Forgiving oneself involves a process of introspection through which we become aware of our actions, the consequences and pain generated, we ask for forgiveness and assume the necessary change in behavior to avoid repeating the situation. Sometimes, some people cannot forgive themselves, which affects their daily functioning and, in the long run, can have a negative impact on their mental health.
In the following Psychology-Online article we will explain the reasons why these people cannot forgive themselves, the importance of successfully moving through this process and we will share some tips to achieve it. We’ll see now how to forgive yourself.
Forgiving oneself is a process through which we manage to accept responsibility for having harmed a person, we express our discomfort for it, we carry out reparative behaviors to correct or not repeat the situation created and we reach, with this, a higher level of consciousness. moral.
However, there are times when a person is not able to forgive himself. This may be due to different reasons:
- The error committed has caused (or has not prevented) a situation of breakup or loss in a specific situation in your life: sentimental breakup, breakup of a friendship, death of a person, ending an event, etc.
- The ego of the person is very sanctioning and does not allow him to make mistakes, punishing him for each one of them committed. In this article we explain.
- External agents They continually remind us of our responsibility for the mistake made: for example, when a family member, friend or acquaintance constantly blames us for what happened.
In all these cases, the person is unable to begin the process of self-forgiveness, which causes great psychological damage through guilt and shame.
When we make a mistake, it is essential to forgive ourselves to move forward with our lives in a positive and healthy way. Forgiving oneself does not mean ignoring the mistake made or forgetting. For self-forgiveness to be genuine, it is necessary to take responsibility for what happened and undertake a process of introspection that leads us to correct the error through reparative behaviors (external or internal) which will be the necessary previous step to forgive ourselves. .
The ability or not to forgive oneself is usually conditioned by certain aspects of one’s personality:
- People who are able to forgive themselves are people who have and maintain a high level of self-esteem, satisfaction with your life and psychological well-being; They are pro-social people, kind and very easy to forgive others.
- People who do not allow themselves to forgive themselves usually have low levels of self-esteem, high levels of guilt, anxiety and depression, and low personal satisfaction with life.
According to him Buddhismforgiving others for the pain they have caused us and asking for forgiveness for our hurtful acts are necessary and essential acts to cleanse our negative part and, with it, go getting closer to our true nature essential.
Louise Hayfor his part, speaks to us in the following terms regarding self-forgiveness:
(…) I forgive myself for having carried that burden for so long, for not having known how to love myself or others. (…) I continue with my work of cleaning the negative parts of my mind and giving way to love (…).
In this way, it is shown how important it is to ask for forgiveness for our mistakes and, at the same time, forgive ourselves in order to move forward loving ourselves and others.
How to forgive me? Through the following tips. In this section we will talk about techniques to forgive yourself, forgiveness therapy and how to forgive yourself for acts such as infidelity. Among the different techniques or ways to forgive yourself are the following:
1. Analyze the causes
For example, analyze what led you to maintain said infidelity (dissatisfaction with your partner, revenge, impulsive and thoughtless behavior, etc.).
2. Become aware of needs
What did we intend with that action? What are we looking for? Behind every action there is a need to be covered. Investigate and become aware of what you need.
3. Connect with emotions
Reflect on how we felt when committing that act. In the case of infidelity, reflect on what this experience has meant to you and how you want to act on it (was it something specific and temporary, does it affect you emotionally beyond the physical relationship, etc.)
4. Take responsibility for your actions
Don’t look for excuses or hide. Being responsible for your own actions makes you brave. Recognizing it is the first step to accepting it and being able to change it. I feel essential steps on the path to forgiving yourself.
5. Assume the consequences
At this point, it is important to accept and respect the consequences of our actions. In the case of infidelity, for example: the pain caused to our partner and the decision they have made, breakup of the couple or estrangement, etc.
6. Identify impediments
Establish a list of the things that prevent me from forgiving myself versus those that I can do to forgive myself, a very visible and practical way to undertake those actions that will favor the forgiveness process.
7. Meditate
Meditate or visualize ourselves asking forgiveness It will help the injured person feel the pain that causing this pain has caused us and will relieve us of guilt. Here you can see others.
8. Visualize
Meditate or visualize discharge of blame parasitic, which makes us feel bad but prevents us from acting to compensate for the error. This will allow us to take responsibility for what happened and have the necessary strength to amend the damage caused. In this article we explain the.
9. Ask for forgiveness
As a last step, it will be necessary to apologize for the mistake made, forgive ourselves for it and correct the error in a respectful and conscious way in the direction we have chosen.
With the example of infidelity, in the event that we decide to start a new relationship with the other person, the matter will be explained in a cordial and emotional way. If you continue to love this person, you will act accordingly to re-establish balance and well-being in the relationship. If this possibility does not exist, this situation will be put to an end, accepting the pain it entails but moving on with one’s life.
10. Compensate
Direct our actions to correct our erroneous behaviorwhich will make it easier to forgive ourselves for our good will toward change.
11. Hoponopono
A philosophy of Polynesian origin that aims to resolve conflicts and heal spiritually through forgiveness and love. Forgiveness is achieved through confession, compensation, repentance and sincere understanding.
12. Forgiveness therapy
Forgiveness therapy constitutes a psychological discipline through which work is carried out with the affected people to either forgive the person who has hurt us or to ask for forgiveness and free ourselves from guilt for the mistake committed. The steps taken in this second case are:
- Recognize the damage we cause with our actions
- Feel the pain we cause with it
- Analyze our behavior and what led us to it
- Find alternative responses so that it does not happen again.
- Apologize to the person(s) harmed
- Restore the damage caused with our change of behavior