There is a message that makes parents uncomfortable during their children’s childhood, that moment when in a moment of frustration or as a result of a tantrum, your child expresses his anger through very hurtful words. “I hate you” or “I don’t love you anymore” are some of the most common messages in these circumstances. When listening to this message from their own perspective, these are words that cause a lot of pain to parents, however, many times children do not want to express what the words say literally, but it is simply their way of showing their anger at something. norm that they dislike.
what do in this situation? In this Psychology-Online article we guide you so that you know what to do if your child tells you he hates you.
Accept your feelings
Another important point to keep in mind if your child tells you that he/she hates you is understand the reason for your anger. This does not mean that you have to give in to grant him his whim, but it is positive that you observe your own anger as a natural reaction of the child when he feels that an external limit breaks his illusions.
Likewise, try to have and validate their emotions to understand that what may not be so important to you from an adult perspective is important to your child. Remembering the anecdotes that your parents have told you about your childhood reactions will help you have empathy with your child.
Don’t take his words literally
If your child tells you he hates you, don’t take it personally. It is very likely that your son loves you, but he is simply upset with you and he expresses it this way.
Likewise, if it is a small boy or girl, it is likely that at this stage they still do not have the language and resources necessary to explain to you how they feel. For this same reason, Try not to take these words personally..
Be patient
It is likely that in a few minutes your child will have calmed down and his/her mood towards you will have changed. If it is a tantrum and not a consequence of a more serious unresolved problem, then this type of anger has a short and temporary period.
Thus, try to be patient and stay calm so as not to worsen the situation with hurtful words that could upset him/her even more.
Rationalize the reason for the child’s reaction
Although these words hurt your emotions, in reality your child expresses this message to show his anger when you set a limit with which he does not agree, so don’t ask him why he tells you he hates you at the same moment he feels anger. She waits for him to calm down to talk to him.
Try to analyze the cause
Generally, the child expresses this message when he feels hurt for some reason, so in these cases you can help you name your emotions. For example, you can say, “I understand that this has upset you and that you are angry.”
That is, through dialogue and open communication you can help them identify their feelings. Ask him if there is something in particular that is bothering him and try to understand their perspective.
Tell him you love him
Regardless of what has happened, reinforce your child with positive messages of affection. Your response is the demonstration of unconditional love towards him.
If necessary, we will tell you in the following article.
Give him space
Sometimes teens may need time and space to process their emotions, so don’t push too hard if you feel like they’re not ready to talk right now. On the contrary, if your son tells you that he hates you let him know you will be there when he is ready to talk.
Seek help
Finally, if you notice that negative feelings persist or seem to be deeper, consider seek the help of a family therapist or counselor. A professional can provide strategies to improve communication and resolve underlying issues between you and your child.
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How to educate emotions in children
You have a main role in your child’s education, for this reason, you can help him express his emotions. How to facilitate this learning?
- Ask the child questions: Integrate emotional vocabulary into your conversations with your child. For example, you can ask him how he felt at school today. Apply this question to different situations in your routine at different times.
- educational films: a good proposal is the movie “Del Revés” (Inside Out), this Pixar animated film describes through its protagonist Riley the reason why sadness and joy are natural feelings in life.
- When the child cries, don’t tell him not to.: In this way, the child does not grow up with the idea that he must repress some emotions, but can express them naturally.
- Educate by example: How can you do it? For example, don’t focus family conversations on negative aspects of work and routine problems. It is important that you adopt a language of optimism and gratitude towards life through concrete examples, since the child needs them to understand the specific message.
- Play with your children: Through shared playtime, parents and children create an emotional bond of trust with pleasant anecdotes. Furthermore, the game is a didactic space to express emotions and feelings in a space of enjoyment.
- Stories are instructive for children: Discuss the story with your child. You can ask him, how do you think this character has felt at this moment?
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.