The psychological implications that arise, for example, from a childhood marked by abandonment, are usually quite serious and often lead to an experience of trauma. However, the experience of abandonment can take various forms: the child who is abandoned by the mother in childhood, the death of a parent or partner, periods of stay in institutions, an alcoholic family member, discontinuity in parental care, threats of abandonment or even death, a childhood in almost total loneliness, a divorce, etc. These are just some examples of childhood emotional abandonment.
In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to address together the topic of emotional abandonmentto understand better what it is, its causes and symptoms to recognize it, but also some suggestions to see how to get over it.
What is emotional abandonment
The term abandonment does not just refer to a physical absence/experience. The most common form of abandonment, in fact, refers to the emotional absence of the primary attachment figure. However, this feeling of emptiness is ageless, precisely because any child can perceive it, any adult can be devastated.
Childhood emotional abandonment is not necessarily related to proximity: it can occur even when the other person is lying next to you, when you cannot connect with them and your emotional needs are not met in the relationship. Often people are not aware of their emotional needs and simply feel that something is missing; But human beings have many emotional needs in intimate relationships, and consequently, if there is a strong conflict, for example, abuse or infidelity, these needs will not be satisfied. Therefore, emotional abandonment is a subjective emotional state in which the person feels unloved, abandoned, insecure or discarded. Likewise, emotional abandonment can also occur in a couple.
People experiencing emotional abandonment may feel at loss, isolated from a crucial source of sustenance that has been withdrawn, either suddenly or through a process of erosion. Feeling rejected, which is a significant component of emotional abandonment, It has a biological impact, since it activates the physical centers of brain pain and can leave an emotional imprint on your alarm system.
Causes of emotional abandonment
The early childhood experiences they contribute to a greater extent to the development of abandonment problems throughout our lives. The traumatic event could include the loss of a parent through divorce or death or not receiving sufficient physical or emotional treatment as a child. Let’s look at some of the causes of childhood emotional abandonment related to parental behavior:
- Do not let children express themselves emotionally
- Ridicule your children
- Putting too much pressure on your children to be “perfect”
- Treat your children like your peers
Abandonment issues occur just when a caregiver fails to provide warm, caring, and consistent interaction, leaving room for chronic stress and fears. Even in a healthy, adult relationship there are periods, days, and even moments of emotional abandonment that may be intentional or unconscious. These can be caused by:
- The intentional withholding of communication or affection
- External stressors, including parental needs
- Disease
- Uneven work schedules
- Lack of mutual interest and time sharing
- Worry and egocentrism
- Lack of healthy communication
- Unresolved resentment
- Fear of intimacy
How to avoid the feeling of abandonment? To prevent abandoned child syndrome in adults, it is necessary for the child to have a reference figure who is available, firm and affectionate.
Symptoms of emotional abandonment
Individuals with abandonment issues may display a wide range of behaviors in their relationships. Some of the most common symptoms associated with emotional abandonment include:
- Participate in a series of superficial relationships: Your abandonment issues can lead you into many relationships on a superficial level and looking for excuses to leave before the other person abandons you.
- Sabotage healthy relationships: You may have a tendency to end things when you suspect that your partner may leave you; This can lead to various sabotaging behaviors, such as cheating or starting unnecessary conversations.
- A devastating fear of being alone: If you tend to stay in unhealthy relationships despite wanting to leave, you might fear being hurt more than you fear being hurt by the other person.
- Search for constant guarantees: You may have abandonment issues if you often pressure your partner or friends to make promises that you will never let go, or if you want to hear how much they love and appreciate you every day and get angry if they don’t.
- Obsessive behavior and jealousy: if you think your partner might leave you, or when you might harass and express your jealousy at the thought of being left for someone else. In this article we talk about.
How to overcome emotional abandonment
How to overcome abandonment syndrome? If your abandonment problems have damaged your relationships and made you feel even more vulnerable, it is time to take charge of your life and face the wounds of your childhood and adolescence with your head held high. Many people sometimes feel immovable and unworthy: don’t let this dictate the way you live your life. We will look at some simple tips to start dealing with emotional abandonment issues through self-compassion and care:
- Be kind to yourself. Many have that critical inner voice that tells us that we are terrible people; The sooner we learn to stop this voice and prevent it from dictating our behaviors, the better. Because it’s good to learn to see the positive traits in ourselves instead of focusing on our flaws.
- Practice awareness. To overcome the fear of abandonment, we can learn to be aware of our thoughts and feelings, nipping those petty thoughts in the bud, which will help us build a stronger emotional core without losing our sense of self.
- Remember that you are not the only one who has these painful thoughts and feelings.. Most people struggle with their own issues and if we can all come together to cultivate self-compassion and emotional strength, it would be much easier to live a life based on acceptance and love. Know that you are not alone in this: you are worthy of love and compassion, just like everyone else.
- You don’t have to heal your own emotional wounds alone.. In therapy, we will be able to explore the root cause of our fears and identify negative thought patterns, and an experienced therapist can help us replace them with healthy, more realistic thoughts. By working with them, we can and help avoid behaviors that hinder healthy relationships.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Brennan, D. (2020). Abandonment Issues: Symptoms and Signs. Retrieved from: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/abandonment-issues-symptoms-signs
- Glass, J. (2020). Abandonment Issues & Their Effect On Relationships. Retrieved from: https://www.lovetopivot.com/emotional-abandonment-affect-relationship-love-addiction/
- Lancer, D. (2016). What is Emotional Abandonment? Retrieved from: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-emotional-abandonment#1
- Vagnoni, F. (2020). Esistere oltre. Rome: Albatross.