound relationships
How do I know if I’m in a rebound relationship? The main characteristic of the rebound relationship is the short period of time between breakup and onset of the new relationship. On the other hand, we can also find other characteristics that can indicate that we are in a rebound relationship such as:
Pain
When you are with your new partner, your mind escapes from the pain you felt due to the breakup. But, when this disappears, the pain and the feeling of emptiness reappear. This can tell us that we are not really in love with the other person but rather that we still have open wounds of the previous relationship.
Need
The need for this new person to feel good. As the other person brings us comfortsince when we are with him or her the pain is less, relationships can develop with a very superficial intensity: the sex is intense, the words are very affectionate, but you really don’t seem prepared to talk about deep feelings.
Speed
In turn, this intensity can lead to precipitate acts such as: meeting family and friends in a very short time and even going to live together.
Comparison
Another characteristic that we can also see in rebound relationships is: the constant comparison of the “new love” with your ex-partner. This fact may mean that you are trying to find the previous partner in another person. The new person is not valued for what they really aresuch as their characteristics and attributes, but rather an attempt is made to look for the qualities of the former partner and for the person to act as a replacement.
sexual attraction
Furthermore, in rebound relationships, sexual attraction is usually the main driver of the relationship. Although enjoying sexuality is something natural and healthy in a relationship, a possible sign of a rebound relationship is use sex to avoid feelings and emotions which may arise due to discomfort from the previous breakup and emotional dissatisfaction with the new partner.
Instability
Finally, due to the emotional instability that a breakup entails, the new relationship will also be affected by these mood swings, which can be an unstable relationship with frequent mood swings.
How long does a rebound relationship last?
Due to the lack of stable emotional ties and the difficulty of forming them due to the characteristics that support rebound relationships, they do not usually last very long. Despite the short duration, many do not make it a year. They tend to be intense and hasty and decisions are made such as starting a life together very quickly, buying a pet together, going to a foreign country for a while, etc.
Why don’t rebound relationships work?
A romantic breakup represents a loss, so it inevitably requires a period of mourning. The person will need time to assume that you have broken up with your ex-partner, reorganize your life and thoughts, clarify the emotions you feel and allow yourself to feel the pain of the loss in order to overcome it. Sometimes people are afraid of having to face all that loss entails and they may skip grieving by quickly getting involved in a new relationship. In this way, the pain is masked by the new love. However, even if we want to deceive ourselves, the pain is still there and that will harm us when it comes to establishing new ties with another person. That is why many rebound relationships do not work because, despite wanting to get excited about another person and move on, The pain is still very present and does not allow progress.
To do this, it is important to keep in mind the phases of grief and what each of them entails:
- Normally, when a person suffers a romantic breakup, a feeling of denial and disbelief appears: “it can’t be that it’s over, if we were fine… it’s true that sometimes we didn’t agree on things, but it wasn’t relevant enough to end the relationship.”
- This disbelief usually gives way to anger, rage and annoyance; It is not understood why the relationship has ended and the person ends up getting angry first with the partner (it is not necessary to communicate this to them but it can be a thought) and then also with themselves for not having been able to do something to save the relationship. relationship.
- After anger usually comes sadness. Realizing that this person is no longer by your side. It is important that when we feel sadness, we let it come out: cry, express it to your friends, do a ritual that allows you to get rid of this sadness (there are those who do well watching a movie with which they know they always cry). On many occasions, at this point people find it difficult to express that they are sad and try to pretend that nothing is happening. To overcome grief, it is important to allow ourselves to feel the sadness that the loss has brought us with it.
- Taking sorrows outside can help us move to the next step: acceptance of loss. Understanding that your ex-partner is no longer part of your life, but that your life continues and you can be happy without that person, allows us to establish new objectives and goals in our life, assuming that we have suffered a loss.
In rebound relationships, on many occasions, this process has not been completely carried out. We may have remained in denial, rage and anger or sadness, since they are processes that can sometimes be unpleasant, and we decide not face them and replace the ex-partner with a new love.
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This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Boss, P. (2001). Ambiguous loss: how to learn to live with unfinished grief. Barcelona: gedisa.
- Poch Avellan, C. (2013). Losses and pains. Barcelona: Octadero.