The shame of others It is a feeling that is born from social intelligence based on empathy. That is, the human being has the ability to put himself in the place of another or to project himself into possible future situations similar to those he observes in other people. In this way, the feeling of ridicule can not only be suffered from one’s own fact, but also in terms of otherness (from the interpretation of how I would feel if I were in that place). Why do we feel ashamed of others? At Psychology-Online we answer this question.
The feeling of shame is very conditioned by one’s own perception and personal point of view of the subject. When you feel other people’s shame for a situation that you experience as if it were your own, you are not so much conditioned by that objective fact observable in itself, but by your own beliefs and previous experiences. That is to say, you project your own fear of ridicule in a situation in which you think you would feel that way if you were the protagonist of that scene you are watching. However, in many moments you will be able to observe how freedom also manifests itself at this point when, upon feeling the shame of others, you observe that person who is free and self-confident, without letting himself be conditioned by what others think.
Your mind receives constant stimuli from the practical experiences of living. In this way, when you observe a scene that generates this feeling of shame in you, it can come back to you. emotions related to similar situations from the past that have conditioned you in the first person. That is, you establish an association of ideas between what you are seeing and your own life. Sometimes this feeling also arises from social learning.
Through the experience of another’s shame, the person also establishes the conclusion that they want to differentiate themselves from that someone based on what the other does and oneself would avoid. However, the interpretation of reality is not innate but arises from specific filters, for example, social norms, education and cultural patterns.
The smaller a person’s life comfort zone is, the greater the chance of suffering this feeling on a recurring basis. On the contrary, those who have greater open-mindedness are less vulnerable to this conditioning. Human beings are different, but also, we have common points. It is this common nature that establishes the starting point towards the comparison of interpersonal realities.
In this other Psychology-Online article we discover you.
Why do we feel embarrassed when we are around people we love? There is a situation in which the shame of others is especially uncomfortable for you. For example, when it is someone from your group of friends or family who says something that seems out of place. And, then, you are worried that the image that the person who is with you may produce could affect yourself.
This circumstance is relatively common when you are very concerned about wanting to create a good image at a moment that is significant for you and this desire to have everything under control makes any gesture of spontaneity that breaks with the criteria of what would be logical for you especially uncomfortable for you.
How do you find your own? Try to reflect on your level of security when you experience a moment of these characteristics since this may be a symptom that you need to love yourself a little more and not give so much importance to other people’s criteria. Instead of interpreting this situation from the other person’s perspective, try to draw a personal conclusion about what this feeling can say about yourself.
If this feeling conditions you recurrently, how can you overcome it?
- Each person is unique and unrepeatable in the literal sense of the expression. Therefore, try to observe those situations in others that cause you some type of embarrassment. without making so many value judgments negatives. Sometimes, it may happen that there is some information that you do not know about that situation that does not allow you to understand it in its entirety.
- At the same time, try to learn from those situations to put the sense of humor into practice by training the comic side of reality. Life also has its share of comedy. If you do the exercise of discussing any of these situations with those closest to you, you will realize that there is no single possible interpretation of that external fact. Where you feel embarrassed, other people will observe a funny situation.
- theater classes. The experience of different interpretation techniques is therapeutic to improve emotional management and experience different situations from a greater emotional distance based on the opportunity to interpret a character. Theater classes for amateurs are pedagogical on a vital level.
- Don’t let the fear of ridicule be a brake constant in your life because, then, you are going to stop doing many things that are important to you due to the mere possibility of experiencing a circumstance of this type. In this other article we help you learn how to.
Why do we feel ashamed of others? Because we are human, emotional and social.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.