Throughout the different stages of our life we develop affective bonds free and spontaneous with people who, in general, do not belong to our family or work environment, the friends. We also join groups united by affection and acceptance. These friendship relationships generate ties of great emotional value.
In fact, several scientific studies have shown that those people who manage to connect more on a social level and cultivate close, quality relationships perceive themselves to be happier, have better physical and mental health, and also live longer.
What are the keys to have friendship healthy?
Enric and David Corbera explain 5 keys to be able to enrich and improve the interpersonal relationships that we establish in the different areas of our lives.
In this article we will see how the ties with our friends are a reflection of the treatment we have with ourselves and we will address some recommendations to develop friendships that enrich our lives.
In this video, Sara Pallarès shares the benefits of friendship and offers some strategies to relate to others in an optimal way, thus increasing our well-being and happiness.
The role of friendships
Friendship is a bond of reciprocity between people based on a genuine affection that is expressed with confidence and freedom. True friends are interested in each other’s well-being and accompany each other in difficulties.
It is important to be a good friend to be able to develop good friendships, but there is not much in that sense, so it can be challenging to reflect on the kind of friend we are and on the way in which we build within ourselves the conditions to offer quality in this peculiar relationship.
Shift the focus from our friends to us
We are used to fixing our attention on what surrounds us more than on ourselves, therefore, we point more easily to what we expect to receive from others instead of ask ourselves what kind of person we are willing to be in our interpersonal relationships.
To deal with this habit, from Bioneuroemoción we propose that ability to know our operating patterns since, only by improving the relationship with ourselves can we relate to others in an optimal way and thus improve our relationships.
Why do we have the friends we have?
Why we choose certain friendship relationships over others is not, in general, a conscious choice. However, as in all our relationships, also in this area we bond with those people who resonate with us.
The beginning of the developed by psychology indicates that we project onto the other characteristics that are our own, but of which we are not aware. If we can recognize them in others it is because they are part of us, although the only way we can see it is through them.
In this sense, we do not see things as they are, but we are always interpreting them and, therefore, we also have a preconception of how relationships should be. Everything in others it is based on the beliefs that reside in our consciousness.
With friends we also balance the hence we attract to our circle of friends people who are very similar to us or, precisely, much more differentcreating a complementarity.
For example, when a person who plays the role of caregiver in your life becomes friend of neglected people (showing a complementary polarity to yours), or with people who also tend to care for others (showing the same polarity).
From what we observe, if it is through the links that we repeat or repair aspects of our history, our friends can be great teachers. Them unconscious, what can drive us to transcend it.
“Whoever finds a friend, finds a treasure”
Sirach 6:14
Howeverhow we can consciously cultivate meaningful relationships?
premises to build healthy friendship relationships
The kind of friendships we have will talk about ourselves. It is not about perfect relationships, but about forming solid bonds that nurture us and encourage us to get to know each other and give our best.
Here we list some factors that can help us transform our friendships into quality relationships.
“A friend is a gift that one gives oneself”
Create assertive emotional spaces
This means generating areas where everyone can allow themselves to express themselves as they really feel, without disguises and without fear of being judged. Where spontaneity and freedom are the rule, which do not require stridency and it is the silence of a look that is enough to confirm that space of well-being.
“Friendship doubles the joys and divides the anguish in half”
Be authentic to have true friendships
offer to friend the true version of yourself, without striving to be a certain way in order to satisfy it. If one does not show himself as he is, he is not giving the other the opportunity to be authentic either., with which superficial and empty relationships are generated. When we don’t relate from who we really are, we’re actually still alone.
If you know yourself well enough to not be afraid of showing yourself as you are, your friend will be able to accept you because you accepted yourself first.. The more insecure you feel, the more this is expressed in your environment. That is why the journey is always inward and then outward.
Authenticity holds another challenge, it implies that each one shows parts of himself that the other had not known, with which relationship can change. It will be the opportunity for the type of bond that unites them to evolve.
“There can be no friendship where there is no freedom”
develop compassion
One of the keys to keep friendship long term is understand the states of the other, their circumstances, always wishing them the best. But for this to be a sincere and profound attitude, it must be based on the experience of understand us and .
This change of perception proposed by Bioneuroemotion also implies don’t take anything personal because we do not know the internal process in which our friendwho only expects our respect and accompaniment, and often in silence.
How many times has it happened to us that we needed to postpone a WhatsApp response or silence a group of friends ‘Cause we just needed a break This had nothing to do with them but with what we were going through inside ourselves.
“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a moment for silence. A time to let go and allow people to do what they want with their destiny. And a moment to get up to pick up the pieces when everything happens.
henry ford
Not relying on the approval of best friends
Take responsibility for our own happiness and not put it on the other. It is working on yourself and recognizing your own worth without waiting for our friends to be the ones to confirm our self-esteem.
This also means maintain these relationships because we want to and not because we need themsince this would give rise to a toxic dynamic that generates . Giving too much importance to what others say and seeking their agreement usually masks a negative comparison, whose other side is envy and .
In addition, waiting for approval to reaffirm one’s worth takes freedom away from that the other loves us as he can or as he feels. And, paradoxically, it can lead us to the .
Keeping the balance in the friendship relationship
It is important to reach a balance between giving and receiving, between speaking and listening, between being and giving space so that everyone can find themselves.
Although in one friendship we give selflessly, it is necessary to care let that energy flow within the relationship and transform to return to us in different ways. Similarly, it is necessary know because if the relationship loses balance it becomes toxic for one of the parties.
It is common to see a verbose person monopolizing the meetings of friendsleaving no room for others to speak or raising the volume in such a way that there can be no more personal conversations between some of those present.
Necessary listen and be heard applying the and the to create good friendships.
“Paying attention to others is the most genuine and least frequent form of generosity”
Don’t give advice if you don’t ask for it
Although we consider ourselves great friends, we are nobody to interfere in the lives of others, judge their facts or their lives. If we love the other, we will accept their process without interference.
The that we propose from the Bioneuroemoción remarks that in the other we are always finding ourselvesso the respect we have for ourselves is what will be reflected in the judgments we make of others.
Yes one friend asks us for your opinion or your help, we can take the step of offering it from the deep respect and affection that we have towards our own internal pathso full of ups and downs and learning.
“Friendship is a soul that lives in two bodies, a heart that lives in two souls”
Aristotle
Do not try to change others
It is about accepting the other as he is -or as we perceive him to be-, without trying to change him since the only person we have the right and obligation to change is ourselves. If we do not allow ourselves to make mistakes, we blame ourselves and do not understand ourselves, we will do the same with others.
With friends sometimes we are subtle, we advise them without permission, we suggest a certain way of acting, we ask them for unnecessary intimate information, we treat them with hurtful words in the name of a supposed . It hides the pretense that they are otherwise and, moreover, that we compare ourselves with them.
Judging another is a common practice. Sometimes we call it an opinion, other times directly . Such typical ego reactions make it impossible to recognize that everyone has their way, their times, their defeats, their successes, their failures and their learning.
Conclution
A healthy friendship relationship is one that It is there when we succeed and also when we have failed.in the same way that we celebrate our own triumphs and have patience with each other in our ups and downs.
Quality relationships make us feel full and satisfied, in them we feel safe and confident of being ourselves and of being surrounded by people who appreciate us and want the best for us. Achieving them requires a series of commitments to authenticity, respect, trust, silence and sufficient distance so that one’s own life and that of the other evolve in freedom.
Let’s remember that what we receive shows us what we are. Therefore, if we want to have close people with whom we can build healthy affective relationships that add to our lives, It is necessary to cultivate within ourselves everything that…