In recent times, with the pandemic and confinement, we have spent a lot of time alone or with the people we live with and our social life has been reduced. This has caused many people, today, to not feel like meeting up with their friends or their partner as much. They have become more solitary. Maybe it has happened to you or maybe it happened to you before and you felt that you don’t fit in anywhere or that some behaviors of others always irritate you and that you are more comfortable at home reading a book, playing a video game or watching something. movie. Even seeing a lot of people together may overwhelm you and you may prefer to meet people individually rather than meet in large groups. What does it mean in psychology to not tolerate people? To what extent is it normal to isolate yourself? What to do when you don’t want to interact with anyone?
Keep reading Psychology-Online to discover the differences between being asocial and antisocial, why can’t you stand people and the solutions that you can put into motion.
Differences between being antisocial and being asocial
Surely, if you are usually alone and do not like to spend a lot of time with other people, you have been called antisocial. However, this term is not appropriate.
Antisocial, or , is a psychological disorder in which the individual goes against society. For it, hurts to objects, animals or people. Thieves, arsonists, violent people would enter this group…
On the other hand, we find the asocial people. They are those that they prefer solitude to the company. In this case, the intention is not to harm society, but neither does one want to be part of it and integrate. In this article you can see.
If we notice, the difference between both terms lies in the prefix, anti- being the equivalent of “going against something”, and a- being the equivalent of “without”.
Why can’t you stand people?
Why do I isolate myself so much from people? How does psychology explain that I can’t stand anyone and that I’m not interested in anyone? There are multiple causes that can explain your asocial behavior. The most general are:
Temper
First of all, we would find biology, that is, it is your way of being from birth, in the same way that you are dark, blonde or redheaded.
Personality
On the other hand we would have environmental causes. Within these we would find two main types:
- The way your parents raised you. The first is the most difficult to detect. It would be about attachment relationships. If we have been neglected since our childhood, for example, we have created an avoidant attachment in which we do not dare to strengthen ties for fear of being hurt, although many times this fear is unconscious.
- Possible traumas or shocking life experiences. The second is the easiest to detect: if a person has suffered bullying throughout their childhood or has lived through constant moves and has never been able to maintain stable friendships, it is likely that it will be more difficult for them to do so in the future.
Rigidity and frustration
Another possible cause that would be halfway between the two groups we just mentioned is our irrational ideas. Depending on our parents’ parenting style and our subsequent life experiences, we can generate an erroneous idea of the world. It is very common that We believe that others should feel and behave the way we do., without stopping to think that each person has their own way of being. That’s why we generate expectations that are never met, so you end up thinking that your partner doesn’t love you because he doesn’t like writing letters, or that you can’t stand certain people because they are very scandalous.
Physical or psychological discomfort
When you don’t feel well, whether because something hurts or because you have anxiety, for example, you are much more irritable. You will have noticed that in periods of stress, you are more sensitive and susceptible, that you get angry more easily and that you are more irritable. If this lasts over time, it may be due to one or the other. When everything bothers you and you can’t stand people, if you feel like you can’t stand anyone and that you can’t even stand yourself, check your stress levels.
Shyness or poor social skills
Being shy or not having enough skills to function correctly in social situations can also lead you to not want to talk to anyone and not want to interact with people. Above all, if you have a passive communication style, you are likely toand you are not able to express your opinions and your desires and that you end up doing what others want. As a consequence, we have discomfort and frustration that cause the irritability and lack of interest in social relationships.
What can you do?
What can you do about the irritability and lack of interest that people cause you? Depending on the cause we would obtain the solution. Although the biological part seems impossible to solve, we must know that with some effort we can alleviate it. That is, you will still have a base in which you are a person who does not like crowds, but you can learn to be a little more social.
- Identify fears. Regarding your attachment, it is surely an avoidant attachment. This attachment, as we have mentioned, is due to a fear of being hurt. It is important to realize that the problems you put on others are barriers that prevent you from being vulnerable.
- Have more flexibility. We all have flaws and we cannot be left alone because we cannot find the perfect person. This is linked to the expectations discussed in the previous section. All of this is a set of irrational ideas that we must try to change.
- Listen to the thoughts. To do this, first write down all these thoughts that you notice: “they are going to hurt me”, “I can’t stand people who sit this way”, “I don’t want noisy people in my life”…
- change thoughts. Try to turn them around: “they don’t have to hurt me so I’m going to enjoy the moment and if they hurt me later I’ll worry”, “I don’t like how it feels but it always makes me laugh so I’m going to give it a chance” , “they don’t make that much noise, the only thing is that in my house I was never allowed to make any kind of noise when I was little and now I think everything else is noisy.”
- Manage stress. As we have seen, stress and frustration can be a cause of you not tolerating anything and not supporting anyone. Therefore, it is recommended that you learn some.
- Learn social skills. Learning assertiveness is vital to building healthy relationships in which you can be yourself and express your opinion, your preferences… Discover
Lastly, if any trauma such as bullying or any type of public humiliation has occurred to you, you should contact in the hands of a professional to be able to work on said trauma by exposing it, in order to overcome said fear.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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