It is said that we do not choose who we fall in love with. That love is something you can’t control and that sometimes you like someone and you don’t really know why. In cases where two people are attracted to and like each other, the love is reciprocated, or at least there is a mutual interest in getting to know each other. Unfortunately, this does not always happen.
There are times when you can go crazy for a person and they don’t feel the same, or with the same intensity that you feel. We find ourselves facing unrequited love, a situation that is not easy to face. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article, we will talk to you about what is unrequited lovethe phases that a person experiences with unrequited love and how to overcome it.
Meaning of unrequited love
Unrequited love is a feeling of romantic love from one person towards another, but that feeling is not reciprocated. In these situations, the individual experiences what it is like love someone who doesn’t feel the same for him or her. This type of love can become obsessive as you don’t want to let go of that person you have idealized so much. This is due to the emotional dependence that develops in these situations towards the loved one. Obsession causes the infinite desire for the other person to love them, although they know that deep down that is not the case.
Phases of unrequited love
Unrequited love is not born overnight nor does it disappear just like that. Next, we will see the phases of unrequited love:
- Idealization: At this moment you are not yet aware that the other person does not have the same feelings. There is hope that at the beginning of the love story everything will go smoothly, although deep down you feel that something is not going well. The other person is so idealized that it is very difficult to see their flaws.
- one-sided love: The idealization continues and the illusion grows, but the relationship becomes complicated. You see that you try to share any aspect of your life and that the other person has no interest in doing so. In these situations, the reaction may be to cling to what will change your attitude over time.
- Recognition of unrequited love: You realize that you are facing unrequited love. Only you are trying to make the couple work and move forward. You see that the other person doesn’t love you the way you love them. Even so, sometimes the feeling is so strong that you believe that the situation will be fixed. A self-deception that can cause problems in the long run.
- Forgetting unrequited love: This is the hardest stage. There is the intention to leave that relationship that makes you suffer so much, but the feeling is so strong that sometimes you feel like you won’t be able to. Leaving behind all the expectations, hopes and memories of that person you have loved so much is not easy at all. Getting away from that person can help you get over this stage, but, above all, don’t fight what you feel. Forgetting someone you have loved takes time.
- live with it: It is time to accept and recognize the love you have had for that person. Do not deny that you have loved her, but we must not lose sight of the fact that it cannot be. It’s time to rebuild your life without that person. Eventually, the time to turn the page will come when you accept reality and move on.
What does it feel like to not be reciprocated?
Unrequited love produces pain and suffering. All the romantic illusions you had with a person come crashing down and, many times, this has serious consequences for oneself. Let’s see what it feels like to not be reciprocated:
- sadness and disappointment: love desires are very strong. When reality collides with illusion, the destruction of those desires can lead to a strong feeling of sadness and disappointment towards the loved one.
- Affects self-esteem: love rejection can lead to rejection of oneself. Sometimes, we can feel that it is our fault because we are not enough for the other person to love us. It is important to understand that the most important person in your life is you and that loving yourself is above anyone’s opinion and judgment, even if you are in love with that person. Your opinion does not define who or what you are. Discover .
- Frustration and anger: They are born from the belief that the situation is unfair and that you do not deserve it. These feelings are part of the grieving process necessary for . They are completely normal and indicate that you are on the right track.
- Feeling alone: The fact of not being able to be with who we want can cause fear of loneliness. The melancholy of remembering the moments spent with that loved one can increase this feeling. In this article, we tell you.
How to get over unrequited love
The most difficult, and also most important, moment when you experience unrequited love is learning to forget it, get over it, and move on with your life. As they say, easy to say and hard to do, but it’s not impossible. If you are wondering how to overcome unrequited love, below we give you some keys to achieve it.
- Accept the situation: The suffering caused by unrequited love is born from the hope that the situation can change. It is essential to accept reality and not think about what you have lost but about what you could have. For example, being with a person who truly loves you.
- Stop idealizing the person you love: falling in love with someone because of the perception we have of him or her is very common, but most of the time it is not real. Realize that, like everyone, that person is not perfect and also has flaws. You may have fallen in love with what that person represents, but not really with what they are.
- Distance yourself from that person: It will be easier not to think about it if it is not part of your life. To overcome unrequited love, it is better to stay away from that person and focus on yourself. Right now, taking care of yourself is the most important thing.
- Give yourself permission to be sad: If the situation causes you pain, denying it will only make it worse. Accept how you feel in each moment. Being sad is not bad, nor is expressing it. On the contrary, accepting how you feel is necessary to overcome grief. Don’t try to hide your emotions. Maybe not right away, but in the long run, expressing what you feel will make you feel better about yourself.
- Focus your thoughts on the present: Focus your thinking on what you do moment by moment. This will help your mind constantly remind you of the situation you have experienced and the pain that entails. Practicing will help you not think about that person.
- Imagine a future without that person: Focus on all the things you can do now that he is no longer in your life. Just because you’re not with the person you love doesn’t mean you should give up everything that makes you who you are. Just because that person hasn’t responded to you doesn’t mean that everyone will do so in the future. So, don’t think that all is lost. Remember that the only person you need in your life is yourself.
- Invest in yourself same: all that energy that you have invested in the other person you can now invest in yourself. Spend your time doing things you like, whether alone or with someone. Enjoying what you are passionate about will make you feel better about yourself.
- Surround yourself with trustworthy people: Even if you feel like you don’t feel like doing anything, surrounding yourself with family and friends who care will help you appreciate how many good things there are in your life. Enjoying good company does not mean escaping from your feelings, but understanding that life is worth living with those who truly love you.
- Dare to try new experiences: Another key to overcoming unrequited love is to do things that you have never done with that person, they will take your thoughts away from him or her. New experiences will make you experience new emotions that you no longer share with that person. They are only yours.
- Don’t close yourself to love: While overcoming heartbreak takes time, don’t avoid spending time with people who are interested in you. That will help you regain your self-confidence and have a good time. Still, don’t rush into another relationship because you could hurt this new love. Trying to love someone without having gotten over your unrequited love is doing the same thing that they have done to you to that person.
- Go to a professional: Sometimes it is difficult to overcome unrequited love and the feelings that it produces. When you feel that you need help to do so, do not hesitate to go to a psychologist. A professional can guide you and help you get through this painful process.
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This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
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