There is no point in making invisible the difficulty of facing the first festivities without a loved one, especially at Christmas. A normally joyful period becomes an experience of renewed pain. Some claim that time plays its part and that the holidays are lived with a different spirit.
One then wonders how long the state of suffering can last and how to grieve at Christmas. This trance seems to be cyclical, with ups and downs, with moments in which one feels broken as in the first period, and others in which progress is noticeable. In this Psychology-Online article we will discover together 10 tips on how to face Christmas without a loved one.
Recognize what it feels like
One of the most important tips on how to spend a Christmas without a loved one is don’t hide your feelings. When you feel overwhelmed by intense and painful emotions, you need to give yourself time, and give yourself what you need if, for example, you want to talk to someone.
This could be useful for you to take the first step in , although it is often difficult to accomplish. On the contrary, if you feel the desire to live your pain in privacy, it is important meet your needs more intrinsic.
Talk about the loved one
It is difficult to know how to overcome the loss of a loved one, we often tend not to mention people who are no longer part of our lives so as not to disturb those who remain, so as not to ruin the atmosphere or bring sadness.
If a person is grieving, being able to talk about their loved one can help them express their feelings, however painful, and helps keep their memories alive. Pretending to act as if a person did not exist is much worse than face sadness during the festivities.
Respect each person’s reaction
There is no right or wrong way to deal with what you feel: pain is something very intimate and each person experiences it personally. Therefore, Not everyone expresses pain in the same way., and the best thing to do is to allow everyone to deal with the loss personally. We should not expect certain behaviors or for others to express pain as we would.
Let go of hypotheses
We can’t know how the person suffering feels at that moment: we can’t assume that they don’t feel like going out, having company, or celebrating, but we can ask. If the mourning is recent, we can offer help for specific taskslike buying gifts together or decorating the house.
Know your own role
If that person spends their first Christmas without a loved one, they need at least three types of supporters in life:
- The listenerthat is, the supporter who offers a shoulder on the cries, a person who is able to handle the intimate details and emotion.
- The agentor the person who can help in everyday practice, such as picking up children from school or helping with household chores when requested by the person who has suffered a loss;
- The distractor, which can offer lighter moments and can help you take a break from the hard work of processing grief.
Be patient
One of the tips on how to spend Christmas without a loved one is to admit that the emotions of mourning have a different duration for each person and often the external appearance. What we see may not match the feelings the person is experiencing.
Therefore, it is important to stay with the person in mourning, understanding that there may be ups and downs and that these can last a long time, reiterating that we will be present in any case, both in the good and the bad, without judgment or particular demands.
Plan ahead
Often the anxiety and anguish in anticipation of Christmas and other holidays may be more intense than what is actually perceived during the celebrations. Making plans about how to spend this time can be helpful in feeling more under control, it can help distract yourself and not let yourself be overwhelmed by anxiety typical when trying to cope with the death of a loved one.
Question your own plans
The next tip on how to face Christmas without a loved one is to change the context. Sometimes you can feel the need to change location which until then had been the protagonist of happy and carefree moments. Some people, for example, feel more comfortable changing their vacation destination.
If for some it can be helpful, for others, however, it is important to share that daily life again, as an expression of closeness. What is essential is to try to maintain good communication with those close to you.
Create a new tradition
Some families may find it helpful to create something intimate to experience their own grief and renew the memory of the loved one. An example of how to face Christmas without a loved one is to remember the deceased by dedicating yourself to volunteering, creating spaces in which it is possible to return to the present the memory of those who are no longer here, sharing your memories and bringing it to life in his own words.
Pay attention to potentially harmful behaviors
The final tip on how to cope with Christmas without a loved one pays attention to the heightened feelings of grief and loss during the holidays, so take into account emotions (and the reactions to them) in this period of time.
Fatigue, loss of appetite and feelings of apathy and helplessness can indicate that the pain experienced could lead to depression. Experts warn that this can lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as excessive alcohol consumptionwithdrawal from social situations or self-harm.
The first holidays without a loved one are difficult, and although nothing can replace what has been lost, we must take care of ourselves and dedicate time to remembering those people. Additionally, it is important to enjoy holiday traditions, as this can alleviate some suffering, helping us move forward in grieving.
If you liked this post about how to face Christmas without a loved one, we encourage you to consult our articles about and .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- Meza Dávalos, Erika G, & García, Silvia, & Torres Gómez, A, & Castillo, L, & Sauri Suárez, S, & Martínez Silva, B (2008). The grieving process. A human mechanism for managing emotional losses. Journal of Medical-Surgical Specialties, 13(1),28-31.. ISSN: 1665-7330. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=47316103007
- Guillén Guillén, Elena, & Gordillo Montaño, Mª José, & Gordillo Gordillo, Mª Dolores (2015). THE GROUP HELPED ME NOT TO STAGNET. ADVANCE IN THE GRIEF PROCESS. International Journal of Developmental and Educational Psychology, 2(1),469-476.. ISSN: 0214-9877. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=349851784046