Did you know that the least we communicate with is with words? Language and emotional communication reflect our entire being. Whether or not we are aware of it, internal emotional states always manifest themselves, even when we try to hide or disguise them.
In this article we will review some resources that our mind has that prevent us from living in inner coherence and we will see how deep communication is key to knowing and relating to others in a genuine, effective and healthy way.
Likewise, we will address some elements to improve our internal dialogue and achieve the transformation we seek.
Deep emotional communication can encourage us to stop feeling guilty and/or victims, to live in coherence, which implies connecting our thoughts with our deepest emotions.
In this video, David Corbera shares keys and resources to improve our emotional communication in the classroom. Being consistent and authentic when we communicate is essential to genuinely connecting with our students. Only then can we offer them the support and guidance they need.
Communication is always emotional
It is impossible not to communicate and our main way of doing it is not with words. Gestures and micro-expressions, postures and movements, tones of voice and ways of looking, silences and the context itself, among other factors, complement the verbal message that we are expressing.
We can observe it in two young children who, although they still cannot speak or do so in different languages, manage to establish contact, communicate and play together.. This is called emotional language.
The psychologist Albert Mehrabian already said it in 1967 when his research showed that only 7% of communication corresponds to wordswhile 38% express it with our voices and the remaining 55% with our bodies¹.
“Words are never enough when what needs to be said overflows the soul”
It is the emotions that we transmit through these resources that accurately reflect our internal state.. Our interlocutor unconsciously captures all this as a whole and reacts accordingly. Here it is not possible to lie and we are communicating all the time, even with silences or leaving the scene.
The fact of being silent or silent, what theoretically would be not to communicate, acquires some meaning for the person who is in interaction. The popular heritage already says it: “A silence can say more than a thousand words. Therefore, it is important to understand that .
“Silence can have as many shades as speech”
So, if we cannot “not communicate” and we cannot control all the non-verbal language that we are emittingthe effective solution to be able to communicate in an honest and transparent way is to be aware of our internal dialogue. That is what will allow us to know our emotional state and it is what will end up being shown at the moment in which we are speaking.
What is the root of our communication problems?
We tend to present our difficulties in communicating as something in itself. We say, for example, “I am a person who finds it difficult to speak in public” either “I do not dare to write to you because I am dying of shame”.
However, what we see as communication problems with others are actually symptoms of our lack of , they are the effect of not disarming what hinders us to solve it.
The way we express ourselves is the consequence of the quality of dialogue we have with ourselves.
We can also observe it when someone, for example, cannot explain something clearly and goes around a lot. This is because it is not clear inside. He doesn’t quite know what he thinks or feels about it. The other way, assertiveness in communication is born from a deep inner clarity.
“To be passive is to let others decide for you. Being aggressive is deciding for others. Being assertive is deciding for yourself.”
Only , we will know what is the message that we are really communicating. Therefore, the fundamental key to improve our way of communicating is . And we can begin to know each other in depth through a simple habit: observing our internal dialogue.
How to transform our internal dialogue to favor emotional communication
Everything that surrounds our way of expressing ourselves is the result of a type of internal processing that we have been feeding and that has finally given rise to bodily expressiveness, including verbal. Being able to use words appropriately within one’s own internal dialogue will be reflected in the way we communicate with others.
This is because, although, from a dual mind we perceive that we are communicating with another, authentic communication is always and only with ourselves. In this sense, the quality of our thoughts will generate the emotions that will guide our behavior. That is where you have to look.
This coherence -or lack of it- between what we think, feel and do is the source of our way of being and being in the world. and, therefore, our way of communicating. That is why it is necessary through a deep and continuous .
“Who are you speaking so loud I can’t hear what you say”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Paying attention and sharpening our senses about the conversation we have with ourselves is the way. Turn self-observation into a habit will put the deep emotional communication in the place of relevance that it should have.
Difficulties in our own emotional communication are signs
Our relationships are mirrors in which we can meet
When we recognize that even when we interact with other people, we can use the problems in this interrelation to become aware and get to know each other.
What we think is not right we can use it to our advantage to know ourselves and transform ourselves. In addition, by making changes in ourselves we will stop waiting for the other to change or blame them for our suffering.
When, for example, we recognize that it is difficult for us to listen, one might ask what is behind our need to speak before, always speak or do it above others and with it, not being able to sustain an attentive listening.
“Empathy resides in the ability to be present without opinion”
In the same line, it would be easier to assign responsibility for communication difficulties to the other. “I can’t discuss this with my boss”, “with my adolescent son I always end up yelling”, “my partner expects me to guess what is happening to him” are just examples of the shortcuts we usually resort to to avoid looking in our inner mirror and do there the task that remains to be done.
Search within ourselves for the causes of aggressive words, prejudiced expressions, even our curiosity about gossip and gossip, among many other conversations that are not constructive, It will be the way to heal from the roots and improve our internal and external well-being.
Conclution
Beliefs such as “my problem is that I don’t know how to communicate correctly” are usually justifications for hide a much deeper conflict.
Really, we all communicate perfectly, understanding that communication is the expression of our internal world towards others and/or with ourselves. Our communicative conflicts are an accurate reflection of our beliefs, wounds and complexes..
Emotional communication is not only a tool to establish balanced, respectful and coherent ties with others, but also involves an opportunity to identify and overcome our own conflicts and move forward in our development process.
Communication always expresses what we are, do and think
Therefore, internal change is only possible through an honest internal dialogue that leads us to know each other in depth, modify in us what we want to be otherwise and, as a consequence, improve our relationships. We all have the power to do it, you just have to put yourself in the task.
how to get that effective communication? Is about go shelling with love and patience each of the links that prevent us from transforming and being better in the world.
These links are the seeds of a increased self-esteem and self-confidenceof better relationships and of a wellness excitesl that will be reflected in our internal and external world.
¹ «Inference of attitudes from non-verbal communication in two channels», Mehrabian, Albert; Ferris, Susan R. (1967). Journal of Consulting Psychology 31(3): 248-252.
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