Falling in love is always a reason for joy, we feel happier and life seems like a different color to us. In fact, the brain of lovers causes physiological reactions and releases chemical substances that are important to create that feeling. However, when we are no longer with that person, all of this can become unsettling and even more so if we see that our ex-partner has resumed his life and for us time has stopped at the moment of saying goodbye. At Psychology-Online we want to explain to you why your ex boasts of happiness and what to do.
Why does my ex say he is better off without me?
Maybe your ex-partner sees that you are still clinging to your relationship and doesn’t know what to do to make you see that yours is over. Sometimes, when people do not feel guilty for having hurt someone, we want to repair it in some way and we do not realize that sometimes we do not do it in the best way. Your ex-partner in an attempt to move on with your life and forget about him or her He can say phrases like “I’m better off without you” so that you realize that your life must move forward without the other person by your side.
Even so, it is also good that when someone has been important to you and they say something that harms you, such as “I am better off without you,” you act and defend yourself from that harm in the following way:
- Express how you feel. If what he told you has hurt you, it is important that you can express it and communicate it so that the other person can give you their reasons or simply apologize for what they have said.
- Ask why he does it. If we have any doubts, it is best to expose them to the other person and be able to see their point of view.
- Check your relationship. When your ex-partner makes a statement like this, it may be a good time to review the relationship as objectively as possible. Maybe for you it was also a harmful relationship and that allows you to open your eyes. In the following article we explain.
Why do I feel like my ex is happy and I’m not?
You feel that your ex-partner has turned the page and you, however, are still stuck in that chapter of your life. You ask yourself why and you can’t find an answer. He/she is happy and I am not. This fact can be a cause of great sadness, anguish and anxiety, for this we are going to see what may be happening
Idealization
Maybe right now you are seeing all the qualities of your ex-partner. When you think about him or her, only her virtues and everything she did well come to mind, but remember, like every human person, no one is perfect. You feel like you’ve lost the best person in the world because you’ve idealized her and you can’t see the flaws she also had.
Expectations
Maybe the expectations you both had placed on the relationship were not the same. It may be that you saw yourself spending the rest of your life together and the idea that your relationship could end never crossed your mind. That’s why you made joint goals and now you feel helpless, maybe it’s time to set your own goals.
Partial knowledge
Although today we can maintain contact with the person through social networks, it is important to keep in mind that there only a part of life is shown of the person. On these platforms, good times, joys, trips, etc. are usually shown. Don’t just stick with what you can see there.
Constant contact
As already mentioned in the previous point, social networks can be a focus that keeps us tied to the past. Perhaps it can be good to distance yourself from that person on social networks, you can eliminate your ex-partner, if you see it necessary to move forward. If you think that this may be too radical and that the other person may take it badly, you can always send an explanatory message “for a while I prefer to keep you out of my life so I have preferred to stop following you on social networks, I hope that You understand, it is for my good.” In this article we talk more about .
Talk too much about the person
There must be moments of everything in the process of getting over a breakup, but it is important not to obsess over talking about your ex-partner all the time. Don’t let it occupy the center of all conversations! You must provide your thoughts with fresh air with new topics of conversation.
wounded self-esteem
Family members, friends, partners, coworkers are people who have a great influence on how people see themselves, which is why experiencing one of those people leaving your life voluntarily can undermine your self-esteem.
Fear to loneliness
It may happen that the loss of the emotional bond with your partner has awakened a feeling of loneliness in you, and this may have been even more accentuated if your ex-partner has already rebuilt his life. When we feel like this, it is important to remember that in life we have more people around us and that one of the best company must be ourselves. Here we talk about.
How to get over the fact that my ex is happy with his new partner
To get over your ex-partner the first step is regain trust with oneselffor this it is very important reinforce self-esteem. Below we will see some exercises that can help you overcome your ex being happy with his new partner:
1. List of praise
It is a very simple exercise, you must remember compliments that have been said to you throughout your life, the more recent the better, and try not to let them come from your ex-partner. If at the time you do it you feel blocked and you don’t remember any, pick up your mobile phone and don’t be ashamed to ask your social circle. You will see how you will be surprised by the good things they think about you! This exercise It will help you see the good things you have and give you energy to move forward.
2. Make plans
When we are sad we tend to stay more closed in on ourselves. It is important that we have moments of everything, moments where we can be making a plan alone and others where we can go out and enjoy with other people. Furthermore, it is important that we do not wait for them to propose a plan to accept, but rather that we do it ourselves, that way we will see that our life continues without the other person by our side and that we have many others who can support us.
3. Exercise
One of the most useful ways to combat sadness is to do some sports. Physical exercise activates our body and also our brain. The latter releases substances that increase your energy and well-being, thus helping you forget the other person. Here you will find more information about .
4. Start something new
It’s time to start that activity you’ve always wanted to do, whether it’s starting dance classes, going on a trip or creating your own garden. You can divide the task into two parts if you prefer, a first part where you plan it (when you would do it, how you would do it, whether it would be alone or accompanied) and a second part, in which it is carried out.
5. Dedicate time to yourself
Stop spending time thinking about the other person and start spending time on yourself. Remember what makes you smile, your hobbies, that movie that always makes you laugh, that friend who always brings out your best side, surround yourself with family. Try to do everything within your power to increase your happiness and dedicate yourself fully to it.
6. Mindfulness or meditation
Meditation, mindfulness or full awareness can help you accept reality without any type of pejorative evaluation. It is a tool that allows you to focus your attention on the present moment. Without a doubt, this can improve your mood. Here you can see.
7. Ask yourself questions
Loss is a moment of crisis in a person’s life, but not everything is negative, as is often said and although it is sometimes difficult to believe, moments of crisis are moments of opportunities. It’s time to set new challenges, objectives, plans… To do this, I leave you some questions that can help you rethink what you want and where you want to go.
- What is my perfect day like?
- What makes me lose track of time?
- Who inspires me? Because?
- What have I always wanted to do?
- What do I want to improve?
- What do I like about my life?
- Make a list of the things you are good at
- What do I want to achieve in life?
- What stops me?
- What are my most important values?
- What keeps me up at night?
- What helps me concentrate?
8. Mantras
It is important that in moments where our emotions are on the surface that we repeat to ourselves phrases that help us to be good with ourselves and that keep us away from the feelings of guilt and contempt that may come with having lost your ex-partner. To do this, she left some phrases to repeat throughout the day.
- I’m doing the best I can
- I am proud of myself
- My strength is greater than my suffering
- I am surrounded by love
- I’ll let go of the things I can’t control
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Beyebach, M.; Herrero, M. (2010). 200 tasks in brief therapy. Publisher: Herder.
- Morgado, I. (2019). Desire and pleasure: the science of motivations. Publisher: Ariel.
- Riso, W. (2003). To love or depend?: how to overcome emotional attachment and make love a full and healthy experience. Publisher: Norma.