When we start flirting with a person, on many occasions, illusions arise in us, we place certain expectations on that person but doubts can also haunt us: does the other person think the same as me? Are we at the same point? What if she just wants a roll? At Psychology-Online we want to give you 15 signs that can help you know if that special someone wants something serious.
How to know if it’s a roll or something else
Below we can see certain differences between the attitude of a person who wants a joke and one who wants something serious:
The communication
In the event that the person wants something serious, communication is quite common and fluid. On the other hand, when the person just wants a hookup, what he usually does is talk to you only when he wants to meet you, without showing prior interest. In this article you will find.
The dates
When a person wants something serious, normally the dates tend to be varied, one day you make a plan, another you change and go to another place, etc. When a person just wants something, it usually happens that the plans tend to be very monotonous.
The level of intimacy
In the event that the person only wants a hook-up, the level of intimacy will be basically sexual. The person who wants something serious with you will look for, apart from sexual intimacy, other forms of get to know you in a deeper wayasking you about aspects of your life, events that have marked you, etc.
listening
If the person is interested in you, they will listen carefully to what you tell them and will also keep certain details to ask you later.
The priorities
In a person’s life there are various priorities: family, friends, work, etc. When you show up you have become another of his priorities, that doesn’t mean he always makes plans with you, but he looks for time or offers alternatives to meet up. Tea show that you are important in their life. The person who just wants a vibe will prioritize you only when it interests them.
Third parties
The person who just wants something will probably talk to you at some point or miss talking about someone else in their life.
Transparency
It may happen that the person who just wants a hookup doesn’t want to meet you in public spaces. The reason? Not wanting other people to see you and interpret what is not.
The sensations
People who want something more usually arouse a certain amount of trust in the other person. If you just want a hookup, the feeling when you meet that person will not be as pleasant. In this article we explain.
What attitudes does a person who wants something serious have?
The person who wants something serious with you probably shows some of the following characteristics:
Constancy
A person who is looking for a serious relationship is constantly talking to you. Look for conversation topics, don’t let it die down.
Interest
When you want something serious with a person, you show interest in them. You care about knowing her concerns, her hobbies, her fears, etc. Also, in turn, you make sure that the other person also knows you. Here you will find .
The details
The person who really wants something serious with you takes care of the details. He informs you when he will have to be absent, he says goodbye to you and greets you every day, he takes your opinion into account when making plans and even remembers what food you like to go to for lunch or dinner.
Evolution of plans
These are increasingly more elaborate, in line with the evolution of the relationship. You have gone from going out for drinks, to the next dinner date, to finally, after a while, going to spend a weekend together.
Future plans
Talking about the future with you doesn’t have to mean long term. In the immediate future, he has you in mind. He invites you to meet his friends and includes you in some plans such as vacation periods. A person who doesn’t want anything serious will never talk to you about a not-too-distant future, they will live for today and won’t want to talk about tomorrow.
Depth
Highlight qualities of yours that go beyond physical appearance. He claims that he likes the way you are, your smile, your look, etc.
Trust
He opens up to you and tells you things about his personal life, his concerns and desires, plans he has… In short, he makes you a participant in his life.
How to ask if you want something serious
Asking someone what they want with us is perhaps the most difficult part for us. Below we pose some question format that can give us the answer we are looking for:
Ask about previous relationships
This question is often very revealing. Sometimes, just by asking that, the person directly answers things like: “after my ex-partner I no longer want anything serious.” At that moment you can already get an idea that he just wants a hookup, despite this, it doesn’t hurt to ask a few more questions to make sure.
What point are we at?
This question is best asked when you have been staying for a while. It can be good to define if you are both at the same point, ask where this leads and where each of you see yourself.
What do you want with me?
This question is perhaps the most direct of all, yet it is very informative. You may get answers like: I want to meet you but I don’t want to go so fast. These types of responses are logical, however, they can be specified by expressing what you are looking for; I also want to meet someone, and I understand that we cannot understand each other and therefore, we stop knowing each other… but now I don’t just want a joke.
Why did you download…?
If you met the person on a dating app, you can also ask them why they downloaded the app. Depending on the reason why the App was downloaded, it can give you many clues as to what intentions it may have with you.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Rodríguez Salazar, Tania, & Rodríguez Morales, Zeyda. (2016). Love and new technologies: Communication and conflict experiences. Communication and society, (25), 15-41.