Recognizing a manipulator is not easy, but if you think you are in a relationship with someone like that and you don’t know how to handle it, here are some tips you can keep in mind.
Do you know any manipulative people? Surely yes, close or not, people with this characteristic are found everywhere. Discovering them is not so easy because it is not obvious at first glance that they act in pursuit of their own interests.even though the victim or manipulated person is aware that something is happening and that there is discomfort.
Why do they do it?
A study published by explains that there are two main reasons for them to act this way:
- They want to control the relationship in question and all the circumstances that disadvantage them in it.
- They avoid personal responsibility for any of their actions.
The curious thing is that according to (NPI), not all manipulative people are narcissists, but every narcissist is a great manipulator and points out how some of these people act blatantly.
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How to defend yourself?
The psychologist and psychotherapist Rosario Linares, director of he explained to that refusing to do anything we are not comfortable with It is the first step.
“It’s your right, If you do not want to give in to the demands, say “no” firmly and do not give them too many explanations because they will assume it as a feeling of guilt, So I said “I’m sorry, but I won’t do it,” he explains. Avoid thoughts that you are bad, untrustworthy or disloyal.
- Confront him by asking him to put himself in your shoes.
It is common that if you do not do what he or she wants, he or she will have a fit of anger and play the victim, making you feel that you are a bad person and for that reason he or she must punish or intimidate you. Faced with this situation,The best tool is to ask him questions assertively that make him aware of what he is doing.. Linares poses the following: “Does this seem reasonable to you? Do you think what you ask of me is fair? What do I gain from it?”, that way you put a mirror in front of him and show him that you don’t let yourself be easily manipulated.
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- Don’t let their words or actions hurt you.
Manipulation works if the person is allowed to do it, so It is essential that you do not give him the opportunity to give you chances or sarcasm. “The emotional manipulator will try to hurt you, and he will exploit your weaknesses, so he will want you to feel guilty or inadequate. Don’t fall into his trap, Don’t let their words or actions make you feel bad.”says Linares.
The psychologist, Moisés Suárez, explains to the same medium that Assertiveness facilitates the message that we are going to transmit to the manipulative personsince friendly, natural and respectful verbal communication will be used where the emotions and feelings of both the manipulator and ourselves are validated, and they will be made to understand that it will not be possible to fulfill their requests despite the insistence.
- Set firm deadlines and limits
Sometimes relationships stagnate on purpose because the manipulator is interested in controlling you and the situation, so they drag their feet, not taking steps to make a decision or take action is important. For that reason You must set firm boundaries and, if things remain the same, make radical decisions like cutting off communication and walking away.
“Do not try to defend yourself and simply stop needing to satisfy their needs, because in the end, if you feel that you are in a toxic relationship in which another person tries to manipulate you emotionally and does not respect you, but you cannot get out of it, the best is to go to a professional,” concludes Linares.
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