For some reason yours ended: he left you, you left him, a deception, an imposed distance, a mutual agreement, etc. You start to ignore him, to forget, to get over him… And for some reason, he comes back. Pride? Jealousy? Has he been robbed of the position of being the center of your life and he doesn’t like it? Possessiveness? Unsafety? Fear? Why do men come back according to psychology? Discover some of the reasons in this Psychology-Online article.
Why men come back when you start ignoring them
Let’s say you ignore him, but you really want him to come back. In this situation, what is commonly called “reverse psychology” plays a fundamental role. It is assumed that until you ignore him, he assumes that he still has you, that you would listen to him if he decided to return to you and that, therefore, he has the freedom to decide or not to return to you: he is in the position of power.
Once you start ignoring him, he feels that freedom is threatened., losing the position of power and finding yourself in an uncomfortable position that will motivate you to reestablish that freedom. And the way to do it is to act contrary to how you are acting. That is, you ignore him, implying that you no longer want to know anything about him and that you even prefer that he leave you alone. And he comes for you, doing the opposite of leaving you alone to feel that he does not lose you, that he does not lose that freedom that would allow him to return to you, that he does not lose the position of power. Even though now he is exactly where you wanted him from the beginning and his freedom and power are a mere illusion.
Why men come back when you move on from them
In this situation, the reason why men come back when you pass them may be similar to the one explained in the previous section, even if your intention is not to pass them on purpose so that they come back.
Another reason to consider is the loss aversion theory of Amos Tversky and Daniel Kanheman, which states that the rejection of the possibility of losing It is far superior to the desire to win. Although they postulated it in relation to monetary matters, we can establish an analogy adapted to love affairs. And how does this translate to relationships? As we explained in the previous section, when you start ignoring or moving on from the person who was with you, the security that took for granted that you would always be there falls apart. And the that person’s fear of losing you wakes up, together with the natural aversion to that loss. Therefore, in the face of uncertainty, the best option to avoid loss is: return to you.
Why men come back when you are forgetting them
Without ceasing to keep in mind the previous reasons, which are also valid, let’s see why men come back when you are forgetting them. Forgetting about someone is something much more serious than simply ignoring them or moving on from them. Forgetting him is something that is not done on purpose, nor overnight, but rather it is something gradual, natural. And it shows much more, it feels much more. Forgetting him means surpassing him. And all the fears and insecurities mentioned above are magnified and take on another meaning, much more genuine, much deeper.
Now it’s a fear of truly losing you in his life., losing you and everything you mean to him, when he really isn’t over you yet. Fear of never finding someone who loves him like you again. Fear of not finding someone like you. . And he comes back.
Why men go back to their exes
The fact that you don’t realize what you had until you lose it, can’t be more appropriate. In this situation he has already lost you. And by doing so, and being without you, he realizes all the little things that he didn’t value before, that he didn’t even know he had or that you provided him. And he starts to miss them, to miss you. Reviewing everything he did wrong, everything that went wrong. She realizes that it is not so easy to love someone that way, nor for someone to love you that way. She realizes all the good things you had. After a breakup, for a while, it is very common to remember only the good moments, causing nostalgia and longing to grow, feelings that can easily be confused with love.
So why does a man come back?
- Because he hasn’t been able to forget you
- Because he hopes for a second chance
- He may have realized that he still loves you
- I may be confusing love with nostalgia.
In any case, the decision to return or not is yours, and you should base it on what you feel.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- MacDonald, G., Nail, P.R., & Harper, JR (2011). Do people use reverse psychology? An exploration of strategic self-anticonformity. Social Influence, 6(1), 1–14.