If your partner tells you that you are a bad person, it is natural that you will be confused and wonder why. This cannot be the normal tone of a relationship. If so, there may be several reasons. We will tell you about them below.
Is upset or frustrated with you
When someone gets angry, it is often because you feel you have been treated unfairly or that has been provoked in some way. If your partner tells you that you are a bad person, it is possible that they are angry with you for some comment or behavior of yours that has bothered them.
Sometimes, out of anger and rage, a person says things that they don’t really mean and that can be offensive or hurtful. However, the insults and accusations They are not justified because they are ways of speaking that intentionally seek to hurt or offend.
Although someone may feel angry or frustrated at any given moment, it is important to treat others with respect and consideration, even when we disagree with them or when things are not going as we expected. Insults do not solve problems and can damage relationships and trust.
You have insecurities or emotional problems
Accusing a partner of being a bad person can be related to feelings of insecurity in a relationship. When your partner tells you that you are a bad person, they may believe that you did something wrong, or they may even know that you didn’t, but they still accuse you of it.
A possible reason that would explain this behavior is that your partner has an explosive character and/or emotional problems. It may be selfishness, narcissism, low emotional intelligence, explosive temperament or reduced social skills, among other factors.
If you have not done anything that serious but your partner insists on saying that you are a bad person, this accusation is based on their belief system and not so much on your behavior. The false accusations They could indicate that the accuser has difficulty trusting others or has had the experience of being betrayed in the past.
Misunderstand what you say
People can interpret the behavior of others and attribute inaccurate meanings that do not fully correspond to reality. Therefore, if your partner does not know or does not understand the context in which you are immersed, he or she may interpret what you say in the wrong way.
For example, they may interpret that you are a bad person because you have not shown interest and concern for the health status of a family member of theirs, however, is not taking into account your own circumstances. Perhaps you have been careless because you are going through a period of stress and pressure at work.
So, if your partner makes you feel bad, they may be interpreting your behavior in the wrong way, due to misunderstandings, lack of information, their prejudices or biases, past experiences, etc.
He wants you to think like him or her
In a relationship it is almost inevitable that some word or behavior can upset the couple. It is human to make mistakes and make mistakes, however, when every mistake you make becomes a pejorative way of defining yourself, it is normal that you do not feel valued.
If your partner tells you that you are a bad person frequently and tries to manipulate or control you with his wordsyou are probably facing a dynamic that is harmful to the relationship.
In these cases, your partner may make you feel bad because they don’t like your way of life and try to get you to act in a different way more similar to them by saying things like “if I feel that way it’s because you’re a bad person.” Instead of admitting it, expressing his feelings, and making an assertive request, he projects the blame onto you.
He feels guilty
When your partner tells you that you are a bad person, it may be because they feel guilty and project that feeling onto you. This kind of “transfer” of feelings is a psychological process in which your partner tand imposes his guilt or insecurity. An example would be a cheating partner who constantly accuses you of flirting or dating other people.
So, a possible explanation for why your partner tells you that you are a bad person is that internally they feel like a bad person themselves. It’s about a common, universal and unconscious defense mechanismHowever, when not aware of it and used to the extreme, it can cloud judgment.
Additionally, the couple may feel punished and frustrated by the constant and unsubstantiated accusations. In the long run, if a person is shamed or rejected, he may stop expressing himself and distance himself from his partner. This may corroborate the initial version of someone who accuses their partner of being a “bad person.” To prevent that from happening, we recommend reading this article about .
However, it is important to remember that not all people who say their partners are bad people are projecting their guilt. Each situation must be analyzed specifically, since it contains a multitude of aspects and nuances that cannot be covered in a general rule.
The best way to know if your partner speaks badly of you is ask him directly. Even so, if circumstances arise that prevent good communication at this time, be alert if any of the following attitudes occur:
- Judges you without trying to understand you: This is a fairly common situation. Sometimes your partner may judge you and tell you that “you’re too insensitive,” “you don’t care at all,” or “you’re only thinking about yourself.” When your partner reduces your experience to a label and makes snap judgments about what you say or do without asking or trying to understand your position, it is a bad sign.
