Each person has their own life story and beyond theory, the practice of experience also brings its own meaning to that person’s life and their way of behaving in love. However, the past does not determine the present. Any person can reinvent themselves through the disposition of new attitudes and thoughts. Fear is a common brake on love. Maybe at some point you have asked yourself: Why am I afraid of commitment? At Psychology-Online, we help you find the answer by observing different causes, the mistakes you should avoid and the advice that can help you develop your inner courage in this situation.
6 causes of fear of commitment
- A recent breakup. One of the risks of human beings is wanting to accelerate the rhythms of their own heart. You may be at a point where you are not truly recovered from a previous injury. That wound needs to be healed before opening your heart to another person in the terms of a stable relationship. You are not prepared for commitment when the idea of falling in love again brings forth a constant rain of contradictory sensations that remind you of that past that you want to forget. In the following article, we give you .
- A chain of painful stories. When a person has placed their expectations on the illusion of different love stories and feels the frustration of not having experienced a happy ending in any of them, they feel vulnerable because there comes a time when they question whether it exists. Therefore, this cause connects with the fear of suffering again.
- Desire to be single. Today’s society still continues to send constant messages that equate happiness with a partner. This can make a person feel in constant contradiction between social values (linked to life as a couple) and their own desire not to get involved in a love story in the form of a stable relationship.
- He is not the right person. There are circumstances in which the fear of commitment is confused with the fact of not being in front of the person who really inspires that desire to live a stable love with a future projection.
- Misconceptions about love. When a person feels that because they are in a relationship they cannot develop individually or think that they must give up their own freedom, they should review their own mental approaches. Freedom is a good inherent to human beings regardless of their emotional circumstances.
- Comfort. A person can feel very comfortable if they have been single for a long time. This makes the idea of a new love move the foundations of that predictable life. Vertigo in the face of change is common in these types of situations.
When asked: why am I afraid of commitment? Try to specify your answer.
6 tips to overcome the fear of commitment
- You set the pace of the relationship. If you are afraid, you may need to take the story more slowly. Live dates at your own pace. In this way, you feel that the relationship is progressing more slowly and this allows you to make your own decisions.
- Assume fear and don’t disguise it. It is important that you call a spade a spade because only when you recognize this fear can you handle it better. If you feel that you have lost beautiful opportunities to love and be loved, and this makes you suffer, then consider the possibility of psychological therapy.
- That person is not going to wait for you always. Some people regret their indecision when they notice that someone has distanced themselves. Therefore, make your decisions at your own pace, but also understanding that your interlocutor is human and cannot be happy in constant uncertainty.
- . Being afraid of commitment is not an excuse to give someone false expectations. Therefore, first clarify your ideas.
- Commitment generates responsibility. You may analyze fear in its negative part, however, it also has a positive side. It helps you be prudent by being aware that when you make a commitment to someone, you are responsible for your words and actions.
- Give yourself the opportunity to grow. You evolve as a person when you allow yourself to go beyond your comfort zone to overcome any limit. If you think you have met a person who is worth it and who you like enough to give you the opportunity to try, then put into practice the courage to take a risk. Now you ask yourself many questions, however, you cannot know the answers in advance.
How not to act on the fear of commitment
If you want to find a way to solve your fear of commitmentthere are a number of things you should avoid:
- Act as if nothing had happened. Ignore this reality and occupy your mind on other aspects of life.
- Blame yourself for it. You shouldn’t feel guilty about this fear. On the other hand, the matter is different when you live in endless courtships in which you promise expectations that you then do not fulfill. That is, when you are not clear with the other person when they talk to you about a common future.
- Idealize others. Many people feel a certain fear of commitment in the days before the wedding. Questions are asked that have not been asked before. That is, fear and love are two feelings that can be closely linked in the perspective of one’s own responsibility to truly love and the uncertainty of the future.
- Believe that you will change for someone. You must make the change for yourself. In order to live a relationship fully, you must have previously achieved .
- Observe this fear only in the present because its impact reaches your future when you look at the past and observe that you would have liked a story to have happened differently.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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