More and more parents are separating. Surely, if we look around us, we will see many divorced or separated people, if we look at our children’s classmates, it is likely that many of them are children of separated or divorced parents. But what consequences can this situation have for our children? What do children of separated parents think? How is your behavior? Does it affect your school performance? Are children of separated parents happy? If you want to know, do not hesitate to continue reading this Psychology-Online article: children of separated parents: does it have consequences?
Children of separated parents and their consequences
The process of adaptation to the new situation is the main consequence of a divorce or separation for children. People, both parents and children, are not always prepared to face all the changes. If a certain change, such as marital separation, is difficult for parents, it can also be difficult for children. a stressful process and difficult to adapt. The separation of parents can be a difficult adaptation situation for children when they have not been prepared prior to the event.
Furthermore, it should be noted that children easily perceive the concerns and moods of their parents, so it is important that, during the separation process, parents try to transmit messages of security, tranquility and pacifism to their children. .
Although children of separated parents may grow up happily, the first moments during and after the separation can be complicated, especially depending on the severity of the situation and the relationship between the parents. Below we present the consequences of divorce on children more common.
Children of separated parents: behavior and emotions
The first and most common consequences of divorce on children is emotional imbalanceThis emotional imbalance can cause children to not reflect happiness, therefore, it is important to attend to a series of risk factors that increase the chances of presenting an emotional imbalance:
- Severity of parental conflict: For example, arguing and attacking one another verbally and/or physically in front of one’s children can be an aggravating risk factor for emotional maladjustment.
- Compliance with the visiting regime agreed upon in the trial: this factor refers to compliance with the visits that each parent has established to be with the children.
- The parent who has custody of the children: custody is normally the mother’s, but if the children have a greater affinity with the father, it can aggravate the risk of emotional maladjustment.
- Economic pension: Usually one of the parents must satisfy the other through a financial pension to be able to cover the needs of the children. When this pension is not paid it can generate an imbalance in the coverage of needs, a fact that leads the children to an unexpected change. Therefore, in general, the changes that occur after a separation are recommended to be as minimal as possible, since children have the same needs before and after the separation.
- Time: Another risk factor to take into account is the time that has passed since the breakup until the current moment. The more time that has passed does not mean that the problems have been resolved, but it is true that, in general, the situation will seem calmer and the children will be more adapted to it.
- Separation of siblings: In a separation it is not advisable to also separate the siblings, that is, one of the siblings with one parent and the other sibling with the other parent. In the event of separation between siblings, the possibility of emotional, psychological and behavioral imbalance and instability increases.
- Time period before separation: This risk factor refers to the tense situation that usually occurs before separation (arguments, aggression, hostility, conflict…). In these cases it is important to take into account both the level of severity and its duration.
- Characteristics of the children: for example, intolerance of frustration, difficulties in managing stress, intolerance of change, adaptation difficulties, temperament, etc.
Consequences of divorce on children by age
Children’s adaptation to change depends largely on their age. The emotional imbalance in children, as a consequence of parental divorce, will show differently depending on the age of the children. In younger children, behavioral imbalances (regressions, sleep and eating problems…), however, in older people, they are usually detected imbalances in social skills (self-blame, parental betrayal, shame…).
Children of separated parents: new couple?
The fact of having to adapt to the parents’ new partners, whether cohabiting or not, can constitute an added difficulty and, therefore, a risk factor.
Academic performance
According to various studies, it is considered that one of the possible consequences of divorce on children is a decreased academic performance. It is observed that the decrease in academic performance in children of divorced parents does not last forever, but is present during the breakup process and persists up to approximately a year later.
Thus, during this period of time, it is usually observed, on the one hand, that younger children usually present school difficulties and performance difficulties. On the other hand, older children tend to practice more truancy, lower academic performance, less motivation and few aspirations in relation to the educational world. Furthermore, some studies highlight that children of separated parents are more likely to fail to obtain a university degree or complete compulsory secondary education, that is, a greater probability of .
Are children of separated parents happy?
Although it is true that each situation is different, depending on each family and the characteristics of the divorce process, there may be some consequences or others, but, in general, as parents we tend to worry about the consequences that all this can entail for our children. children. Therefore, most parents They often wonder if children of separated parents are happysince they are concerned about their children’s happiness during the breakup process and after it.
Parental divorce is not something fun or pleasant for children, but that does not mean they stop being happy. Children’s happiness does not depend on the structure of their family, whether single-parent, homo-parent, reconstituted, etc. In the following article you will find the.
The happiness of children depends to a greater extent on the covering their needs and emotional relationships. In other words, if children, despite the separation of their parents, continue to receive affection from their parents and, in addition, they cover their needs for both protection and affection, the children will continue to be just as happy as they were. They were before the separation.
Furthermore, it should be noted that children are also capable of perceiving the happiness of their parents after a separation, since the parents no longer have to live together in the same home maintaining an unhealthy relationship. Therefore, separation or divorce can be understood as an event that leads to positive change and an opportunity for improvementthus promoting better relationships between parents and children.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
Cantón, J., Cortés, MR, and Justicia, MD (2002). The consequences of divorce on children. Clinical, Legal and Forensic Psychopathology, 2(3), 47-66.
Novo, M., Arce, R., and Rodríguez, MJ (2003). Marital separation: consequences and post-divorce reactions of children. Galician-Portuguese Journal of Psychology and Education, 10(8), 197-204.