Affection in a couple is considered by Rivera, Díaz and Flores (1986) or Medina, López and Valdovinos (2005) among others, as one of the most important social and affective characteristics that, in both men and women, that we seek to find in the other. Whether to maintain a stable and formal closed relationship, or in colleagues with a more open or unrestricted relationship.
That is why the vast majority, at the beginning of relationships, are more affectionate. As the relationship progresses, it may happen that one or both of the couple stop being affectionate, a reason that generates great concern on the part of the couple that has this perception. If you want to know the answer to your question “Why my partner is not affectionate and what to do“?”, don’t hesitate, keep reading! In this Psychology-Online article we explain it to you.
If you have thoughts like “I need more affection from my partner” or “my partner doesn’t have details with me” pay attention to the following identifying signs of when your partner is not affectionate:
- He doesn’t hug you, or he doesn’t hug you as much as you would like.
- He doesn’t kiss you, or he doesn’t kiss you as much as you would like.
- She appears cold and distant.
- He doesn’t give you pets, or not as many as you would like.
- He doesn’t show you affection in public.
- He doesn’t express himself verbally or compliment you.
- You see that when he shows affection he does it as an obligation and not because it comes out of it.
Some of the main causes that can make our partner not be affectionate from the beginning of the relationship or stop being affectionate at a specific point, could be the following:
Experiences proasted
Either because you have had negative experiences in other relationships where being affectionate has taken its toll, or because you are “tired” of showing that side of yourself only to have them “hurt you or break your heart.” We can even find that the cause is the family relationship and the one you had in childhood with your parents or the reference adult.
Cultural differences
It is important to keep in mind that each culture has its own ways. different from showing affection by the other person. In Latin American countries or in some Hispanic countries in southern Europe, people are much more likely to show affection explicitly both through words and through gestures and caresses.
However, in other countries, for example, those in northern Europe, physical contact to show affection is not so common. We can also see variations, in addition to the differences between countries, depending on the religion in which they were raised We can see that there are women and men who are not very affectionate, the ways of showing affection being different in the Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu or Buddhist religion.
Communication difficulties
It may be that their way of showing affection is totally different from yours and that you should look for that common language in your partner where each one can show the love or affection they have for you in their own way, but at the same time, you both feel that you are receiving it.
“Soothsayer’s Fallacy”
It happens as a couple and it happens in other types of relationships. There is a tendency to think that the other person must know what and how we want things without explaining anything beforehand and that is not possible. We must always try to keep in mind that what we do not say or explain, the other person does not have to be knowledgeable about our needs or ideas.
In this case, our post can be of great help to you.
Lack of self-esteem and insecurity in the couple
That you think that your partner does not show you affection as you would like may be a sign that you need his or her approval to be sure that he or she has that affection for you. If you need to work on yourself to improve your relationship, perhaps our article will help you.
Lack of time and stress
Sometimes we have many other things in mind besides our partner that make it difficult to really dedicate all the time we need, we feel stressed and have to pay attention to dedicating time and showing affection to another person takes a backseat.