Many experts dedicated to identifying a person’s body language point out that it is the eyes that provide greater communication of information, since they are the most expressive focus of the face.
The intensity of the gaze, the duration of eye contact, the movement of the eyes can provide a large amount of information to the person observing it, as well as help the interlocutor transmit messages with higher quality.
However, not everyone is able to maintain or even initiate that eye contact with the person they are speaking to. Have you ever wondered why you can’t look someone in the eye when you talk? At Psychology-Online we intend to clarify a little more the reasons why the visual interaction between two people is often complicated.
What it means not to look in the eyes in psychology
No study has really been found that can certainly explain the reasons why people do not have the ability to make eye contact with those around them, however, it has been seen that this could have a certain relationship with personality. and the intentionality of people.
According to the book written by Ferrari (2018), when two people have a conversation, the listener keeps his gaze on his interlocutor to show interest in what he is telling him, while the other person, for his part, turns away slightly while speaking. the gaze and not give rise to a nervous situation by maintaining eye contact.
What does it mean to avoid looking into the eyes? Many times the avoid eye contact in psychology has been associated with people who are diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder. This has been tried to determine many times, as Schneier (2011) did, since these people are afraid of the feeling of scrutiny, which can be developed by long-lasting eye contact. With this you can know if you present the typical symptoms of this disorder.
However, not being able to look into someone’s eyes It can be triggered by many other causes, such as:
1. Anxiety
Anxiety: Anxious people tend to avoid looking into the eyes of their interlocutor in order to look around and thus look for a way to escape from the situation that is creating anxiety. Here you will find more information about the .
2. Distraction
There are people who tend to be easily distracted, they simply have difficulty maintaining complete attention in the conversation that is being had, so they cannot help but get distracted and direct their gaze towards those places that catch their attention.
3. Lies
Another reason why you don’t look them in the eye when talking to a person may be trying to hide a lie. Those people who lie do not want to look into the eyes of their interlocutor normally for two reasons. The first of them is so that they are not discovered and the second is so that they do not feel bad for telling the lie. With this information you can
4. Shyness
Shy people, due to a lack of self-confidence, may feel intimidated by their interlocutor. This is why they are not able to look the person in the eyes when they speak. This usually happens very frequently when they speak a dominant and extroverted person with an introvert. In this article you will find.
Why can’t I look into the eyes of the person I like?
As I said before, there is no scientific explanation that provides a 100% answer to this behavior. However, considering those factors that can develop it and give rise to an avoidance of looking into the other person’s eyes, we could come to think that, if there is a feeling of attraction towards the other person, it can create a shameful situation by the subject.
It is logical to imagine that if the person feels introverted and nervous In front of someone he likes, he will tend not to look into their eyes, in order not to let him see how he is feeling at those moments.
How to look into eyes without getting nervous
It is not necessary to look directly into the other person’s eyes to indicate that we are attentive to the conversation and to show our interest in what they are telling us. A little trick used by many people with problems when making eye contact is bring your gaze to the triangle formed between the eyes and mouth. What they do is slowly move their gaze over that area, thus giving the interlocutor the impression that they are looking into their eyes, but without feeling intimidated.
In order to overcome this fear of looking into the eyes, it could be recommended to do it gradually and progressively. For example, you can start and practice with someone you have a lot of confidence withbecause in this way, knowing that you are not being scrutinized by the other person, the possibility of developing anxiety about said situation will decrease.
If at any time you feel that anxiety increases as a result of eye contact, try doing a series of deep breaths so that you can calm down and gain control of the situation again. We recommend you learn.
The development of this skill is obtained through continuous practice. There is no specific treatment to eliminate this fear and achieve safe eye contact. So never stop practicing it and trusting yourself.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- Ferrari, L. (2018). How to know people by their body language. E-book: Your good books.
- Schneier, FR, Rodebaugh, TL, Blanco, C., Lewin, H., & Liebowitz, MR (2011). Fear and avoidance of eye contact in social anxiety disorder. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 52(1), 81-87.