- Speaks badly about you in public: If your partner is kind and respectful to you in public, he or she will be less likely to badmouth you behind your back. However, if the opposite situation occurs, there is a good chance that he/she is not being honest with you.
- Use sarcasm and irony to cover up criticism: Does your partner make comments and jokes that are hurtful to you? Do you use sarcasm in a veiled way so as not to openly communicate what bothers you? Does he make tasteless jokes that put you down but tells you “it’s no big deal”? Using irony and contempt to undermine your dignity is not acceptable in any case. If your partner ridicules or criticizes you and then minimizes how you feel, it’s a red flag that things are not going well.
- You feel like he’s hiding something from you: If you feel like something is wrong in your relationship, your intuition may be trying to tell you something. Nature is very wise and bodily sensations sometimes warn us that we need to pay attention to something before logic comes into play. If you are worried or doubt that your partner is talking badly about you, it is important that you address the problem so that it does not fester and continue. This article will help you.
It is important to address relationship problems to prevent them from becoming bigger obstacles in the relationship. If your partner makes you feel bad because he or she tells you that you are a bad person, these tips can be very helpful in handling the situation.
1. Ask him what he means by being a “bad person”
If your partner tells you that you are a bad person, it is important that you understand what she means by “bad person” and that you ask yourself what behaviors of yours have led her to use this expression. It is a totally subjective assessmentsince what some people define as “bad” may be acceptable to others.
The concepts of “good” and “evil” are like opposite poles, since they depend on a multitude of factors and can change over time. Generally, they are associated with individual morality, religion, cultural context, personal experiences and even ideology.
2. Listen to your partner if they need it
If your partner tells you that you are a bad person, it is certain that he or she feels uncomfortable for some reason. You may feel angry at something which in his opinion is not acceptable. Although this does not justify that it is appropriate to accuse or define you in this way, it helps to understand why he acts this way.
In this sense, irritated people need to feel heard, so it is very possible that if your partner has told you that you are a bad person, it is because She is wounded and wants your attention. For example, if your partner tells you that you are a bad person because he suspects that you are being unfaithful, it is very likely that he is suffering and needs empathy for his pain. Although his conclusion is not certain, his discomfort has a cause and an explanation that is important for you to listen to.
An effective way to address this situation may be to say the following: “I’m worried that you’re going to tell me that I’m a bad person. I’m not and I wonder what has happened to make you express yourself like this and if there is something you need to feel better in the relationship. Listen carefully and show empathy for their concerns. In this article you will see.
In addition, it is also important that you make clear the discomfort that it generates for you when someone defines you as a bad person and set limits so that these types of accusations do not happen again. Remember that communication is the backbone of any relationship.
3. Take responsibility and try to repair the damage
Like most people, you’ve probably done some things considered good, some things considered bad, and many others somewhere in between. This doesn’t define you as a good or bad person, so neither you nor your partner should fall into this type of simplification of reality. In fact, asking yourself if you are a good or bad person is already an indication that you have a certain degree of empathy.
It is almost inevitable to make mistakes, however, if managed properly, conflict can be an opportunity to reconnect with your partner. To repair this situation, you must take responsibility for what happened and recognize your part in it. Offer a sincere apology and validate the emotions your partner may have experienced. Be open to their needs and don’t hesitate to share yours as well.
Empathy, gratitude and are values that must be present in any relationship. If you have acted in any way that could have hurt the person you love, try to ensure that your future actions and interactions with them are guided by these values.
4. Respond to a false accusation
It is essential to be honest with yourself and with your partner. Possibly saying that someone is a bad person is not the most appropriate expression. However, if you have not acted in the best way, even partially, your partner may have reason to be upset. In the previous point we have explained how to take responsibility and try to repair it.
On the contrary, if you have not acted in a reprehensible manner, but your partner claims that you have bad intentions and even accuses you of false behavior and actions, you have to respond. It is crucial to muster the courage to clarify what happened and make it clear that you are not going to accept that he accuses you of something you haven’t done, or of being in a way that doesn’t define you.
Explain in detail how it affects you when your partner tells you that you are a bad person. Be specific about what you want and expect and about the comments and attitudes that don’t…