Every event generates an emotion. We act based on how we feel and, at the same time, the actions we take make us feel a certain way. Emotions play a fundamental role in our behavior and in our life, that is why, in this Psychology-Online article, we are going to explain what it means to manage an emotion, what importance emotions have and how to learn the managing emotions through strategies, techniques and practical examples.
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Understand the influence of emotions in our lives
As we have just seen, emotions determine our behavior. We will act in one way or another depending on how we feel and this can help us or complicate things a lot for us. When the emotion is “positive”, our behavior tends to be “normal”, it can even help us act correctly in difficult situations. However, when the emotion is “negative” or unpleasant (fear, anger, shame…), it can play tricks on us and cause us to behave in a maladaptive or incoherent way.
For example: Imagine that you have to present a work in front of all your colleagues. You have been preparing it for weeks and you are happy with the result. The day of the presentation arrives and you have the third shift. As the second presentation ends, you begin to think that you are not going to remember everything and you feel afraid. This fear causes you to make mistakes during the presentation and you start to feel nervous. Because of the thoughts and emotions you feel, you are shaking, your mouth is dry, and your posture is rigid. As a result of the thoughts and emotions experienced, the presentation has been difficult for you, it has not gone smoothly and you feel disappointed and a little embarrassed.
As we see in this example, emotions, especially those considered negative, modify our usual behavior and can harm us in different areas of our life. Therefore, it is important to know how to manage emotions and thus preventing them from negatively interfering with our behavior, making us act in a non-adaptive way or generating negative secondary emotions. There are different emotional strategies that we will see below.
Accept that we have emotions
Before delving into the techniques for managing emotions, it is worth knowing that emotions are temporary states that we experience. They are normal and natural states that are considered adaptive and beneficial, since they offer us information that helps us understand situations and adapt to them.
Remember that repressing emotions or trying to ignore them does not work well in the long run because they reappear stronger.
Example: you are alone at home and you hear a noise, it is possible that you feel a little fear, which is what makes you question the origin of the sound and go check it. It is normal to feel that emotion and it is adaptive, since without fear, we would walk through ravines or along highways, compromising our safety and our lives.
However, it is true that emotions are sometimes very intense and can collapse us. Therefore, it is important to regulate them.
Example: Feeling some fear on the plane is adaptive, because it is what motivates you to follow safety instructions. However, being too afraid to avoid getting on a plane can make it difficult for you to travel for work. Likewise, feeling anger can help you act in the face of injustice, while uncontrolled anger can cause harm to oneself or others. Next, we will see how to learn to control emotions and feelings.
Identify emotion in the body
The first step to learning to control emotions is to know identify and understand our emotions. To learn to manage them it is necessary to pay attention to them, feel them and check what they give us and how we feel. Next, we will see how to manage emotions step by step:
Choose one of the emotions that you want to control or manage.
- Turn to thoughts Let them provoke that emotion in you until the emotion invades you.
- Listen to your body: Focus on everything that happens in you, what changes you notice in your body, in your mind, what conduct or behavior it leads you to, what you feel like doing when you feel like this.
- Remember situations in which you have acted in a way you don’t like because of that emotion. Accept it and you will have taken the first step to change it. Think about how you react by letting yourself be carried away by negative emotions and then think how you want to act.
- You already know the emotion, how it acts on you and you are taking away its power. From now on when you feel that emotion, you will remember what you have learned and choose consciously or unconsciously don’t get carried away by her.
Learn relaxation techniques
When an unwanted emotion appears, our body activates. Learning and practicing it for a while until we learn to relax in a matter of minutes will allow us reduce that physiological activation generated by emotion. Once the “alarm state” is deactivated, we will be able to think clearly and avoid unwanted behaviors caused by our activation state.
Example: You go with your son to buy tickets to a theater and the line at the box office seems endless. You see how several people sneak in and that makes you angry. You notice how your pulse accelerates and your first reaction is to go yell at the people who have sneaked in, but you know that it is not appropriate behavior, especially with your child in front of you, so you concentrate on relaxing and you achieve it in a few minutes. minutes. Once calm, you can approach the group and calmly solve the situation.
Apply thought stopping
With emotions, as with recurring thoughts, we can use the thought stopping technique. In this psychological technique we do not try to ignore what is happening, but rather consciously, when a “negative” thought or emotion appears, we stop it. We can use the word: stop, halt or any other word of your choice. When the emotion appears, we will say the word and we will choose to relativize that emotion and not let it invade us.
Example: you have to leave for the airport to catch a plane and you can’t find your boarding passes. You look around for places where you could have put them, but they don’t appear anywhere. Frustration invades you and you keep thinking that you are going to be late and you are going to miss the flight. All those thoughts do not allow you to think clearly and you use the thought-stopping technique. High! The thoughts that cause your nerves are there, you notice them and you have stopped them, so they begin to lose power and your mind begins to clear. Now you can think calmly and you finally remember that you had your boarding passes inside your suitcase so you wouldn’t forget them.
Train yourself in self-instructions
They are one of the psychological strategies that can help us in moments when a negative emotion attacks us, but for this we must prepare and practice them. Self-instructions must be formulated affirmatively, be credible, short, and have language like the one we normally use for this emotional management strategy to be effective.
- Incorrect: You’re not going to be able to handle me, this is not going to affect me, I’m not getting carried away…
- Correct: I’m going to be able to handle you, I’m calm, I feel strong, I’m in control…
Example: Let’s go back to the public speaking example. We feel nervous and afraid. So, we remember the affirmations we prepared and tell ourselves: I feel safe, I have control of my body and my mind, I can do it, everything is going well, I am prepared… These positive messages provide us with security and help with the physiological deactivation caused by .
Restructure beliefs
Another emotion management strategy that gives very good, and above all long-lasting, results is the . It is based on the fact that an action or event (A) activates our thoughts or beliefs (B) that give rise to our emotions or behaviors (C). Therefore, by changing our thoughts or beliefs to more rational or real ones, we manage to modify our emotions or behaviors.
An example of emotional management through changing thoughts is as follows:
When faced with an event (A), my friend has lied to me, there may be two options:
- Irrational thought (B): no one has to lie to me, lying is wrong and anyone who lies is a bad person, I don’t deserve this and my friend should be punished. This thought leads to the emotion or behavior (C): I am angry, I feel anger, rage.
- Rational thinking (B): people make mistakes, judging someone based on a specific fact is not correct. This way of thinking carries the emotion or behavior (C): I feel upset, but I know it will pass and I understand that sometimes things happen that we don’t like and that no one is perfect.
With the help of a professional, you will learn the most frequent actions and automate this emotional and cognitive strategy.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Barragán, A. (2016) How to control any emotion step by step. amazon
- Ellis, A. (2007). Control her anger before she controls you. Barcelona: Paidós.
- Rock, E. (2003). How to improve your social skills. Valencia: ACDE Editions.